natural 'missed' miscarriage and acupuncture

(41 Posts)
ana23 Mon 13-Jul-09 14:42:25

I wondered if it might be helpful to tell my recent experiences to anyone out there who is waiting to miscarry (oh joy) and wondering which of the three delightful choices on option to go for ... I believe they are called natural, surgical, and medical. I have just read back through the whole of what I've written below, and think I should mention that I have included some gritty details (as this is what I personally have been looking for on forums for the last couple of weeks, in order to know the worst and prepare myself). If you'd rather not hear about these, and I'm sure each experience is different anyway, please don't read on. I would hate to upset anyone further at what is such a difficult and upsetting time anyway.

I had brown spotting at what I thought was 11 weeks and toddled off to hospital, not too worried, to check it out - was scanned and told that pregnancy only looked about 5 weeks ... I didn't think this was possible, but of course clung to hope that I might have my dates hopelessly wrong and waited another 9 days (increasing spotting, but still brown) for a second scan to confirm that pregnancy had, as they so sweetly put it, 'failed'. After nearly two weeks of this light bleeding, and feeling increasingly exhausted and emotional, I was told about the three options for the miscarriage: to wait it out and let it happen (natural), to be given some pills that day, and more two days later and then sit on a pot in hospital until 'everything' hopefully came out (medical), or to go in for a general anaesthetic and get it all taken out (surgical). I asked for some time, as felt I didn't want to be rushed into things, and I would advise anyone else in this horrible position to do the same. I was given what i think was a helpfully informative leaflet from the Miscarriage Association - I think the same info is available from them on line. I was far too tearful to be able to make a decision at that moment in the hospital in any case, and really needed to talk to my husband ... or have a hug. Or both. My inclination was to let things happen naturally. I had a mc six years ago (which I don't remember being all that bad - like the mother of all periods, but manageable and over in a few hours), and have since had a beautiful baby girl (21 months ago)and found I was lucky enough to be able to cope with labour pain naturally (baby in uncomplicated position and small). HOWEVER, back to the present - after so much time waiting already, bleeding a little, grieving a lot, I also wanted it to HAPPEN in order to know it was over. And then I had an inspiration. When my pregnancy went over due date by a week, and with the the threat of being induced three days later, I went to see an amazing ex-midwife/acupuncturist who works at Holistic Health on Broadway Market (Hackney, London). She got things going, exactly as she predicted, and I actually had my daughter naturally on the day I was due to be induced. So, I thought, perhaps she could help get the miscarriage moving as well? I know that sounds a painfully matter-of-fact way of putting it, but maybe if you are out there waiting, you will know what I mean by wanting things to happen, perhaps so that you can actually believe them. To cut a long story short, I had acupuncture on Thursday afternoon and was told to expect things to start in about 24 hours. I should also say that the acupuncturist, Alison, is an absolutely lovely woman, and almost the only person I've seen so far in a professional capacity to say they were sorry, and ask how I was feeling. Beleiving implicitly that I had 24 hours to get my thoughts in order also gave me time to go to my graduation ceremony on Friday (ah!), feed my daughter and put her to bed that eve, and then it all started. The power of the mind? An hour or so of severe period-type pains, followed by bleeding that was heavy enough to mean I couldn't get off the loo. Like a fast dripping tap, or more - sorry to be graphic, but I spent ages on forums looking for gory details so I could prepare myself, and didn't find nearly enough (for me, as I said above, I'm sure not everyone wants to know all this). Husband, and sister (who'd come down for graduation - believe it or not, we'd had a great day), ferried hot sweet tea to the bathroom door and took it in turns to sit on stairs to chat. This went on for several hours. I didn't want to be alone, but also didn't want them to see anything. Make sure you have several packets of those enormous 'night-time' pads in if you are planning to do this at home - i only had one pkt, so my sis had to go out to all-night corner shop on Clapton's so-called 'murder mile' at 3am: not ideal. Unfortunately, it all got a bit out of hand by 4am with me fainting all over the place, and hitting head on bedroom door, but this does not have to happen - it was just bad luck. Apparently, it's to do with blood clots etc geting stuck in the cervix, rather than passing out freely. So in the end, went to hospital in ambulance (oh, the drama) and got a drip and finally admitted at 6am, where I stayed until 4pm the next afternoon. I felt that it was getting too hard for my husb and sis to manage me at home, and was worried that daughter would wake and get upset. Apparently husband was slapping me round the face to get me to come round at one point, but I don't remember this, and frankly think he's seen one too many episodes of ER.
Home Saturday afternoon with lighter bleeding (like hefty period) and painkillers and iron tablets. Nurses were ok, two of them lovely, but the doc in A and E should be made to go through a mc himself. It might make him a little gentler with the tube thing (speculum?) and improve his bedside manner. Then, yesterday afternoon, stronger pains for 10 mins or so, and suddenly a big lump of what I can only describe as looking lke an internal organ (about the size of an apple) came out. A huge wave of relief, complete cessation of PAIN, and a strange feeling of completeness. I have a follow-up scan tomorrow to check nothing has been left behind, but after that little lot, I'd be both surprised and horrified if it has. (Am still bleeding, like period, slight pain) Would I go natural again? Yes, probably, with the help of acupuncture to assist with knowing when it would happen. But I would send my daughter to stay with grandparents and be prepared for hospital if the fainting thing happened again (ie have little bag of useful things like wet wipes, toothbrush, clean pants, those enormous pads, and bed socks packed). And as for getting back to normal, emotionally and physically, the hospital have given me a sick note for two weeks, and I am definitely going to take this week off work. I'll see how I feel next. And I shall be going back to see the acupuncturist in a few weeks for help 'balancing' my system. Apart from that, lots more hot tea, time in bed, and as many hugs as I can get. I wonder if this will really help anyone, or whether it has been more of a cathartic exercise for me? I've never been on a forum before, but have found other postings useful, so if you read this and want to respond I'll try to look back again soon and answer any questions you may have.

