Miscarriage at 44yrs old.

[monkeyface65]

I am 44yrs old, have 2 girls aged 10 and 11yrs and found out I was pregnant 16th March this year. This pregnancy was neither planned nor wanted at that stage. I panicked and was angry that myself and my husband had been so stupid and had put ourselves in this situation at our age. We should have known better!! We talked about our options, termination being the one that seemed to come out top as we reasoned that we were too old to have another baby, our lives were settling down again as the girls were now older etc etc. However, following an appointment at the clinic we knew that a termination was not for us and that perhaps another baby would be a good thing for our family and would lead us into another part of our lives, an adventure was how we looked upon it. I was well but worried as I kept looking at the internet for information about pregnancy in the "older woman" and things did not seem to be pointing in that much of a positive direction. Our families when we told them were supportive and excited as were we. However 2 weeks ago as I was approaching 10 weeks I started to get a brown discharge, not very heavy and had no pain or any other syptoms that a miscarriage could be coming. I had a scan and was told that either my dates were wrong or that I was indeed in the early stages of miscarriage. I knew deep down what was about to happen but tried to stay positive. My other 2 pregnancies had no problems so I wasn't sure what to expect. I started to miscarry in the early hours of last Monday and the bleeding seems to have stopped (as early as the Friday afternoon) and I am now back to normal. However, it continues on as we are all disappointed and sad about this other change in direction. Do we now just go back to how things were before I found out I was pregnant or do we go forward and try for a baby to carry on our adventure. This has opened a whole can of worms and emotions that I thought were long finished with many years ago. I am not the sort of person to coo over babies and hanker afetr a big family, I am happy with my 2 lovely girls. But now, we are in a postion to make this choice (given the fact that it may be possible to have another baby at my age). Am interested to hear if anyone else has been in this situation and what the outcome was. Some days it feels like torture.

[SecretPollingBooth]

I'm so sorry

[EarthMotherImNot]

I am so sorry for your loss

I don't think anyone can advise you on what is best for you, in saying that I usually live by the rule that I don't regret the things I've done but I do regret the things I didn't do IYSWIM.

[MummyWilliams]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.

I am 38 fastly approaching 39, I have a DD (9) and DS (7). I had a mmc in April 2009 at 15 weeks (baby had died at 12 weeks). Last week our baby died at just over 17 weeks. I know how you are feeling it is devastating at any stage, the saying goes a loss is a loss.

If I were ever in your shoes, I would try again, but I would say to myself and DP if it hasn't happened by a certain cut off point, (say 6 months) then stop and get on with our lives.

I have my own cut off point which is 43.

I truly hope I haven't offended you in what I have said, it wasn't mean't to. Just in a mess at the moment and can't focus or talk properly since losing my son last week.

xxx

[monkeyface65]

Yes, this is a very true saying. I often ponder on life and think, well, is this it? I like my life but isn't there something more..and for the past few years have been saying to my husband"Don't you want to have some sort of adbeture...you know, something we didn't plan...maybe this could be it. There is just over 12 months between my 2 girls so I can honestly say I don't remember much about when they were babies. I was working full time between the births and then went back 3 days a week when my second was born following a spell at home. I worked in recruitment so it was stressful most days although fun. I know if we were to have baby no. 3 it would be very different in every way but again do we want to be older parents. We are fit and well and certainly not what I would consider fuddy duddy in any way but still, you do wonder.

[ghenghismaam]

Monkey first of all so sorry for your loss, I really feel for you it's so horrible and you must be on an emotional rollercoaster.
I am 2 years older than you, and an older parent (DS is 4), I had accepted that we had been v lucky to have him and that was it. Last year tho I fell pregnant, totally unplanned and was overjoyed. I immediately went back into 'baby' mode, until I m/c at 6 weeks. Since then I have been TTC, naturally with the help of acupuncture - and I am constantly having the I should stop, it's risky etc but the urge to have another child is overwhelming. It helps in a way that all my friend are ten years younger and still having babies..... . Anyway I had a positive test last month, felt really pregnant, until this weekend when I think I have M/C again. Back to turmoil, I too had a cut off point but I'm tempted to go pass it again!
You will make the right decision, as someone else said you regret the things you don't do sometimes more than those you do.
Good luck whichever way you choose x

[oliviacrumble]

Monkey, I too am very sorry for your loss.

I totally understand your feeling around considering ttc again.

However, I have to echo what lunaticfringe has said. If you feel you are at a point where you can avoid getting "embroiled in the madness", then I would also!

I'm now 44, and have had a miscarriage every year, since the age of 40.

I have 3 gorgeous, precious dcs, but yearned for another baby for so long.

My last mc was in feb. I've now accepted that it's not going to happen for us.

The stats on miscarriage at our age are not encouraging. It's a painful, lonely road, which has pushed me to the point of despair.

However, having said all that, there are older mums out there, who have been successful. You must decide how much you can cope with.

The very,very best of luck to you, whatever you decide.

And I hope I haven't upset or offended you with what I've said.