it's so unfair

[liahgen66]

Hi,

Found out today my 10wk+ bean hasn't made it, but my body is obviously in denial. Just felt bit wierd and booked private scan. MMC so have to go in Monday for erpc. Looking at the little shape laying inside me quietly is enough to tip you right over the edge, I can tell you.

Have had 2 now and 2 complete mc's, I know this isn't that many in the grand scheme of things but i feel so angry, why is it so hard? There are loads of us on here that love our children and want children and can't have them/keep them inside us and bastards like that fucking woman in the sun today have them willy nilly and don't even look after them.

aagggghhhhhhh

[asquashandasqueeeze]

liah I'm really sorry. I am in the same position, and it's shit. Sorry.

[kissmummy]

hi there asquash i can totally relate to your feelings of devastation when you saw your bean without any heart beat on the scan. for me this is always the most devastating moment. I've been through it four times in the last 18 months.
i honestly, honestly do not know how i can gather the strength to face a scan in early pregnancy, ever again. and yet the desperation for another child means i know i will keep going. my heart goes out to you. i'm a little confused - is this your third MC? hopefully if so you will now be referred for tests.

[kissmummy]

sorry, i meant to address my message to the original poster, liah

[liahgen66]

It's my 4th kiss but not one after the other, it's 2nd in succession now. I'm 43 now and it took us 15 mths to get this little one.

We will try again I know but it's so bloody scary you can't just relax and enjoy it.

for you too. 4 times in 18 mths. Do you have other dc's? I have 5 beautiful healthy children and am very very lucky compared to some, maybe we're just being greedy, some poor souls don't have any.

squash yes it is completely shit, I hate it. Why us eh? I know that's completley selfish and there are others far worse off but I just wanna scream, I was almost hysterical in the scan room, luckily I had a very good friend with me, (dh hadn't known at this point how worried I was)

Just wanna hide away, think we're gonna book a holiday tomorrow for the summer.

[randomimposter]

lia I'm sorry to hear your news; I remember you from some TTC threads pre Christmas. I had a MMC in August; such a horrible experience to go to a scan and not get the news you expect/hope for.

I know you already have 5 beautiful children; but also have come to understand that whether you are TTC#1,2,3,4,5,6,7 whatever.... if you don't feel your family is complete, then it can be such a heartbreaking quest; particularly at our more mature stage in life.

Hope the ERPC goes smoothly and you start to feel better very soon.

[SmileyMylee]

Lia, I'm so sorry. The anger does pass but the feelings of sadness and loss don't go so easily. No matter how many other children you have it doesn't make losing a much wanted baby any easier. I look at my children and I know exactly what I have lost and it breaks my heart.