coxy3005 Mon 13-Jul-09 17:39:30

Hi Ana,

I'm posting my story from another thread which also has a few gory details. It happened about 8 or 9 weeks ago now so am much better and looking to the future but it does take a very long time to get back to 'normal' although it has really changed how I look at things in life now and have drastically changed my priorities!

Hi everyone,

This is my first ever time doing this, I've been reading everyones stories over the last couple of weeks and have really gained some comfort and now feel about ready to share my story. I was coming up for my 12week dating scan, I reached 11 weeks and after the midwife booking in appt got really excited and we started to tell family and friend, we said that we would wait as we previously had m/c at 8 weeks 7 months previously but felt that we were now reaching the 'safe' time so started to tell people. The day before my scan I started some brownish spotting, I knew that something was wrong and was so scared it was happening again! The next morning we had the dating scan and worst fears confirmed, no heartbeat and only measured about 9 weeks 2 days. I decided to go for natural and not d&c as I had natural before and it wasn't too bad apart from the emotional side it was really just like having a really bad period. This time was totally different, pain like really bad contractions lots of clots and bright red blood. One night the bleeding was so bad I had to go to a&e as it was coming out like someone had turned a tap on and it wouldn't stop!! Was so scary. Everything turned out ok and was sent home after a few hours of observation to carry on with natural m/c. I had my follow up scan which was exactly 2 weeks after the first scan and it looks like everything has come away. To top it all off it was my birthday yesterday and none of my so called friends contacted me, I don't think I'm coping very well, my DH has been my rock but I don't have anyone to talk to about it that understands my freinds don't know what to say to me so therefore don't say anything which wouldn't normally bother me but at the moment feel a bit of an emotional reck!!

Anyway, hope my story may in someway help someone else.

Coxy x

ana23 Mon 13-Jul-09 21:23:03

Dear Coxy - thank you for letting me read your story. I'm so sorry that friends have been less than supportive, but it seems we are both very lucky to have fine partners. It is also good to hear that you are starting to feel a little better. I think that some friends may really not know what to say (though it would be great if they could try!), and perhaps that like any other bereavement, it really is impossible to imagine the emptiness of loss if you have not been through it yourself. Hence the real comfort and support that these forums can give, I suppose. I guess the underlying reason for my posting was to raise the issue of complementary therapies, which certainly no-one at the hospital mentioned. I am not a regular user of acupuncture, but was willing to try pretty much anything if it would help bring to a close the real heartache of what felt like interminable waiting, but without having to use drugs or surgery in the first instance. This has less to do with being hippy than it has to do with cowardice re: hospital intervention, although I should also admit that I have had some very good experiences with the medical profession in the past. As you say, if our stories can help anyone else, that will be something a little bit positive. Wishing you plenty of real joy in the future,
Ana

pruneplus2 Mon 13-Jul-09 22:22:04

Oh Coxy, reading your story is like writing mine - I too had an uncomplicated (albeit obviously emotional) first natural mmc at 10 weeks and thought that a second (consecutive) would not be a problem, physically (at 12 weeks, baby measuring 9 weeks)

How wrong I was. I passed baby within intact sac after 4 hours of horrendous contractions and then bled copiously, filling a pad every 5 minutes. We had to call an ambulance whereby I was bluelighted to A&E then to the EPU ward, still bleeding profusely. Luckily I escaped transfusion, but have now been diagnosed anaemic.

This was only just over a week ago and its only been the last 2 days that I have been able to cry - the shock of it all coupled with the not having time to grieve properly for my first mc has delayed my grieving this time around.

I have many medical questions - which I will post on here when I am ready - but for the time being I am learning how to grieve properly.

Take care all x

temm09 Mon 13-Jul-09 23:34:50

Hi Ana23
So sorry to hear about your MC. You sound like you have a handle on the situation, but I know it's probably not always the case... I had my MC at the end of May (you may have read 'my big long MC story' on this forum. I also found it very helpful to write about it, and also to actually hear other people's gory details. It's a horrible thing to go through, very distressing, but there is some reassurance in knowing that you are not the only one who has gone through it or is going through it. I still find it helpful to read what everyone else goes through.

Good luck with the next two weeks and do try allow yourself to cry. I tried to be brave, and tried to move on, but I still don't feel the MC is actually over yet. Also I seem to have had a trying week - being told of a few new pregnancies and births and being shown someone's scan taken at 9.5 weeks, which is about when I had my MC. Gosh, that knocked me!

