missed miscarriage? considering options

[SilverBoots]

10 days ago I had a scan at the EPU - I'd had a small amount of pale pink/brown discharge the day before & a slight tummy ache (low down on the right).

I thought I was being over cautious as I'd had a mc last Oct & was very shocked when told the gestational sac was less than 5 weeks & yolk sac & embryo were absent. I should have been 6+3 weeks pg. I am sure of my dates.

I haven't had any bleeding or pain since & my body still thinks it's pregnant.

My next scan is on wednesday - there won't be a miracle baby on the screen, so I need to consider my options & want to go prepared. I'd really appreciate a bit of advice as I know, unfortunately, that I'm not the only person this has happened to.

Is it best to let nature take its course? how long does it take to recover from an ERPC?

(I guess it might be the hormones, but I'm finding that DH is being less than helpful at the moment).

Thanks x

[Redheadgal]

I found out on Monday that I had a mmc - a routine 12 week scan revealed 5/6 week sac. We decided to have an ERPC rather than wait for a second scan (we knew there was absolutely no way we could have mc and then conceived again). I was really pleased with the ERPC - was home by tea time with very little bleeding and cramps. Am only using panty-liners now (sorry if TMI) and it was only 2 days ago. I'm tired, but that is probably the result of an extremely exhausting and emotionally overwrought week.

To some extent it depends what you mean by 'recover'. My body still thinks it's pregnant - it didn't realise for 6 weeks! My HCG levels are slowly dropping, so although I've had an ERPC, my hormones won't get back to normal for a while unfortunately.

I just knew that I couldn't wait for nature to take its course, but I know that other women prefer to do that than undergo surgery/medical intervention. Obviously there are greater risks to consider, but it was the right decision for me.

Really hoping it is your miracle baby. Am keeping my fx for you next week!

[mumatron]

silverboots 3 of my 4 mc have been missed and i have had 2 erpc. i always find that, physically i recover very quickly. much quicker than a natural or medically managed mc. but it does vary so much person to person.

for me waiting for nature to take its course isnt really an option as i have on odd shaped cervix that makes it difficult for the 'product' (sorry for using that term) to pass by itself.

hope you get the support you need from your dp, if he is anything like mine he is just dealing with it in his own way.

and sorry you are in this situation.

take care x

[SilverBoots]

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

So sorry Redheadgal, finding out at 12 weeks must have been dreadful. Wishing you a speedy recovery & best wishes ttc. I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that a mmc will be confirmed on wed.

Also, mumatron - sorry to hear what you have been through. I've lurked on the 'testing' thread (this is my 4th but not consecutive mc). Good luck.

All advice/info is much appreciated.

[whostolemyname]

hello
Sorry to hear your news.
I had a MMC last year and chose to wait for things to happen naturally. This is a very personal choice to make. It took around 4 weeks after finding out for the mc to happen and it was all over a couple of hours with just slight bleeding for a couple of days after. My personal reasons for waiting for things to happen naturally were that i didnt like the idea of the erpc and didnt want to take a risk of an damage being done (even though that risk is tiny). I dont regret my choice.
I wish you all the best
look after yourself
x

[loopydoopy]

Hi silverboots, sorry to hear you are going through this and i know deciding on an option is a horrible one. i mmc at 10wks but my little bean didnt make it past 8wks, found out when i had a slight bleed and had a scan....couldnt make that choice there and then just couldnt do it. my feelings were that if they were making a mistake and i decided to have erpc or medical management then how would i feel even though i wouldnt know that, two days later it happened naturally and then had slight bleeding for about 5 days.

it is a very personal choice to make and one that we all would rather not be having to make.

my dp was not or still the most understanding or helpful but thats a whole new thread waiting to be written!!

good luck on weds and fingers crossed, please take care of yourself x

[musicposy]

Hi SilverBoots. I'm so sorry you're going through this - I know how awful it is.

I went for a scan this Thursday at 9wks + 1 and there was no heartbeat, baby measured just under 8 wks. It was such a shock as I'd had no bleeding and 6 wk scan looked fine (although no heartbeat then, which in retrospect was a bad sign).

I can only tell you what I felt and did.

I couldn't bear the thought of going home and just having to wait for it to happen naturally, knowing what was going to happen. I was not psychologically strong enough. I considered medical management but even that would have meant a tablet Friday and pessaries tomorrow, probably to miscarry this coming Monday. The doc, I felt was trying to put me off of an ERPC because the further ahead you are, the bigger risk to perforation of the womb and it had originally been twins for me so my uterus had got quite large and soft. She was ages speaking to the consultant who said it would actually be fine for me to choose any option and my choice entirely.

