Hey there Jules - good to hear from you.

Finally stopped bleeding the other day - small cheer from me when this happened. Now over 5 weeks since it all happened, seems like a blur sometimes and horribly clear at other times.

Must admit not planning to wait for AF before TTC, bit like you if it happens then great if not then at least I'll know my dates

Fingers crossed all goes well for you this time and I don't think you are being too optimistic to expect a period.

Hope everyone else is doing well and as Jules said enjoy the sunshine!

Starkadder

its been about 4 weeks since my miscarraige- am i being optimistic that i am expecting a period??

My cycle is not iregular but varies in the days- - 31.32.32 etc

I want to wait but i am getting inpatient- - and we have er had some "accidents" were we didnt exactly use any protection - i just thought well if it happens it happens- - but i dont even know if im ovulating or not??

What to do?? im scared it will not come back.

Polar bear- how are you feeling now?? things getting back to normal?

temm09? you? you ok ??

Hi girls

how is everyone on this thread?

I hope everyone is getting better both mentally and physically.

I cant beleive its been a month already since my misfortune. I cant beleive time has flown so quickly.

has it been like that for others?

And for the girls who have been through this recently- - time will go and heal.

have a good weekend people. The sun is shining.

It took about 6 - 8 weeks for me time for me to get period back the first time I had a MC. My cycle is weird and irregular though anyway.

The second time it took...er...about 2 years..! Since I did not wait to get pregnant and then had my lovely DS, and then was breastfeeding.

I think the waiting 2-3 cycles thing is unnecessary. Only issue if you don't wait is that you might not realise you're pregnant since you won't be back in your normal cycle yet.

I will have to quiz my Mother about the whole retroverted uterus thing again, see if its just a midwifes tale thing or not.

No AF has not returned yet but then again I am still bleeding following the EPRC. Not sure how much longer it supposed to go on for really. Not heavy but tis there nonetheless and annoying.

Not sure about this waiting 2-3 cycles business - be over the hill by the time I can TTC again!

x

evening ladies!

well we all have to be brave and give off good vibes - if we all sat here moping round-we would feel shit! have have to go through our process and deal with it and help others heal while we are at it.

We all have to get back on our feet and all else will follow.

Try to not look back to the past, worry about the future, ..its better to concentrate on the here and now which is most important.

Umm retroverted Uterus - - - to come to think of it polar bear- i rarely get period pains- but have a very awful back problem- flares up now and then- not at any particular time but when it does- it kills! I have been to physio and had consultants look at my back- - its called a weak back and i need to do excercises- - not one dr has said it cd be down to a funny womb?????retrovert groups ...ummmm

Polar bear = have your periods returned?? im waiting for mine- - can any of you ladies who have been through this before tell me how long your periods were- - im just waiting for one so we can try again. but drs said wait at least 2-3 cycles. i dont wanna wait that long!

anyway lots of positive vibes to all of you ladies!

Thanks again all I am rather impressed that I sound positive

The thread I started asking about other people who had successfully had one baby but also had recurrent miscarriages has helped too. Lots of positive stories on there.

here

Wow, everyone is sounding so positive and accepting and brave. Well done ladies

I have had a bit more time to get back to 'normal' since my MC was at the end of May, but my body is still a bit messed up and I don't seem to have ovulated this month. Have bought a Clearblue Fertility Monitor and hoping that things will normalise soon and I will have clearer idea of what's going on and will be successful at TTC! But there are ongoing lessons in patience and accepting that this is all beyong our control.

Jules - funny! The more the merrier!!!

Starkadder and PolarBear - we are ALL gatecrashers!

Starkadder, thanks for the positive and encouraging thoughts. It's so admirable since you have had three MCs now.

WispyLady and MishMash - hope those black clouds are lifting for you both.

lots of love xx

Morning everyone.

Glad all is getting better with you Jules, good to hear you are moving on and are back at work ok.

I will trust the process as I do want to have a baby but just know that I will be apprehensive for the whole time!

Starkadder - you sound so positive, I like your viewpoint - lets go with those statistics!!

My scan said I had a retroverted uterus as well (maybe we should form a club here!). My Mum (ex-midwife) said it was just that it laid more towards the back I think which is why I had back ache as part of my PMT. I think if its the other way around you get stomach pains.

Lots of love and positive thoughts all round.

opps = diddnt mean more the merrier in that sense- - - i was trying to be welcomming!!!

i wdnt wish this on anyone!

but no one should be shy joining- its given be so much help this tread and the wonderfull ple!

Polar bear- its understanding to be scared it will happen again = but we cnat live in fear- - we just have to Trust the process and beleive. Be strong. HOpe the bleeding goes away soon. ( mine went withing a week- but the major bleeding stopped a few days later too- so not sure why thta happend to me! i guess we all different !

night hunss
z

starkadder- - - how do you think I ended up on this thread- - I gate crashed too! as they say the more the merrier- everyones stories are different and maybe we can learn something from each other???