Lots of love and strength xx

ana23 Tue 14-Jul-09 12:15:12

Dear pruneplus and temm, and hello again to Coxy if you're looking in,
I am beginning to really see the point of this forum ... I hate to hear of others' pain, but yes, it does help enormously to know one isn't alone. Thank you so much for writing. I think suddenly finding oneself in an ambulance adds another layer of horror to the whole trauma, so I do sympathise, pruneplus. Frankly, it gave me wracking shivers, but maybe I would have had those anyway. I came to in my bed at one point on the long night of the soul that was Friday to find three giant, green-clad blokes shoving things in my ear. This, for some reason, hurt immeasurably. In fact, I was stifling screams every time I was touched. Next thing I knew, I was strapped into a chair being carried down the (3 flights)stairs and heard, as if in a dream, one of them say 'thank gawd she's a little one'. There is a certain grim humour to be derived from these situations, perhaps, but I am aware, Temm, that this is probably stopping me have a good bawl. Haven't cried for a few days, although I can feel it's all backed up in there. Talking of which, if you're on the iron tablets, pruneplus, don't forget yer Bran Flakes. Or even your prunes. Off to the EPAU unit shortly for my follow-up scan and only hope to goodness that I am as empty and hollow as I feel. The thought of any more to go through feels quite beyond me at the moment. As for other people's happy scans, Temm, I too had news of one to grit my teeth over just yesterday - and this living bean shares my now defunct due date. I have decided there is not much to be gained from saying so, however, and I am happy for friend, just REALLY don't want to see her at the moment. While in hospital, I missed being down the corridor from another friend, actually giving birth, by about 6 hours. As she knows about mc, though, and has been such a darling to me the last two weeks, it is much easier to handle. Even looked at her birth photos on FaceSpace or whatever you call it, last night. Gotta go - more sweet tea needs to be drunk, but I send you thoughts and a virtual hug each. No, we don't know each other, but by golly, we all need some hugging,
Ana x
PS Temm, I'll see if I can find your story.

ana23 Wed 15-Jul-09 14:42:28

Dear Temm and Coxy, I was online at 4am (awful nightmares) and found my way to your story, Temm, and all the heartfelt comments and shared experiences that followed. Aching waves of tearfulness for us all. Thought I was feeling much better after yesterday's scan confirmed that (thankfully) I won't need any follow-up 'procedure'. It was a bit of a shocker to be told that i was still, hormonally speaking, pregnant (ie preg test was positive). I was told to do another in a week. Think I may just let that slide, actually. Can't see the point (or am I missing something important?), nor imagine how sad it would be peering at wee'd-on stick in hope of NOT seeing positive result. Anyhoo, just to send some positive vibes to all, and reiterate that I did have a miscarriage before having my daughter, as well as this one afterwards - full-term is possible for us all, I feel sure (although perhaps a bit less so for me at my advanced yrs - 44). Much like Scarlett O'Hara, however, I won't think about that now, I'll think about that tomorrow - I know how lucky I am as it is ...
Hugs all round,
Ana

pruneplus2 Thu 16-Jul-09 13:19:39

Hiya Ana, hope alls as well as can be.

It was actually 2 weeks ago tomorrow that I miscarried and had only shed a few tears by over a week later. I knew everything was building up within me and only time would tell when it would all sink in. Two nights ago I totally broke down and lost all control. I have never ever cried so much in my life - 2 hours later and I was still bawling wondering if I would ever stop - just as I had wondered if I would ever stop bleeding profusely whilst I was miscarrying. I wish I could say I felt better for crying, but I dont. I just feel drained.

I too am having nightmares. I dreamt the other night that I was shot in the head (how random?) but wouldnt believe I was dead, much like the corny Ghost movie. I woke up screaming in a pool of sweat at 4am and had to go around the house checking the doors were locked and the kids and cats were ok.

I havent bothered taking a pregnancy test this time. I saw perfectly well that I had miscarried both on the horrendous night and at the scan a few days after. I am assuming my pregnancy hormone levels have dropped accordingly or will do so in the next few weeks. When I miscarried in March I did take a test a week later which was negative and just made me feel even more negative.

xxx

temm09 Thu 16-Jul-09 14:14:46

Hi Ana and Pruneplus,

Hope you are both doing okay today... just hang on tight cos the rollercoaster is going to continue for a while. And keep coming onto MN and posting and reading, it is enormously helpful (if only to bring the tears on at someone else's story - at least the tears get out sooner rather than later!). 7 weeks on for me and I still feel like I could cry at any given moment. I have just had my first period (I think - all a bit sketchy since in the last 7 weeks I've only had 1 week of absolutely no sign of blood). It all gets a bit much really and I'm so pleased it's over again, for now.

I just want to say to you both to take it one day at a time and be open to all sorts of emotions, the tears, etc. I know you've both had MCs before, but I'm guessing that doesn't make it any easier to cope with. It's a horrible thing and there is so much grieving, crying and recovering to do, and I don't think you can really be prepared for just how much!

Funnily enough, none of the doctors or medics I encountered told me about taking a pregnancy test, but having read through millions of forums I think the only point of it is to be able to differentiate between your MC and your next pregnancy, if you get pregnant again very quickly, so that you can work out the dates.

