Missed miscarriage - would welcome advice from those who've been through it.

[Besom]

I have just had a scan today and been told no heartbeat and no growth since scan at 6 weeks. (9 weeks now)

Am trying to decide what to do - is the pill the best thing? Could anyone who has had this talk me through it a bit?

Thanks in advance.

[CMOTdibbler]

I'm so sorry for your loss Besom . I've had two mmc - one very missed (found at routine 13 week scan, had not developed past 5 weeks), and one where the baby died the day I had been scanned at 7 weeks, and I started bleeding at 8+5 weeks.

I decided to have an ERPC both times - I wanted to get it all over and done with tbh

[gypsymummy]

Hi Besom, I have been through this at the same number of weeks and I was right in the middle of exams so i asked for the D&C arrangement to be delayed till after the exams( something many would wonder at i know!) so i continued to bleed and suffer actually till i went in for the D&C fir about 2 weeks..one thing I was told and I recall very well is that some women don't even need a D&C as it all happens naturally but you would have to wait for ages in some cases -something I would not advise! So why not discuss with your GP or whoever is observing you on what your options are. Best of Luck!

[Mung]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.
I had a MMC at 12 weeks scan that detected no growth from 6 weeks. I waited inititally to miscarry naturally and the wait was horrible, so I went for an ERPC. The pill option was really dumbed down at my hospital as they are not too familiar with it - I now wonder if it was more of an issue of staffing.

I must admit that the wait for the ERPC was not pleasant, but it enabled me to move on and face it all being over.

I hope you find an option that suits you best.

[Besom]

Thank you CMOTdibbler - I'm sorry for your losses too. I'm still in shock really because I was optimistic this morning that everything would be OK.

Do you have to have a general anaesthetic for the ERPC?

[gypsymummy]

Yes you do go under full anaesthectic Besom and I totally understand what you are saying about being in shock. Afterall, it is the end of a life but then trust me it was not meant to be and there was nothing you could do to prevent it. Hope all goes well for you.

[Besom]

X posts - thank you gypsymummy and Mung. Having to do exams must have been pretty horrendous

I will phone the midwife again tomorrow and go through options again. She did say I could take pill and go home (they don't need to admit people any more) but that it doesn't always work.

[Mung]

You do have a general but as a day patient and you come round quite quickly from it. I was most worried about the anaesthetic actually and in the end it wasn't all that bad.

I remember feeling a bit sore the following day and having to have help but after that I was fine.

[CMOTdibbler]

yes, but it's a very quick anaesthetic. I couldn't have faced waiting around for the tablets to work, knowing they might. I also had a natural mc between the ERPC ones, and physically and mentally the ERPC ones were easier tbh

It is a big shock - be easy on yourself

[meatntattypie]

Hi,
I have had 5 mcs.
I want to tell you about each oft he options as i have had most of them and so can let you know about my experiences.

2nd mc i opted to wait. I knew at 6 weeks i would mc after a scan. Didnt mc till i was 13 weeks. That was a slow living torture just waiting for it to happen.

3rd & 4th mc i had the tablets, pesseries and went into hospital. It was over within 12 hours, very very painful and distressing.

last mc happened on its own. Was over within a day, also painful and distressing but in hospital they were able to provide gas & air, morphine, tramadol and paracetamol for the pain.

i have never had any surgical intervention, but i am told its quick relativly painless but still distressing.

good luck with your decision my lovely, sympathies and hugs to you. x

[Besom]

meatntattypie - you've had a terrible time of it. Thank you so much (everyone) for sharing this with me, it is helping a lot.

[daisytaylor]

Hi besom so sorry for your loss. I had a mmc last october and opted to wait it out but after weeks of bleeding and the mc being incomplete i decided to take the tablets which were misoprostal. The first couple of hours i had sickness and diarrhea but mild and it was quite painfull and it took another 2 weeks of very heavy bleeding and clots before it was all over. If i had another mmc i would go for the erpc. But every woman is different and you could go natural and all will go to plan. I hope this is of some help to you though. I have had erpc in the past and it was alot more straight forward and over quicker. Which is better if you want it over with. All the best.

[littlemiss72]

Hi besom, so sorry to hear of your loss. I had a mmc and found out at 10 + 5 weeks, left the hospital numb as we all do finding out such terrible news. Was given the same options as you erpc, natural or tablets.

I opted for erpc, went back 4 days later and was in hospital from 7.30am until 1pm. It was a very sad time however over quite quickly which all things considered was ok. I bled for a couple of days after and then it tailed off.