I decided I really wanted the ERPC. One thing that made me decide, that might sound stupid, was that if they took it out in the hospital, after taking the remains of tissue and baby to the lab, they take it to the crematorium to be blessed and the ashes scattered, and I thought that would make me feel better than it all coming out onto a pad at home and going in the bin or down the loo. Different hospitals have different policies I think, so if this matters at all, check what yours does with the remains. I also couldn't bear the thought of all the pain and bleeding.

Luckily, I hadn't eaten breakfast that morning and there was a cancellation on the theatre list, so I stayed in and had the ERPC done at 5pm on Thursday.

So far, I think I made the right decision for me. I have only light bleeding and I only had to take paracetamol Thursday night, not since. The op only takes 5 mins, apparently, and I was only under for about half an hour all told. I didn't really feel like I'd had an op at all.

The only thing was, it was very sudden and I wonder if I should have given myself more time. My younger daughter keeps saying "are you sure the baby had died?" and this has played on my mind a bit, but I saw it on the screen and I know in my heart that they didn't make a mistake.

I really do wish you all the best - it's such an awful, emotional time. At least you have a little time to consider your options. I'd go with your gut instinct as to what you will cope with best.

Take care of yourself. xxx

[randomimposter]

Hi silverboots, so sorry for what you are going through. I hope there is a positive outcome but if what you believe is correct I hope the following is helpful.

Have had 2 MMCs; first at 12+6, baby died at 11+6, chose the ERPC, was lucky to be fitted in for surgery very quickly. In and out in half a day, general anaesthetic, recovery really quick - felt physically fine the next day. I HATE medical procedures and would usually avoid like the plague but this was totally fine. My only thought on this was that my cycle was a bit haywire afterwards. Bled for maybe 5 days after ERPC, then got my first period 4 weeks later. Then had 1 long then 2 very short cycles. Then got pg again.

This time went for a scan at 11 weeks, baby had died at 9. Waiting list for ERPC was nearly 2 weeks; started to MC naturally 6 days later. At the time it seemed awful, scary amount of blood loss for 5 hours (literally falling out of me) then heavyish period for 5 days, and light period spotting for another 5. Pain was minimal. On reflection MC naturally was ok too. I wait to see if my cycle is more "normal" this time.

Whatever route you take (if you have indeed had a MC) I hope it goes ok for you. Ref DH? I think it's hard for them to truly understand. I hope you (and he) get all the support you need from family and friends x

[DuelingFanjo]

Hi Silverboots

so sorry to hear you are going through this. When I had my MMC I was given the choice of (and took it) a medical miscarriage which basically meant taking pills and pessaries to bring on the miscarriage. Personally I found this extremely difficult and painful and if I ever found myself in this situation again I would go for an ERPC.

[flossyboo]

hi there

sorry youre going through this ive had a d&c, a medically managed mc and a natural - given a choice would def go for d&c/erpc... medical management was horrendous and the d&c was quick and straightforward - also felt that it gave me more closure.. also ended up with infection following the med management as it had been complete and i hadnt been scanned following to make sure everything had cleared

good luck with it all
x

[MogTheForgetfulCat]

So sorry you're going through this. I had a mmc earlier this month - a scan at 9+2 showed no heartbeat, although it had clearly only just happened, as baby was the right size for dates

Having had a natural mc last summer, and because I was in a tizzy about the risk of damage from ERPC (I am sure this risk is v small, but I was v low and irrationally scared of the decision re: trying for more DC being taken out of my hands...), I opted to mc naturally. It took 8 days for it to start, and seemed like it was going to progress normally, as it had with my previous mc. But the next day, I had a massive haemorrhage, and was rushed to A&E, had an emergency ERPC and 2 blood transfusions as had lost so much blood.

I have been assured that this was just bad luck, and quite unusual - but in the event I have another mmc in future (please no) I would definitely opt for the ERPC. Even though i had my ERPC under less than ideal circumstances, I have recovered pretty quickly - just a few days of light bleeding, and no pain. Horrible decision to have to make though - for you.

[SilverBoots]

Your support & shared experiences have been invaluable. Thank you.

I think I will probably opt for the erpc, as I feel it would help me to move on.

Very best wishes to all & fingers crossed to those who are ttc.

x

[mumatron]

silverboots hope it goes ok, take care of yourself.

x

[SilverBoots]

Hello,

Thought I'd update.