Be strong xx

ana23 Fri 17-Jul-09 09:36:00

Another day, another nosebleed. Morning all, it was a tonic to read your posts, Temm and PP, and know you're there. This sounds rotten, given that the only reason you're there is that you're both going through grim times, but you know what I mean. Thank you for wise advice and thoughts, and for sharing (and inducing) tears. I quite agree, PP, that one doesn't always feel better after such an emptying out, but maybe it's more the case that it's not immediate? do you feel even a little bit better now? oh, my heart goes out to you. I was horrified to hear that you've been bleeding for so long, T ... gawd, you must be so exhausted. Did docs give you iron tabs? As for trying to get pregnant again, (so needing to know when bleeding is a period rather than just a way of life) I can't even begin to think about it. Not sure partner's up for it either. He's been great, but I think has just about had enough of me dragging myself about ... me too, as it goes, but oh, it's so hard to do much else. Got my bike fixed up yesterday in anticipation of getting back on it soon, and have told work I'll go in on Tuesday to do urgent things (won't go in the rest of the week) - taxi both ways and plenty of fancy coffees, if I can stretch to it (it'll probably end up being train instead of bus and a cup of tea). Dreaming of a holiday, which won't happen either as we're completely skint, but am entering competitions like crazy. Wouldn't it be a hoot to win?
Hugs,
Anna

I've just been sent home from the EPAU to consider my options after a MMC at 10 weeks. Thank you for posting your experiences, yes it might be gory but it's those kind of details I need right now. xx

thefatladyscreams Mon 20-Jul-09 14:57:19

chamoiscreased - so sorry you're going through this.

I was diagnosed with a MMC on Friday at 10 weeks. I'd started to bleed beforehand - hence the visit to the EPAU - and so went with the natural route as it had already started.

I found it invaluable reading about people's experiences on here. I was told to expect that it would be like a bad period but I found the pain much worse. It was only for 2 hours but at least it wasn't too much of a surprise thanks to people's threads here. Apart from those 2 hours (and the obvious emotional side), it has been physically OK and pretty much pain free. I've not had any massive blood loss etc. Hope I'm not tempting fate (but I'm pretty pissed off with fate at the moment anyway).

Hope another experience helps.

Another one grateful for Ana's post - I've booked in to see an acupuncturist on Thursday.

ana23 Mon 20-Jul-09 21:58:56

Hello new girls and previous posters,
I'm really pleased if our thread here has been of help, but so sad to hear new stories.
Is it just me, or does there seem to be a veil of silence drawn over the whole issue of mc (even by women who've been through it and you know personally)? I've felt more meaningful connection with people on these threads than with anyone I actually know, so thank you to all who have written here and elsewhere.
Chamois - how are you doing? I'm so sorry. I'm on line today and tomorrow if there's anything else you want to ask that I might know an answer to. I think it's important to take whatever time you need over making your decision (if you have time - in a funny way perhaps I was actually 'lucky' to have two weeks between first bad scan and mc, though at the time the waiting was excruciating). I certainly found that having the chance to scout around and discover a forum like this meant I was more informed. It was also helpful in the sense that choosing how I wanted to try and manage the mc (as much as that was possible) meant I felt I had had some conscious input into the whole (unwanted) process (some ruddy choice, huh?).
FatLadyscreamed: I agree with you about the pain being worse than expected ... how are you feeling now? Why, I wonder, don't EPAU units offer painkillers to those women who are likely to miscarry at home if they see them before it all happens? Chamois - if you do decide on staying home for the process, and have time, perhaps you could go to doc or back to EPAU and enquire? I guess perhaps it's hospital policy not to dole them out, but they were happy enough to give me horse-pills once I ended up in A&E. It would, of course, have been so much better to have had the same for the hours I was at home too. I did take a couple of normal pharmacy-strength paracetamol, but they might as well have been jelly beans for all the good they did. The sweet tea was much more effective. And despite all that talk of heavy painkillers, I know that acupuncture can do a lot to get one's system (body and soul) back to its best. I hope you find it helpful and restoring on Thursday, FLS.
I have to say that a week on, I am feeling physically much better, and mentally a bit brighter too (the weekend was weird though; I kept thinking 'a week ago today ...'). On Weds I'm going to skip the country and head off to Wales for a bit of a break to visit sister and cousin (hence probably no access to computer and the forum) ... am slightly dreading the journey as still feel a bit feeble about the knees (not doing too well with the eating, even though I know I should be filling up on spinach and other fortifying grub), but hoping that a few days on a wet hillside will blow away the cobwebs. It would be really nice if I could stop bleeding too. It's not much, but it is a constant reminder. All rather draining, I must say. Going in to work tomorrow and have decided to wear best frock and maybe even some make-up in order to bolster confidence. Sending warm thoughts out to you all,
Ana

pruneplus2 Mon 20-Jul-09 22:50:37

Hiya all,

I am feeling pretty damn fed up - I have thrush from the antibiotics I was prescribed as a precautionary measure by the hospital when I miscarried just over 2 weeks ago and now I have cystitis too, ffs. Probably my own fault for embarking on intercourse too soon after miscarrying, but hey ho.

To chamoiscreased and thefatladyscreams - having had 2 miscarriages this year, may I just detail a little of my experiences? Hopefully it will help yourselves and others who may be going through similar - and it certainly is theraputic for me to write it down.

I miscarried first in March (baby measuring 9+5, my dates 10+1)- wanting to avoid medical intervention I chose conservative management. I was sent home from the EPU on a Sunday with 2 types of strong painkillers to sit it out. I was bleeding like a heavy period and by the Tuesday evening I had pretty mild but regular contractions, for 2 hours. Had a bath to ease the pain. When I got out of the bath I passed the majority of the sac membrane and the pain immediately went. I bled thin bright red blood for 2-3 hours, no clots. I never needed the painkillers.

