I feel really awful and selfish, but after losing a very much wanted and loved baby at 11 weeks I feel this strange sense of numb relief, if that makes any sense. On Sat night, after a couple of bottlesglasses of wine, DH and I had the "we can try again soon" conversation, but I've realised I don't want to. I have planned all my life to be a mum relatively young (I am 26) and was overjoyed when I realised that I was pregnant. But now, well.. I don't know. We can go to India for three months, or I can change career. I would give these things up and a million more to have my baby back, but we can't. I don't think I can just count down the days until we're "ready" to TTC again, I think I have to get on with my life, and try when the time is right. I feel awful, because I keep getting slapped in the face by grief and shock, but when I think of the different options ahead of me I feel a strange sense of... possibility. And that feels so terrible for my poor unborn DC. I can't explain this to DH and no-one else in RL knows that we were expecting. Please don't say I'll change my mind in a couple of months, I don't know if I will or won't.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
I didn't expect to feel like this
4 replies
IHeartKittensAndWine · 18/08/2009 21:51
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