I don't know how I'll ever feel ready again.

[TheBreastmilksOnMe]

I had a missed-miscarriage 4 weeks ago and although I feel I have 'gotten over' the sad part of it, emotionally I don't feel as though I have, or ever will have, the energy to go through the 1st trimester again.

I know that to have a baby, I will have to do it and it never occured to me just how emotionally draining another pregnancy would be after a MC. I don't think I could bear the anxiety and the whole physical strain. The thing is, I've always wanted at least 2 children and I don't want a huge age gap between them.

DS is 18mths and there would have been a 25mths age gap. I would have been 13 weeks now and it just feels like I've wasted so much time and energy on something that would never be. I felt like trying again quite soon after, initially but as more time goes on, the more I dread the whole pregnancy business.

Please tell me this is normal? I really wanted this baby and couldn't wait to get pregnant so feeling like this is alien to me.

[RooBear]

give yourself time, 4 weeks in the grand scheme of things is not long x look after yourself and your DS and try not to put pressure on yourself, things will get easier, sending hugs x x

[taffetacat]

Second what roobear says. Give yourself time, have some time off for a bit to clear your mind and get in a relaxed place.
( Difficult with a toddler I know...)

The first trimester after a missed-miscarriage is hard no matter when it happens, so to be able to cope give yourself as much time as you can. It is emotionally draining and you need time to build up your reserves again, its perfectly normal.

I really get what you say about the wasted time and energy. I have a big thing about this in all areas of my life.

I had a missed miscarriage, DS, another missed miscarriage and then DD. I conceived DD about a year after the previous missed miscarriage, and this felt right emotionally for me.

[TheBreastmilksOnMe]

You're right Roobear, it's not really very long at all. I've just had a look at your profile and you're the smae age as me, congratulations on your pregnancy btw, my baby would have been due on october 14th (DP and my anniversary). Don't count on it as a due date though! Babies are notorious for coming when least expected!

[RooBear]

thank you, as its my first i'm just keeping my fingers crossed about everything! can you rely on your DP for a bit to help you out?

[BillieJackson]

Definitely give yourself time.

I needed four months after my miscarriage to feel ready to try again. I just couldn't even contemplate having to deal with pregnancy hormones and the worry of another potential m/c before that.

[CisforCookie]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It can take time to come to terms with all the emotions after a MC. I can't comment on the age gap as I don't have any DC's yet, but it took me at least 6 months to feel ready to try again.

I had a MMC at 12 weeks and I felt like my body had let me down. A MMC can be hard because you feel that you have been 'cheated' out of time, and the future you had planned. However, I promise that the way you feel is totally normal and understandable, and it will get better.

Take care of yourself and give yourself time - as RooBear said 4 weeks isn't long x

[ronshar]

So sorry for your loss.
It gets easier. It really does, but it also takes a while. One day you will wake up without putting your hand on your tummy and feeling sick because it is flat!

There are so many of us on MN who have been exactly where you are right now. It is so very very hard to mget yourself back to normal.
I had two. An MMc and an early mc. I can safely say that when I eventually became pregnant nearly a year later I spent the whole of my pregnancy worrying about everything.

I now have a beautiful ds and it was all worth it.
Dont be hard on yourself and take one day at a time.

[AnyFucker]

you will know when you are ready

don't try and rush yourself

it took me 4 years to try again

all the best x

[randomimposter]

Oh I DO know how you feel.

Decided to try for #2 when DS turned 1, got pg first month. Oh goody I thought, a 21 month age gap. Had a MMC at 13 weeks.

Decided to try again (couldn't afford to hang around, am ancient). Got pg after 3 cycles. Oh goody I thought, a 27 month age gap. Had a MMC at 11 weeks.

Feel that I have been SO focused since DS turned 1 on TTC#2 that I have failed to really enjoy him and his adventures.

Will TTC again (MC was only last month), but feel a bit more at peace with the thought that I may not be able to give him a sibling. I also now TOTALLY understand when people say they are giving up trying. TTC (particularly after MC) can be all-possessing which is not particularly healthy.

Echo what's been said though, that it's very early days after your MC. If you can take a bit of time to get yourself back on track, you may feel stronger.

Plus apparently a 3 year gap is the best

[BA1Mummy]

Grief after a miscarriage can hang around for a long time. Although I like you felt 'over the sad part' after a few weeks (I was able to get through the day without crying)emotionally I was still very raw for about 6 months. This manifested itself through anxiety, feeling very low and an incredibly short fuse. Looking back now I realise I was still coming to terms with the missed miscarriage, we discovered it at 12 weeks.

Like you, I felt unable to face the first trimester again. We took a break from TTC for a couple of months. Even though I was desperate for a baby I didn't feel emotionally strong enough to deal with the possiblity of a miscarriage again. However, after a few months I felt ready to try again.
Happily we conceived a couple of months later and now have a 5 month old DS. I was of course anxious during the first trimester, but I surprised myself by feeling overwhelmingly positive (those pregnancy hormones)!Give yourself time and you will be able to enjoy being pregnant again.

[squilly]

I was up and down after all my mcs. It's hard. It's not like you have a 'real' reason for grieving in your head, but actually, it's one of the reallest reasons. You miss the promise of that baby. The potential future that you dreamed of.

I still think of all my miscarriages on occasion, all the children I nearly had but never had. And every day I thank God for the one child I did get.

Give yourself time to recover and try again when you're ready. You have to forget timescales to some degree, but that's not a big thing at the end of the day. It's just a case of necessity.

I would have loved a herd of kids (at least 3) but I only got 1. I've decided not to be bitter about it and not to let it get me down any more. I've had enough emotional distress to turn my back on it for now.

I hope your better pg is healthy and happy.

[nomorewine]

I know exactly how you feel. I had a MMC nearly 2 weeks back & it has really knocked me for six. Part of me feels I desperately want to be pregnant again, but the other half of me can't bear the thought of possibly going through this again. I had 3 months of strong pregnancy symptoms, despite the fact we lost the baby at 6 weeks 6 days. I had no warning signs that this had happened until the scan.

Other people (meaning well) keep telling me it wasn't mean to be (which you know, but doesn't make it easier), but next time things will be ok. However, once you have been through this, you don't feel like everything would just be ok, you are petrified of it all happening again. I am 37 though, so feel time isn't on my side, but think I need a little time to recover from this.