Ectopic Pregnancy - LONG

[nickymorris]

After being ill all week with a cold that really got me down last week I then woke up on Thursday with stomach pains. By the evening they were so bad that I went to the local walk-in clinic and they were going to give me anti-biotics so pregnancy tested me as we had been trying for a few months. The nurse gave me the good news that I was pregnant and sent me home with a (free!) pack of anti-biotics.

I was so excited to be pregnant and the news was a little bit of joy after feeling awful all week. I'd had my period on 22/2 before so estimated I was 8dpo.

However that night the pain in my abdomen got worse and I fainted twice as I headed to the toilet. So we phoned NHS direct and they sent an ambulance round. They took me to A&E (on morphine) where I had to wait 4 hours for a doctor to see me. She was convinced it was an ectopic pregnancy but I couldn't understand how when the baby was so small. Then it was off to acute gynae ultrasound where they confirmed that there wasn't a baby in my uterus, but that my fallopian tube had burst.

Then it was off to have some very emergency surgery - I'd lost a liter of blood by then. They took away my left fallopian tube and the baby. Back on the ward they explained that I was actually about 8 weeks pregnant. I'd had my period because the baby was not in my uterus, but had been pregnant all the while.

I came home yesterday and am finally on my own. My family have been amazing don't get me wrong but it is nice to have some space.

This afternoon I've realised that I feel like I have lost a lot in the last few days. The litre of blood I wasn't that attached to. The fallopian tube is not that big a problem. But the baby I have such a whirl of feelings about.

I feel sad that I didn't know it was there - that it was doing what it was supposed to; growing, developing and everything and I didn't know. And it wasn't the baby's fault that it was in the wrong place - it didn't know. I wish I'd known about it - I could have celebrated it more. I also feel sad that it's gone so now I'll never know it. Something lived in me for 8 weeks and now is gone. Is it strange to mourn something that I didn't know was there until it was too late?

The other thing I've lost is my co-sleeping and breastfeeding with my DS1. 3 nights away and it would be silly to start again - particularly as if he were to accidentally kick me in the night it would hurt so much. I worry that he thinks I'm detached from him, and that it's his fault - where as there is nothing I'd love more but I know it isn't sensible. He's a clever boy and I know he knows that there has been something going on but at 19 months he is to young to understand.

[BulletProofMum]

Sorry for your loss - I can empathise as the same thing happened to me me last year.

I had acute abdominal pain and ended up in A&E with a ruptured tube. I didn't know I was pregnant (I had a Mirena coil) until the diagnosis in hospital.

I mourned my lost baby as I was desperate for a third child (DH was adamant that we shouldn't have another). I took me a long time to come to terms with my loss - but I have now. If it hadn't been for the ectopic I wouldn't have my beautiful daughter - born three weeks ago. I didn't think I wold conceive again but did quickly despite being a tube down.

You'll get over the physical symptoms within a week or so but the emotional side will take longer - esepcially with your hormones all over the place. Take your time and if you need to grieve then grieve. You DP may or may not understand but try to explain it to him

If the time is right for you to stop bf then stop. You could always continue cosleeping when you're feeling less sore. (All 3 of mine are in and out at night).

Sorry for your loss

[Spidermama]

Sorry for your loss.

I think it might be sensible to consider stretching out the co sleeping and breastfeeding with your ds. It won't do any harm. Read three in a bed if you need some back up.

It sounds like you didn't get to see or have your growing baby? After my first miscarriage I was very sad and confused. Eventually my fab MIL came with me to the riverbank and organised a kind of 'goodbye' or mini funeral type thing. Basically she got some seeds from a melon we'd just cut and took them down to the riverbank. She said some words/prayers and encouraged me and my dh to do the same. Obviously I cried and 'told' the lost one how sorry I was and how we would have loved her to come and be with us etc. Obviously I was crying quite a lot. Then we let go of the seeds.

It really helped to properly focus on the loss and say goodbye.

In my second M/c (I already had three children by then) I just did it all at home. I found the pregnancy sac and (sorry if TMI) took it down to the garden and buried it and said my goodbyes just on my own.

I really think it helps with the grieving process to mark the passing properly.

Look after yourself. You've been through a lot.

[nickymorris]

Thank you both for posting.