I had the scan on Wed, unfortunately I have to have another in 2 weeks time as although there is no sign of life the gestational sac has grown & they have to follow guidelines.

So, I'm sort of in limbo, but have had lower backache & some more spotting since. Hopefully it's a sign that my body has sussed out what its meant to be doing.

DH being totally unsupportive. I didn't want to tell anyone in RL, but have confided in a very good friend which has taken a lot of the stress out of the situation.

x

[mumatron]

oh silverboots so sorry this is happening to you.

my dp is not very supportive either, in fact i was allowed one day to grieve after my last mc, and then i had to get over it! but i know that is just his way of dealing with it. he doesn't like to talk about his feelings atall. i know he talks to his mum and lets his grief out that way.

hope things work out for you, take care.

[em0000]

Hello, I'm completely new to Mumsnet but reading your posts I felt like I wanted to add my own.

I'm so sorry to hear what you have been going through. I had a MMC too. I started spotting when I was 12+4 - the routine scan was scheduled for the next week, so I hadn't had any scans at all, and it was my first pregnancy. A scan the next day showed the baby had died at about 7 weeks. I was given the option of 'wait & see' or ERPC and chose to wait at first as I had already started bleeding and I hoped it would all pass naturally. But that didn't happen and the bleeding stopped, and another scan last Wednesday showed it was all still inside. So yesterday I had an ERPC.

I am so sad about my lost baby. I know the stats about how common MCs are in the first trimester but even so, you start building all these hopes and dreams for your little one.

And I feel very let down by my body, like some of your have mentioned. I thought I was quite in tune with my body, but for my baby to have died 5 weeks before anything happening was a real shock. I was still having pregnancy symptoms, and even now still don't feel back to 'normal'. I'm a bit upset I had to have an ERPC but waited for 2 weeks after the first scan, which seemed a long enough time for nature to take its course...

I'm not quite sure what to expect now. I had some bleeding and cramps yesterday after the ERPC but now it's only 24 hours later and already the bleeding had virtually stopped -is this normal?

I'm looking forward to my body recovering and being able to start looking forward again.

Thanks for all your posts on here, it's helpful to know others are going through the same sadnesses. Best wishes to you all.

[kissmummy]

hi there, my second and fourth miscarriages were both missed miscarriages, for which I had ERPCs. I would really recommend this option. it is obviously distressing and emotional going into theatre etc but you don't know anything after that, and then you wake up and it's all over. i had very little bleeding afterwards and felt fine pretty much immediately. with my fourth miscarriage i was anxious to avoid another ERPC and did try to wait for it to happen naturally. this involved more than two weeks of frustration and wondering if/when the bleeding would start. i hated it and finally could bear it no longer. if i have another miscarriage i'll probably go for the ERPC as soon as possible. even if you have a bit of spotting it can take weeks for it to build up to a proper bleed and even then you might still need an ERPC if your body doesn't do everything itself...hth

[Trafficcone]

I can't believe they're putting you through this!! Of course the sac has grown, that's what happens with mmcs!! I was 12 weeks gest with a sac that measured 12 weeks and a 12 week bump but the embryo had stopped developing around 7 weeks. If the sac hadn't continued growing it would have resulted in a normal spontaneous miscarriage.
I had an erpc and would never ever have one
again. Mine resulted in Ashermans syndrome, a scarred shut cervix, a year of no periods and further surgery to right the wrongs of the ERPC not to mention the resulting depression.

[nomorewine]

I can't believe they are putting you through this either & am so sorry you are in this situation. I found out on Tuesday at my 12 week scan that my baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks, but I had a 12 week bump & the scan showed a 12 week sack, along with all the expected pregnancy symptoms. Your body doesn't realise your baby has died & the sack continues to grow. Was a horrible shock.

I opted for the ERPC, which I had yesterday. PProcedure was quick & simple & recovery has bbeen quick. The bleeding has already calmed right down, just 24 hours later. I had a natural miscarriage many years ago & it was total agony, and I still had to have the ERPC at the end of it as it hadn't all come away. Didn't want to go through that again so went straight for the op & am very pleased I did. All the best to you - it is a horrible thing to go through.