That was early Feb and my cycle is back to normal so I another plus I feel. I have a friend who had the tablet option and she's been having bleeding problems ever since and that was around the same time as me.

Everyone is different however, go what ever you feel is right for you. No words can comfort you but time is a great healer, love and hugs x

[elvislives]

I've had 2 mmc. The first was at 10-11 weeks and the second at 7 weeks. Both times I had ERPC. I had already started to bleed with both and was horrified (esp the second time) by exactly how much blood loss there is, which I think is the downside of the pill option.

ERPC is quick and relatively painless. They only keep you in for the day, and your periods come back 4 weeks after the op so if you want to try again you don't have the wait.

Sorry for your loss.

[chubbymummy]

So sorry you're going through this.
I've had 2 mmc's and opted for the ERPC both times. First time I decided to wait for it to happen naturally but after 2 weeks of agonizing stomach cramps nothing had happened. I then went for the ERPC on the advice of a friend who has unfortunately had 12 miscarriages and experienced each of the options.
Whatever option you choose, make sure you take it easy afterwards and give yourself time to grieve. x

[Besom]

All of this is very useful to know, thank you so much for helping me like this when it is such a painful subject to talk about.

Advice is really leaning towards the ERPC!

Especially for your friend chubbymummy.

[Goodluckbear]

Hi Besom,

Just wanted to say how sorry I am, your post reminded me of me at the start of the year - same number of weeks, same sort of thing.

I went for the ERPC, although by the time it came round I had started bleeding loads (the "heavy period" chat doesn't describe it properly - if it does happen and you want details, let me know). Every option has pros and cons, and do what is best for you - to quote the doctor I saw "sorry nothing really makes this easier".

If you do go for the ERPC, it goes roughly like this (and feel free to ask any questions - I'm the queen of "too much information"!):

• you don't eat anything from 6.30am, and don't drink anything from 10.30am
• you go to the hospital mid morning, and they take some blood and may do an internal scan if you've had lots of bleeding to check if you still need the ERPC
• you'll meet with a doctor again (and wait around lots)
• early afternoon you'll be at the day surgery ward, and they'll give you a gown and paper knickers to wear, you should have a locker to put all your stuff in (take some slippers to wear)
• they'll give you two pessaries to put in about half an hour or more before (might make you have cramps). You'll also answer more questions from the anaethatist (sorry can't spell!!)
• when they're ready for you, they'll take you into a room and you get on a trolley, and then they put the general anasthetic into your arm, it works pretty quickly
• then you'll wake up in the recovery room and stay on the trolley for about an hour, you might feel like you have cramps then too.
• you can then have a drink and some toast or a biscuit or something.
• they like to check you've been to the toilet, but then after a bit more waiting you can go home - someone else has to take you home in a taxi or drive you.
• and you take it easy for a couple of days.

Sorry for the long post, I just remembered I was really scared and I'd have liked to have known exactly what was going to happen beforehand. It wasn't as bad as I thought, and you will hopefully recover really quickly (maybe just a week or so of light bleeding afterwards).

Hope that helps and wasn't overkill on the detail....

Big hugs

xxxxxxxxxx

[stillfrazzled]

Besom, I'm so sorry. I have literally just mmc'd in exactly the same circs and opted for the EPRC on Monday because I just wanted it over and done with.

Physically it really wasn't so bad. The GA was nerve-wracking but there was very little pain and I was home by 4pm, albeit woozy.

The thing I'd warn you about (see my current thread about 'falling to pieces') is that the feeling of relief and 'that's that, then' you might get the day after may well wear off and you will still have the grief to deal with. I thought I was OK but then collapsed a bit yesterday. Better today, though.

So don't expect yourself to be OK and be kind to yourself, whatever you choose.

[Besom]

Goodluckbear - no, the detail is what I need. Thank you.

Stillfrazzled - I saw your post. I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today. One day at a time.

X

[MrsTeeCee]

Hi Besom

Sorry to hear about your loss. I had a missed miscarriage nearly five weeks ago. I was ten weeks pregnant but there was no foetal heartbeat and it was the size of a 7 week foetus. I chose the "medical management" route ie, where tablets are inserted to bring on the miscarriage. I chose this option because (a) I have never had any kind of surgery and wasn't keen on ERPC (albeit it's a quick and straightforward procedure) and (b) I was told there is a slightly increased risk of infection following ERPC and a small risk of damage to the neck of the cervix, which could affect future fertility. As I have no children yet, I obviously didn't want to compromise my fertility.