When I got up the following morning, Wednesday, I felt I was passing something so went to the loo - I think I sadly passed the baby down the loo. I continued to bleed like a heavy period, with small, stringy clots this time for the next 24 hours. So Thursday morning, I passed the placenta, along with some more clots. I continued to bleed for about a week. Pretty textbook conservative management according to the hospital.

I ovulated 2 weeks after miscarrying and had my menstual period 2 weeks after. Then I fell pregnant on the next cycle.

Baby measured 8+5 at what by my dates I was 11+5. Again I opted for conservative management - this was on a Friday. By the Tuesday I was not bleeding much at all so phoned hospital and got booked in for surgical - was booked for the Monday. By Friday however, I started having very very painful contractions from 2pm onwards - by 5.30 they were so horrendous I took some painkillers and had a bath.

I lost the whole intact sac in the bath with massive blood loss, not knowing what to do with baby, I scooped it out and chucked it down the loo - something I will always regret... - I was filling a pad every 5 mins and knew something was wrong, I then sat on the loo still bleeding copiously and passed an almighty clot. My OH was on the phone by this time calling an ambulance and I passed another clot which as it felt so big I had irrationally convinced myself was my uterus, with my kidneys and other vital organs attached for good measure hmm.

I was feeling very faint and disorientated with the blood loss and was going into shock. Paramedics were great (all 4 of them!), as was OH, and I was taken to A&E.

7-8 large clots were removed manually, rather viciously I thought, by the doctor at the EPU ward I ended up being admitted to after a few hours of being prodded and poked at A&E. Stayed in hospital on a drip, strict nil by mouth, hourly obs, Fri night until late Saturday. Bleeding had lessened (but my BP kept rising a bit as I wanted to go home but had to wait for this blood test and that blood test to come back - aaargh!)

On my follow up scan on the Monday, I didnt require the ERPC I was booked in for, luckily. But I can say, if I was ever in the position again, I would opt for the ERPC straight away.

The difference between both miscarriages were astounding, but then in reality I should have known that - the births of both my children were totally different.

Sorry for the long post and apologies for perhaps too much information - Hoever, I wish I had had information that I am writing about now though whilst I was miscarrying.

Physical symptoms of a miscarriage, I can pretty much detail and answer any questions to - emotionally that is a different matter. I would not know where to begin.

Take care all xxx

Thank you so much for your thoughts and replies. I just don't know what to do. All 3 options are fairly shit aren't they. It's a decision I really don't want to make. I'm not comfortable with the idea of surgical management - not at the moment anyway. Plus I don't actually have time to be admitted to hospital as ridiculous as that sounds.
I'm not sure whether it's better to be medically managed, and therefore have some idea when it might happen, or let nature take its course which I'm aware may take some time and be more unpredicatable. I wonder if one is more painful/quicker than the other?
I still have violent morning sickness which seems cruel. Keep randomly bursting into tears which is a bit disconcerting, especially as only a couple of people know I am/was? pregnant so everyone else thinks I have just lost the plot a bit. It all seems so hopeless at the moment.

Hi Chamois,
Sorry to hear you're going through this too. sad I'm in the same boat at the moment after finding out just over a week ago at 8+5 that sac was a few weeks behind where it should be, but no embryo to be found. Keep waiting for things to happen naturally but each time I think things are going to get moving, it comes to nothing.

I've now been spotting lightly for about 5 weeks and getting so frustrated. Back for another scan on Thursday and hopefully be able to discuss my options then as don't think I can wait much longer. I just want it all over with and to start trying again ASAP, although like you I have mixed feelings about the procedures. I've been searching the internet for experiences and advice, and hopefully Thursday will help me with my decision.

I hope you feel a bit better than you did this morning. Still having pregnancy symptoms is one of the hardest parts of this I think. I hope that you'll get the answers you're looking for to help you with your difficult decision.

Take care.

thefatladyscreams Tue 21-Jul-09 16:00:53

Hi to everyone. Such a relief (in a sad kind of way) to find others in the same boat.

Ana - the nurse last week commented that she felt there was still a real stigma about m/c and that it wasn't discussed. I guess that might partly be because most happen under 12 weeks where you've often not told people. But I had a completely naive idea about how long it would take (sadly my RL perception has been corrected).

I remember reading elsewhere that you can't have TMI on a m/c thread and I think that's true. We come here looking because a lot of the general information is just "too generic" and doesn't cover the wide multitude of experiences we seem to have.

Prune - that's just shit. Sorry you must be feeling beyond fed up by now. Cystitis can make you really low (on top of everything else) so hope you're getting lots of tlc and remember your emotions will be completely on empty by now.

Chamoiscreased - one thing the nurse said that helped, was to remind me that I could change my mind at any time. A very personal thought, but I hate the idea of being in pain at the hospital in the medical mgt route (would rather shout and swear in the privacy of my own room) - but that's just me and I've read about loads of people with different experiences. I guess not knowing what to expect is part of this. Don't worry about the plot - it seems to have gone AWOL at the moment wink.

MintChoc - hope Thursday gives you some firmer news. Must be so hard to wait it out. Let us know how you get on - I'll have my fingers crossed for you.

