Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Going back to work and terrified

11 replies

MissiG · 04/02/2010 10:02

I'm due to go back to work next week and today anxiety has hit me full in the face. I am terrified. I miscarried at 11wks4dys, a few people at work know but I've kept what's happened quiet (not many people I feel I can talk to at work). I fell off my bike on they way home from work (the day before I went for the scan, consultant said that the fall had nothing to do with the miscarriage but I've beaten myself up over that. I thought I was alright but today I feel sick at the thought of getting back on my bike and seeing all those people at work. I'm being hounded by the office busy body (not my friend and certainly not someone I would confide in) - she left 4 messages on my phone (mobile and home) to find out what's wrong with me and she TURNED up at my house yesterday morning (9.30am) and shouted through my letter box. I was such a coward, I hid upstairs in my bedroom, whilst my dd was downstairs watching cartoons (she's 2.5) and could clearly be seen from the front window. Why won't she leave me alone? I thought I was going to be sick hearing her shouting at me. I thought I was OK!!!!!!! To top it all my husband is really stressed at work and I can't talk to him about this. I rang him to say she was banging on the door and he told me I had to just answer the door and that he was in a meeting! Stupidly I felt so rejected by him. I feel rubbish today...

OP posts:

Report

StealthPolarBear · 04/02/2010 10:06

sorry
as your manager or other friends for help dealing with this woman
sounds like you are very anxious but she is a nosey interfering idiot!
possibky she means wewll but she needs to know you aren't up to her visits / interest

Report

StealthPolarBear · 04/02/2010 10:07

ask you manager or colleagues i meant, sorry

Report

MissiG · 04/02/2010 10:09

Thanks for replying StealthPolarBear. I'm in a new office on Monday as well - new open plan with loads of people and I know she's going to track me down and start asking questions - she has no tact or emotional intelligence to speak of. Felt better for getting that off my chest!

OP posts:

Report

StealthPolarBear · 04/02/2010 10:15

do you know, are you friendly with anyone at all there? Not sure if it's a new job or just a new office, sorry.
Thinking about this, she prob does mean well. But I think you need to be straight with her just "I really appreciate your concern but I'm really not up to talking about it. Can I let you know if I need a shoulder to cry on?" If she doesn't back off after that IMO it becomes harrassment.

Report

MissiG · 04/02/2010 10:19

New office but same people - though the whole department is in the same space (previously I shared an office with 2 other people so it's going to be quite different). She is well meaning just so insensitive in her need to know everything. Thanks for the suggestion. I'm going to write it down and practise saying it!

OP posts:

Report

becstarlitsea · 04/02/2010 10:23

StealthPolarBear's advice is great. I think if this woman persists say something like:

'I know that you're meaning to be helpful [even if you don't really think she is!] but I've talked about it to HR, and to my supervisor, and my doctor, and now the best way that you can help me is to let me settle back in to work."

Just so that she knows you HAVE talked about it quite enough, you're not sitting alone needing to talk about something (which she might be kidding herself that you are when actually she's just projecting her own nosiness!) and you're giving a clear way to be helpful - ie let you be.

Best of luck. So sorry

Report

jumpyjan · 04/02/2010 10:36

MissiG. Are you sure you are ready to go back to work? My GP signed me of for a couple of weeks after my miscarriage and I just hid from the world (though obviously difficult when someone is shouting through your letterbox).

I asked my line manager to tell people at work before my return. My line manager and one other person knew I was pregnant anyway and I knew I could not cope with people asking questions as to where I had been.

From your post I was not clear whether the office busybody knew what had happened or not. Could you text her to say you are off because of the bike accident? Would that get rid of her?

So sorry for your loss and I hope it all goes well. Often once the initial walking into the office bit is over it is much easier.

Report

MissiG · 04/02/2010 10:51

Thanks jumpyjan. I've just got off the phone talking to my manager. He was brilliant and told me his wife had had a miscarriage so he seemed pretty understanding. I ended up telling him more info than I thought I would but he was so nice - he did make me cry. It's made me feel much better, he's told me where I'm sitting and what we'll do when I get in so that's helped a lot. He's also going to let everyone know I'm going to be back in. The doctor signed me off for 2 weeks (+ I had the week off when I had the ERPC = 3 wks) so I really want to go back otherwise I'm scared I'll never go back...

OP posts:

Report

jumpyjan · 04/02/2010 11:45

MissiG - your manager sounds fantastic. Just little things like knowing where you are going to sit and how the day will pan out must be a big comfort to you. I think it is good that you had an open chat with him. I sometimes think goodness I was so open about everything with people at work but I think it was the best way to be. I needed to let it all out and not pretend everything was fine.

I am glad you have had a couple of weeks off and I know what you mean about going back or you never will. I felt the same. It will take some time to get over and you need to take it easy on yourself - one day at a time. All the best.

Report

clareanna · 04/02/2010 15:03

Hi MissiG - I went back to work on monday after 2 weeks off and was dreading it too.
I hadn't told anyone I was pg, and had jsut told them I needed time off for an operation. However, I got bobarded with txts as people were thinking of all sorts of things (work in an all female office). So in the end I asked my manager to tell them why I'd been off. Before my return I spoke to a friend who works there to say that I just wanted to return quietly and get on with my job, and to please tell people that I didn't want any fuss or hugs.
I've managed to get through 3 days only crying once, and if people asked me how I was I jsut replied fine, how are you - which made it perfectly clear I didn't want to talk about it any further.
Jsut take it one day at a time, and if you need a cry have one xxx

Report

MissiG · 04/02/2010 15:20

Thanks so much. Of course I have spent the rest of today worrying I said too much, but I know that's silly, he asked the questions and we've got a good working relationship so I'm going to nip that in the bud... I'm amazed at the level of interest my absence has had, didn't think people would really be interested but apparently they've been thinking the worst (I had thyroid cancer a few years ago, so I think people thought I was dying because one minute I was at work and then next I wasn't). Your replies have helped so much!!!! I've emailed another colleague who I know I can trust, so I've got a line of support in place if I look like I'm going to lose it like a crazy lady.