[Jakey87]

hi so sorry to hear you are going through this too, i found out at early scan that my baby had stopped growing at 5+4 and i chose to wait it out, my irrational thinking at the time was my baby got in there naturaly and should come out naturally, i felt very let down by my body for not realising somthing was wrong, my pregnancy symptoms were as strong as ever.
that was 9 weeks ago, i have been for numerous scans to 'make sure' as i still had all the symptoms and i was developing a bump, i found out the sac was still growing as my body hadnt yet realised a healthy baby was not developing, i again felt very let down by my body.
i was booked for a scan today and was going to discuss other management options
as im starting to fear for my sanity so to speak, im afraid to go out just incase i bleed heavy and i burst into tears without warning, i feel like a recluse.
only this morning i had a brownish dischanrge and slight cramps so i rang the hospital who changed my scan to thursday, i have had no bleeding yet and the cramps have gone although i do feel a bit uncomfortable at the moment.
i never thought i would wish for my mc to hurry up, i wanted to keep my baby as long as possable even though technacaly it was already gone (if that makes sence) now i feel my body owes it to me to do this without having to be in hospital but i need it to be over so i can get some closure and focus my life again (sorry long post) realy hope you have a better time of it all, take care

[SilverBoots]

I passed the little one a few hours ago.

I just wanted to post to thank you for making this a lot easier for me & taking away a lot of the fear. I hope others who are going through the same thing find some peace - you will be in a better place soon.

On a happier note - I became an aunty in the early hours of this morning - my sister gave birth to a very healthy baby girl.

x

[randomimposter]

silver lovely news on your niece.... in some ways an extra special day to be born. I hope you see it that way if you can at this raw time.

Hope you're looking after yourself and being looked after too.

Take care
x

[musicposy]

So sorry to hear that, SilverBoots. Look after yourself at this difficult time. I hope the birth of your neice will give you lots of joy. It's difficult when happy things are mixed with your own sadness, but as you say, it does get easier over time. Wishing you all the best. xxx

[MummyAbroad]

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories, I am going through this for the first time and it really helps to know I am not alone.

I had a scan at 15 weeks and found out the embryo stopped developing at 6 weeks and the sac at 10, apart from a very very light bleed I had absolutely no other symptoms and thought everything was fine. What a shock.

I had an ERPC after the birth of my first son (bits of retained placenta) and it took a year and some hormonal treatment for my periods to start again. I would rather avoid going through that again as I am 35 and would like to try and have another child soon.

Its interesting that it seems to be different for everyone, lots of women on here seem to recover from ERPC well.

Yesterday I had one dose of pessaries to induce my body to expel whats left, I had a bit of cramping and bleeding equivalent to a normal period. Either I have been lucky and it was very easy or it hasnt really worked The doc said my cervix was very closed so there was a chance I might need to repeat the procedure in eight days. Inserting the pessaries was quite uncomfortable but not painful. I was in stirrups for about 20 mins. Emotionally its a bit tough too as you go home waiting for the floodgates to open at any minute and not knowing what to expect.

I am really hoping thats the end of it, but unfortuanately with this treatment option, I will just have to keep my fingers crossed until I get checked again.

Best wishes to all the brave women going through this. xxxxxx

[Jakey87]

mummyabroad, so sorry you are going through this too. i had the same problem as you with the tablets and pessaries, my cervix was very tightly closed.
i was in hospital when i has the passaries and second dose of oral tablets, was supposed to be in and out on same day but because my cervix was so tight the doctor had to remove the sac by hand as it got stuck.(not plesant) and i ended up sating in hosp for a while just for monitoring.feels similar to smear test doc said (i wouldnt know as im only 22 and never had one before)
i was in a lot of pain and had a lot of bleeding after the first tablets and to be honest even tho that day in hospital was total hell and i wouldnt wish it on anyone, i was so pleased when it was over so i could go home. i realy hope you have a better time of it than i did hun, i know exactly what you mean by waitng for the flood gates to open and not knowing what to expect, all i can say is that the different methods affect each of us very differently as i learned here on MN and that codine realy dose help if the pain gets bad. take care hun, i hope its all over for you soon so you can concentrate on getting well again.

[MummyAbroad]

Thanks Jakey87, what a horrible thing to go through at 22. I take it you are OK now? How long did it take you to recover?

I went back to the doctors today for a second dose of pessaries (3 days after the first) I was told my cervix had started to soften and enlarge, so this round should be more successful.

I think it is a bit worse than a smear test because it takes longer and there is more stuff to do. Smears are over in a minute but I was on the table for about 30 mins today with the doctor poking around all the time. Not painful but SO uncomfortable and stressful that you almost want to jump off the table.

I had my first son naturally (no epidural) and have had lots of smear tests, so I guess I was prepared, the procedure you had must have been just awful Jakey87, I hope you never have to go through that again.

Thanks for you post xxxx