I'm due back to the EPAU for a check up on Thursday and I'm worrying that the m/c won't have completed - can't stand the thought of an operation. I guess cross that bridge when I get to it - but I've always been one for worrying ahead so it's not the easiest time to break the habit of a lifetime.

Just wish the bleeding would stop. Fed up and feel like it's stopping me recovering. At least I've got the acupuncturist Thursday afternoon who is a fertility expert and said it can help the body realign itself. The way I feel I'm going to look like a hedgehog grin.

TFLS - apparently with medical management at my hospital they give you the drugs then send you home to miscarry in peace, that's partly why it appeals (or not, but slightly more than surgery iyswim) I really don't want to be on my own though and my DH is not able to be around until next week. That means another week of limbo until I can do anything.
I do hope the acupuncture helps you, unfortunately I am a real wuss and couldn't do it but will be interested to see how you get on!
MintChoc - hiya. Sorry you're over here too. Hopefully we can follow each other onto a new antenatal thread sometime soon!
I feel alright at this exact moment, but no doubt I will be a wreck again in a short while! Am so tired and emotionally exhausted but can't sleep due to nightmares. I think the scan images on the screen will haunt me forever.

Hi Chamois
So sorry that you're feeling so exhausted and hope that you manage to get some rest soon.

Maybe in time you could speak to someone - I think the miscarriage association have a counselling support service if you think that might be helpful. Not for everyone I know.

I hope you start to find things a bit easier over the coming weeks and I'm absolutely certain that we'll all bump into each other on happier antenatal threads. smile

TFLAS - Thanks for the good wishes and fingers crossed you start to feel better soon too. Hopefully we'll both be able to move forward after our Thursday appointments.

ana23 Tue 21-Jul-09 20:57:18

Hello everyone - am heartily sorry to see the thread so busy and so many of you going through the waiting and misery of trying to make a choice between three rotten options. I think it's particularly cruel to have to do this when you're feeling so physically and emotionally low in the first place. Reading others' experiences, I am beginning to think I got off kind of lightly ... I agree that the not knowing when it would happen was a big part of the angst (which is why, for me and some, but not for all, the acupuncture to get things going was helpful and a useful alternative to hospital pills). At the same time, all along, during the waiting, there was a part of me which insisted on mistakenly/ignorantly/blindly thinking that the two weeks I was bleeding a little bit (before what turned out to be the actual, much more dramatic, and wholly unmistakable mc) might be the miscarriage itself. Lord, how wrong that was. Nothing of great weight to add today (first day back at work, which was unhelpfully manic, so am a bit blank-feeling), but just to say that maybe I'm being mrs repressive, but I genuinely do feel a lot better 10 days on from the miscarriage - not great, but a hell of a lot better. I'm actually finding that telling some people kind of helps (me to beleive it?)
Chamois I think you're right not to want to be on your own at home - apart from the emotional support of someone around to run you a bath/make sweet tea (or whatever feels like it might help at the time), if you get the passing out thing which is apparently related to stuff getting trapped in the cervix on its way out, then it wouldn't be safe. I'm quite a seasoned fainter, but usually have enough warning to slide into a chair or let someone know I'm going to do it - not with this, though ... out cold instantly several times, and bruises to prove it. Here's a trick for nightmares - a truckdriver in Ecuador told me this (so it must be true) ... once you've woken properly and if you feel brave enough to try going back to sleep, turn the pillow over so that you're sleeping on the other side to before. No factual basis for this of course, but it usually works for me.
prune words fail me - your experiences sounds too grim to know where to begin with offering crumbs of comfort. Platitudes don't cut it at times like these, though I'm aware my posts are laced with the little blighters. I clench with sympathy for you all, just don't know how to express it. I'm sure many people here will be thankful you've had the oomph to write about all the details - it is really so helpful, and yes, most of the other (official) information out there seems so vague and brief it might just as well not be written. Mint I'll think of you on thurs - you're very brave to have lasted five weeks, I think. Two nearly did me in.
fatladyscreams I hope the needles do their work on thurs. Of course you're worrying about the trip to the EPU - if you can stand it, you could always ask for a bit more time if you think the acupuncture might help (is that before or after the EPU?) ... I found it helpful to set myself a sort of deadline for possibly giving up on natural route: tues (another scan appt. at EPAU) with acupuncture on the thurs before that, 'hoping' that things might happen over the weekend. Which they did.
Whatever you all decide, I'll be coming back to the thread to see you. And, yes, wouldn't it be great to meet on other, more positive discussions some time in the near future?
Take care,
Ana

Hi Ana,
Just wanted to say thanks for your information and advice on this thread. I'm so sorry for everyone who has been through a traumatic miscarriage and think that the stories on here have helped me to prepare for all eventualities.
I read the leaflets online and although informative and helpful, I still felt that they were a little vague in respect of what to actually expect. I feel that I'm now aware (hopefully) of worst possible case scenario, and if I get away with a more manageable experience then that would be a bonus.
I hope all the other posters are coping OK and wish everyone the best over the coming days and weeks.

I'm so glad we have each other on this thread and I really value everyone's experiences, thank you.
The decision may have been taken out of my hands as I started bleeding this morning. Not much as yet so I'm a bit confused as to whether this is really it or not. I am assuming it is as it's bright red blood but am not sure whether I should be aiming to stay indoors or not today? How quickly should I expect it to get really bad?..