When the tablet is inserted, you have to wait in the hospital for about one hour so that it can be absorbed fully. In my case, the miscarriage started approx five hours after the tablet was inserted. It was very painful for about two to three hours but I was given strong painkillers, which helped. From then on, I bled quite heavily for about 4 days and then bled lightly for the next 5 days. I had a scan 10 days after the miscarriage so that they could see whether or not everything had left the uterus.

Physically, I felt fine within a few days of the miscarraige, but it does hit you emotionally when you least expect it. We're now looking forward and hoping that lightning doesn't strike twice and we'll have better luck next time.

Best wishes xx

[Besom]

Mrs TeeCee, I hope you have better luck the next time.

Have booked an ERPC for Wednesday but am going to think about it over the weekend. What you said about future fertility has made me think. I do have one dd but depserately want another one. I asked the midwife this question and she said there were no risks to future fertility but I think I need to speak to them about it again.

[Faith1972]

Hey

I've had 3 mcs, 2 of which were missed and removed by ERPC. First one at 6wks and was so shocked I walked around with it inside for 2wks. Nurses weren't happy about it but respected fact that I was overcome with shock. Op not as bad as expected and back to work within the week. Second one lost at 9wks, no heartbeat, so agreed to have ERPC next day. Was in anaesthetic room and couldn't go through with it. I just wasn't ready to let it be taken from me. I told them to stop but a sedative was put in my hand so they could get on with giving me the general. I have felt violated ever since.

Third one was lost and passed naturally.

The ERPC hasn't been as bad as expected each time, but only sign up for it when you are truly ready.

I hope this helps in some way. Be kind to yourself, and anything that helps you move on quickly is surely the best way to go.xx

[Faith1972]

I have no children at all yet, and had 2 ERPC's. Get your medical team to give you the statistics on future fertility if you are really concerned. When I had my 2 missed mc's I felt that even the 'medical management' puts crap chemicals in your body too so neither is a great option!

Having recently gone through tests to ascertain why 3 x mc's I have come to realise just how little the NHS seem to know about this field. Don't get me wrong they have been very sympathetic, but given their huge 'to do' list they just don't have enough funds for extensive research.

They have to tell you about all the risks, but from memory, the numbers are miniscule.

You will know in your heart what is right for you.xx

[Besom]

Hi Faith

You've said something that I've been struggling to express - that I don't really want it taken away from me, but obviously I know it will have to be.

That is a good point about the chemicals.

I hope you find some answers. X

[mememe30]

Hi all,
I had a mmc at 16 weeks. No growth from 9 weeks. It was dreadful and reading this has brought it all back. I had a d and c. I was lucky and now have two children. The hardest thing I found to cope with was that I had been walking around so happy for weeks and not knowing. I needed it sorted quickly for me but everyone is different.

[randomimposter]

Oh Besom am so sorry for your loss.

If it helps my story is as follows.

Had DS at 40 - conceived naturally by accident but very happily. Had an emergency CS (mention only as there is a suggested link). Decided to try for #2 when he turned one, was amazed to fall first month of trying. Went for my scheduled Nuchal scan at 12+6 weeks, no heartbeat, baby died at 11+6. Had an ERPC 48 hours later, partly as advised as baby quite big and other options would have been more difficult and partly because I felt I needed to move on and focus on DS.

My cycle after the ERPC was a bit erratic, one long, then 2 short cycles. Then got pregnant again. Was more wary of every symptom and twinge this time... something didn't feel quite right. Went to EPU at 11 weeks and baby had died at 9. This time there was a big wait for the ERPC, and 6 days after the scan (so I guess 3 weeks after the baby died) I started to bleed. It was extremely heavy for 5 hours (couldn't leave the bathroom - echo other posters about "heavy period? My arse.."). And at the time it seemed horrific. BUT on reflection, it was more the fear of the unknown, how much worse will this get? It was only ever mildly painful - used to get much worse period pains. It was just the disconcerting feelings about the blood loss to be honest. Anyway in short, I had to be rescanned 5 days later and the day before the ERPC was scheduled, and surgery was deemed no longer necessary as mostly passed.

Sorry - seems like a long ramble.
Key points:

1. ERPC was FINE; recovery really quick. My only hesitation was if the surgery has more of an impact on your cycle and hence fertility going forward (was assured by the EPU this is not the case).
   
2. natural loss was also ok - and I am clinging to the hope that maybe MC this way may not mess my cycle up as much. (At 42 I am running out of time, I am very keenly aware of this).
   
   I don't have experience of medical management - pills. I have only been advised that this CAN be painful. BUT am sure you will find people who will say this is ok too.
   
   However your MC progresses, I hope you get lots of support. And take the time YOU need if you decide to TTC again. Take care x