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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Mind made up re trying again but still sad about it

8 replies

Geocentric · 19/05/2010 14:48

Sorry, this is going to be long!!! But DH doesn't get it and I don't want to talk to anyone else in RL about it...

Bit of background - since having DC2 (almost 6 years ago) Dh and I have had ongoing talks about having a third. We could never really make up our minds but never completely discarded the idea. Then last Dec we found out we were expecting (unplanned but were not being very careful). Great timing as we had lots of friends who were expecting, and his brother's wife found she was pg a week before. So, scary to start again but nice to have lots of company.

We lost the baby at 10 weeks - it had stopped developing at 6w. Went through natural M/C process at home and periods have been normal ever since. So nothing to stop us trying agin, right? Except that losing the baby got us talking very, very seriously about what we want, and we decided that (for practical reasons) it was time to forget the whole third child thing once and for all and get on with our lives and lovely DD and DS.

Except its much harder than I thought it would be. Just this year alone 5 good friends and a cousin have had babies, besides 2 other friends, one more cousin and sil who are all expecting. My brother and his wife are talking about trying and I have 2 other friends who are trying. And now my only other sil (Dh's other brother) has told us she is expecting her third.

DH says if I really want a third we can try, but its not that, I think we made a decision for a good reason, its just that I would be half way through pregnancy right now if it hadn't been for the M/C and every time I hear someone else is pregnant I start to cry. I feel so stupid for it! Its just so hard at times when theres a baby boom going on around here and I have to be so happy for everyone else.

I know the obvious answer is try for another or just get on with life, but some days its just not easy, thats all.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far and sorry for all the self-pitying waffle, I just really needed to get this off my chest.

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AnyFucker · 19/05/2010 14:51

aww, I am sorry you are feeling so upset and confused

I am not going to give you any advice, as it's such a personal thing, but I wish you the best with whatever you decide x

and some virtual chocolate, because I know exactly how shit it feels...

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meatntattypie · 19/05/2010 14:57

i feel your pain, im in a similar situation.

We have decided to try for another baby. Started the whole thing again this month.

It has given me some hope. May not happen but its given me hope, thats all i needed, a bit of hope. I feel far more relaxed and settled because we are trying.

If you are not ready to say finito, is there any reason why you cant try again? Also, you are still grieving for your lost baby, so naturally you will become emotional.
have a wee cry if you want to, you are perfectly entitled you know.

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Geocentric · 19/05/2010 15:02

Thanks ladies. And AF - I will definitely have some of that virtual choccy.

meatntattypie - it was a decision mostly for practical reasons (money and etc). We're travelling at the end of the year (long-awaited trip to Disney) so we'll take a final decision when we get back I think - give myself some time to think this through properly. I'm 38 so have to decide soonish!

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Loopymumsy · 19/05/2010 15:08

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Geocentric · 19/05/2010 15:21

I think you're right Loopymumsy about not having to stick to this decision necessarily. I'm giving us this year as a break from decisions simply because of our upcoming trip at the end of the year, but I think we do need some time to make sure it is the right decision.

Its so hard when its a third or fourth, isn't it? If this was my first or second child it would be a no-brainer. It would be try again and screw Disney, lol.

Its great hearing all this feedback, helps me to calm down and make some sense of my emotions.

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Geocentric · 19/05/2010 15:23

(its not that travelling is so important, just gives me a good time-frame in which to think, iykwim)

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Loopymumsy · 19/05/2010 16:22

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Geocentric · 19/05/2010 16:43

Loopy and all you other fantastic ladies, thanks, feeling much better now and will enjoy this mornings news about my sil (whom I love dearly and am truly happy for).

Loopy, good luck in your decisions and to everyone, bless you and so sorry for anything you have been through, you are all gold.