Hi Chamois.
How're things? Hope you're OK.

thefatladyscreams Sun 26-Jul-09 22:25:44

Hi, just thought I'd check in and see how everyone is doing? I've been thinking of you all over the weekend and hope you're all OK.

I had my acupuncture appointment Thursday afternoon and found it incredibly helpful. I also went to the EPAU that morning who confirmed that the m/c seemed complete - but they seemed surprised that I'd stopped bleeding within a week. Nice not to have that physical reminder all the time. Just wish the emotional side was so easy sad.

But hey, take each day as it comes I guess.

Hi
MCA, I'm OK I think. Bleeding stopped again as suddenly as it started and the likelihood is it isn't over yet. Am going in later to talk about the tablets as I can't cope with wondering what's going on the whole time.

TFLS - I'm glad the bleeding is over for you, that's something at least - but I can empathise with the emotional part. I have some moments when I think 'I'm doing OK, I can deal with this' and then 5 minutes later burst into tears and reaslise I'm really not OK after all! I'm scared of upcoming events, like going on holiday and people's birthdays etc as in my head I had imagined myself doing these things pregnant. And I'm not any more

thefatladyscreams Mon 27-Jul-09 17:18:11

chamoiscreased - sorry to hear you're still going through it. Maybe you could ask for a scan when you go back in to see what's happening.

It will get better, day by day. You're just in a horrible limbo at the moment. Take care.

thefatladyscreams Mon 27-Jul-09 17:19:59

PS know exactly what you mean about envisaging dates pregnant. Feels "odd" when you think about going to them not pregnant. sad

I went back and they scanned me again, not much has changed so I've taken the first tablet as I can't deal with the waiting any more.
Mintchocaddict how did Thursday go?

thefatladyscreams Mon 27-Jul-09 19:06:32

chamois - must have been hard today. Hope you're OK?

Hi Chamois and TFLS,
Sorry to hear you're still waiting Chamois.

Thursday scan confirmed an anembryonic pregnancy (blighted ovum) - sac is still intact and continuing to grow (with nothing inside it)

I've made the decision to have ERPC. Unfortunately there is a wait for this in my area and still have another week before my appt. Should be in and out in one day though, so hopefully by this time next Monday it'll be all over. There's still a chance that it could happen naturally before then but TBH I'd rather just be knocked out and have it all over with.

I hope things resolve themselves quickly for you Chamois and glad that your loss seems to be complete TFLS, although emotionally thing's take longer of course.

Happier thoughts and wishes for us all over the next few weeks. smile

thefatladyscreams Mon 27-Jul-09 19:46:16

MintChoc

Good to hear from you. You were one of the first people I spoke to on the m/c threads and I remember your kind offers of ice cream!

Sorry you're having to wait. That's a real PITA. Hopefully Monday will be out of the way soon and we can all chat on a happier TTC thread.

Take good care of yourself in the meanwhile.

It was crap actually, something quite wrong about taking an abortion tablet when I wanted this baby so much Took me about 10 minutes to actually bring myself to swallow the thing! I'm really scared actually, of what is going to happen next. Am just clinging on to the thought that hopefully this will all be over soon and we can start all over again. Though it's quite demoralising that I've been pregnant for 11 weeks and have nothing to show for it.
Mintchoc I'm glad you have made a decision, such a difficult time. I do hope it goes smoothly.
Both of you - thank you for being here x

Nice to hear from you both - pity it's in these circumstances though. sad

Chamois - Sorry to hear you're feeling so scared. You're being very brave. I was offered medical management but decided to go for surgical as I felt that was the best option for me. I hope what happens next for you is as easy as it possibly can be.

I really know what you mean about demoralising. I feel as though it's precious time wasted, and I too am impatient to get back on the TTC bandwagon. I don't know if that's a healthy impatience but TBH it's keeping me going and making me feel as though I have something to aim for IYSWIM.
It took a year to conceive this time around and I guess I'm just worried that time is flying and I'm no further forward but positive thinking is my new policy on the TTC front so upwards and onwards and all that. Hopefully next time it'll not be such a long haul to get a BFP and hope you both get the happy result that you want very soon.

TFLS - You were also the first person I spoke to on here about what was happening and I'm so glad to have been able to speak on here. DH and I have decided to keep all this to ourselves (with exception of manager at work) as no-one knew about the pregnancy anyway. Although DH has been great, I needed to talk about it with others with a shared experience and I think it's really helped me to deal with it all.

On a happier note you'll be glad to hear that I've just had.........an enormous bowl of ice-cream with chocolate sauce and boy did it taste good! Therapy indeed.
Hope you are keeping well and starting to recover. Will be keeping everything crossed for you as you move on and try again when you feel ready.

Hope to speak to both of you soon. Chamois -take care and hope the next few days are kind to you.

thefatladyscreams Tue 28-Jul-09 14:43:59

chamoiscreased - sorry you're having such a rough time. It must have been hard to take the tablet but you weren't making any decision - nature had already taken it out of your hands sad. I really hope I don't say anything to offend you - so easy to come up with platitudes - but just wanted to say something to ease your pain. If you're not careful I'll send you a very un-MNlike hug wink. Please don't be scared - you will get through this, unpleasant as it is. Post back here when you feel up to it - it's shit but you're not alone.