BulletProofMum It's lovely to hear that you've had success again so soon - thank you for that positive story - something to hope for. We will try again - they said we can in 3 cycles time. We have always wanted a big family (husband mentioned 7 and I've said 5 is more realistic!)

SpiderMamma DS is 19 months and he's been in his own room since 14 months but with me joining him in the double bed in his room when he woke in the night and then co-sleeping and feeding until morning. Before that he co-slept in all night with DH and I. (I've read and love 3 in a bed) I think that starting feeding again would just be too confusing for him (and my boobs!) and I worry about him kicking me and climbing on me which he will want to do - he likes to lie on top of me (not across) and feed from one side, then the other, then back to the first, etc. Does that make sense? And he can't do that any more.

I love the idea of a little ceremony - will think about that tomorrow. I don't think anyone saw the baby - I asked the doctor who saw me on the ward if they'd found it and she said that they hadn't.

Thank you again.

[Spidermama]

Oh sorry nicky I misread. I thought you had just stopped feeding in the night since having the ectopic pregnancy. I see what you mean.

All the best.

[nickymorris]

Spidermama You didn't mis-read I have stopped the feeding in the night only since the ectopic.

[ThePFJ]

Hi Nicky,

I just had my fallopian tube removed too after an ectopic pregnancy. It was totally out of the blue and I think I was in shock for quite a while. I had my surgery 2 weeks ago now, I still have the stitches all over my tummy to prove it! Mostly to start with I was emotionally blank and just happy to be alive.. ectopics can be so very dangerous, and then I went on to over attaching myself to my 2 year old DS, who was worried where mummy disappeared to suddenly. Later when I received a sympathy card from a friend and a belated call from a midwife who hadn't bothered to read my notes to congratulate me on being pregnant I broke down. I had lost a baby. Only 6 weeks on, and I had only known I was pregnant a few days before it all happened and I went into hospital, again in an ambulance.... gas and air for me though and only a 2 hour wait... (4 hours and I would have cracked - poor you) but it feels real now.

I thank my lucky stars my DS still has his mummy, that is the main thing... but I feel for you. I don't know when I'll be healed up enough to start ttc again. I really want to as soon as possible to get all this in the past, but I have to wait and keep things real damnit. For now shopping, mini-eggs, treating my DS to extra special attention and the lovely ladies here on mumsnet will have to distract me to help eat up the days until I am well again.

I am so so sorry you had to go through this. I thought you might feel better knowing there is someone out there going through almost the same as you too....

Huge hugs and mini-eggs to you from me.

Look after yourself. I wish I could say something more inspiring, but I can't. Because I am rubbish at these things.

[BulletProofMum]

PFJ -s orry for your loss. As I said earlier - the physical symptoms will heal quickly - the emotional take longer.

Take your time and focus on the positive as your are doing.

I had dreadful care - admitted to A&E at about 11 pm, pregnancy test given as routine (I had a Mirena so it was initally assumed I had a GI problem) and ectopic immediately suspected. I spent the night in A&E before being admitted to a ward. I was in horrendous pain - I spent the morning asking and asking when I was to be scanned. Eventually I was taken down (made to walk) for my scana dn made to wait for the morning pregnancy clinic to finish (with all the excited mums to be) in obvious distress. The first sonographer kept just saying ' it's very busy here', even DH and I could clearly see a foetus. Eventually she called a senior sonographer who spotted the ectopic. It wasn't until then - over 12 hours after the ectopic was suspected that everyone suddenly paniced and I was admitted for emergency surgery.

[ThePFJ]

Wow Bulletproofmum I can see why mumsnet fight for better mc care, its all a bit shite isn't it?

Nicky - I hope you are doing ok today.

[Muser]

Really sorry to hear about your loss. It will take a while to come to terms with it. Give yourself time to grieve.

I was lucky in that my ectopic was found early, meaning I could be treated with drugs and avoid surgery. It's an awful thing to have to go through.

[nickymorris]

PFJ Really sorry to hear that you've been through this recently too. It does help to know there are other people going through the same whirl that I am.

And don't worry about not being able to think of anything inspiring - the important thing is that you are there.

All the best for your healing process

[ThePFJ]

Its absolutely crazy.. you arte right it's like a whirl.

Have a good day and I hope you are healing well too.

Hugs
xxx