MintChoc - so glad to hear about the therapy. I had a medicinal bottle of wine as my treat last week when I came back from my check up at the EPAU. Trying to be on a diet the rest of the time... (thefatlady needs to be less fat!). I've locked onto TTC again - not sure how much is displacement activity though. Like you, we've told no-one in RL. I'm quite a private person in RL but funny how easy it is to share everything here!

Anyway, hope you're all OK. Chamois - I know you're in the middle of it right now, but it will get better.

flowersandsky Thu 30-Jul-09 23:56:55

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for posting your story. It helped me so much. My baby stopped growing at 6w1d. I found out at 8 weeks after two ultrasounds and blood work, and now at almost 10 weeks, still no bleeding.

I just got back from my acupuncturist and got online to start searching for what to expect. Since reading your story, I've packed a bag, cleaned the kitchen, and cursed my male OB doctor for refusing me pain pills in anticipation of this.

thefatladyscreams Fri 31-Jul-09 09:35:33

flowersandsky - I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you've found this thread - it's a dreadful time but you will find loads of support on MN.

You mention painkillers - but everyone's experience is very different. Over the counter pharamacy medicine was OK for me.

I've found accupuncture fantastic at helping me realigning my body after the m/c.

Thinking of you at this horrible time.

chamois and mintchoc - hope you're both doing OK.

flowersandsky - sorry you're here with us too. I don't understand why painkillers aren't given out as soon as it's clear you will miscarry, yet when I was given the tablets for medical management I was given a huge box of pain meds. Do ask the OB again, you never know. Otherwise I'd stock up on what you can over the counter.

TFLS - no offence taken anywhere! Only from people who insist on saying 'oh never mind, you'll have another one' anyway! hmm I appreciate your kind words, thank you.

Well I needn't have been so scared. It all went quite smoothly. After I took the second lot of tablets I started bleeding and having pains within the hour. No worse than normal period pains to start with which got stronger as time went on. About 4 hours after taking the tablets I started to pass big clots and the pain got quite bad. Just as I thought I couldn't take any more pain and that I might faint, I passed the placenta and the sac - and was suprised at how recognisable these were. Immediately the pain lessened and I felt huge relief. Since then it's just like I have a very heavy period with a little pain. Emotionally I feel quite good considering, I think the waiting was definitely the worst bit.
I would choose medical management again, it really felt right for me and I think that's what is so important with a missed miscarriage, the right and the information to make an informed decision about what suits you best.
Hope you are all bearing up x

thefatladyscreams Fri 31-Jul-09 14:56:09

chamois - so pleased to hear you're OK (relatively speaking). I feel a little bit stronger day by day and hopefully you will be too. Psychologically I found it helped when I stopped bleeding - I guess the lack of the constant reminder.

Glad you made the right decision for you.

MN has been the only place where I have found detailed info on what's involved and it has been a godsend.

Take care.

Manta7 Sat 05-Sep-09 15:31:35

Hi I'm new to posting and now not new to the miscarriage section of this site. Just Reading yr graphic post has helped as I have just spent about twenty four hours in missed miscarriage pain. Luckily compared to others I've now read about. I started spotted at nine + half weeks. Finally I get a scan which showed baby had stopped at six weeks. They said if I hadn't miscarried naturally by next week they would take it out via an op. The pain has been excruciating and I never saw the embroyo which didn't show on scan either. But I did pass huge clots and a bloody sausage like shape - I now realise was placenta thanks to previous post. So thank you for to much info. I really needed to understnad. The pain immediately subsided so iguess worst is now over. Physically at least. I am 43 and only now decided I wanted children. (i just never felt ready before). I had an early miscarriage at six weeks last nov. That was way less painful. But beginning to lose hope as the clock keeps ticking. Anyway writing this been a way for me to come to terms. My heart is with you all.

pruneplus2 Sun 06-Sep-09 03:14:23

Hiya everyone and hiya Manta - I had actually forgotten this thread was here til you posted and brought it up...How is everyone?

Manta it still must seem so raw and physically and emotionally painful - it DOES get easier, honestly...

I miscarried my 2nd baby this year on 03/07 - it was pretty horrific but I have somehow managed to get by. Problem I have now is that my whole menstrual cycle appears to be fooked - had period on 31/07 but have bled, on and off til now...too many bloody weeks for me to count. By "dates" my period is 6 days late, but I have JUST started bleeding again properly hmm AAARGH!

Anyway, that aside, my due date from first MC (03/03) is fast approaching (25th Sept) so I dont know how I feel. I should be on maternity leave now awaiting my new arrival sad

Lots and lots of hugs to all xxx

*disclaimer - dont give a f**k if hugs are "sooooo un NM'sy"....I am giving them anybloodyway grin

HUGS TO ALL grin

xxx

Manta7 Tue 08-Sep-09 14:43:52

Hiya all

thanks for the positive words... Pruneplus I am sorry to hear your cycle has gone erratic. That must be soo frustrating.

I have pretty much stopped bleeding from the misscarriage now and will get another scan on Thursday to be sure all finished. I am already thinking yes we must try again (tick tock goes the clock) but I am supposed to wait for a normal period first. Last time my period came pretty much a month after the mc but that was a really early mc so I wonder if I too will have a screwy cycle now.
Fingers crossed for all. Hugs and happy thoughts to keep the tears at bay
xx

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