I was due in march too- - Its hard getting used to the fact there will be no baby in march. You do think back and thing- ohh i would have been 4/5 months pregnent by now. But things happen for a reason - and well we have not choice but to accept it and try to move on. We cant think of that what ifs now- we need to become strong again. 2 miscarriages must have been hard but you have got thru it. .

Mishmash 24. I have done a lot of reading to do with retroverted uterus - im not sure what a introverted one is. The nurses all told me its got nothing to do with a miscarriage or fertility etc but that its rare but common???? when I went for my scan a week after the pills- - they said my womb was clean and back to normal- -they diddnt have to do a internal scan so im not sure if she meant it had gone totally normal. But as far as I know its just in a different positon to most women. so yes hope is there. Like you i thought i was 10/11 weeks preg but baby stopped at 7-8weeks. Seems a lot of women have a MMC. I am sorry for your loss and i hope that you feel better very soon.

I still have off days but overall i feel ok ; - gotta be!

lots of love and strengh to you all. - you can become whole again. trust the process and beleive.

JUles

hi guys
Thanks so much for asking after me too :-) I always feel like a bit of a thread crasher

I have been a bit up and down but am feeling better today.

I don't mind not having a baby in March...I am happy to wait...but I did want THIS baby. I already felt quite attached to this baby, and was already thinking about my life in those terms...I have to keep reminding myself that it isn't happening, and it's over this time.

Also, I was quite worried and depressed after my first 2 MCs. I was OK but not really myself. You guys know what I mean. After my DS was born, I was SO happy and have been so happy ever since...and I don't want to go back to that worried, anxious state.

The thing is - the statistics ARE in our favour. Even those of us who've had three or more MCs are still more likely than not to have a successful pregnancy next time. Basically, if you were going to bet money on it, you'd bet that we WOULD have our babies…and that it would all be fine- So I think we should believe that.

Jules the scan that identified my MMC last week showed I had a retroverted uterus, not sure if this is the same as introverted?

I've done a little research and it seems about 1 in 20 women have it and there is no known link to fertility so fingers crossed for us both.

Thought I was 10 weeks last week but sadly the scan showed the pregnancy only got as far as 6.5 weeks. I'm glad you feel like you've made some progress over the last few weeks - that gives us all some hope that the big black clouds will lift at some point soon.

just read temm09 and polar bear message. !

Im ok ta!I have had so much love and support of you guys and wanted to say thanks

for the new girls joining this, try to be strong>I have only had one miscaraige but the pain was enuf to last a lifetime.

Try to understand this is a process of nature.

be strong ad be happy.

Im still waiting for a period- - - this is my normal time to be on- but nothing0 but i guess its only been 3 weeks since my miscarraige so it may take some time.

I feel I have come a long way in 3 weeks- - - you will too starkadder and waspy lady. I hope the next bits are as painless as possible. there will be tears, and all sorts of emotions- - just try to ride them out- - - go with the flow- - - you will be put back together again after wht seems like you have be crushed by a steam roller

lots of love

HI GIRLS
I just wanted to say hello and see how you were all doing??

I am back at work now and feel much much better. i seem to be getting on with it and feel abnormal that i feel ok?

is anyone else feeling "OK" ??

I hope you are all recovereing after a horrific time.

Polar bear and Temm09, how are things with you>

Lots of love

Jules

Hey there Temm09

Not so bad, had ERPC last Monday and am glad that is all over. Still seems to have slight bleeding, am hoping that will be over soon as its the last physical reminder.

Hoping to move on and try again, just scared about it all happening again.

But other than that things are improving.

How are you doing?

Jules, PolarBear, Starkadder... how are you ladies doing? xx

Welcome Waspy Lady, though I'm so sorry you have to join us. It's a terrible thing to go through, but hopefully you will find comfort in these pages, and comfort in the fact that you are not alone in what you are going through. I hope you have a lot of supportive people around you. Be kind to yourself and don't try to rush yourself into feeling better too soon. This is a very big thing to go through, so take your time. But know that it will get better.

Keep posting, cos it does help.

Lots of love, and lots of strength xx

hello, I hope you don't mind if I join in...

have just got home from a scan (7+5) when I found out I must have had an early miscarriage.

Am feeling v upset and shocked. Was so convinced all would be well and I'd have my baby in April.

Am crying right now but hopefully will start to feel better in a few days....

Thank you Am home again now.

Also, am realising that believing in this pregnancy and thinking it would be OK (unlike my very terrified and superstitious feeling the time before, when it actually WAS OK) didn't make a difference to how I feel now it is over - if you see what I mean. I don't feel worse because I allowed myself to be happy in those first few weeks. So I think next time I will also try and stay positive.

Gosh starkadder, so sorry to hear about your ordeal - so up and down and then ending in this. Hope the op goes okay and you recover quickly.

Thanks for your positive words of encouragement - especially at such a difficult time for you. It is important to be optimistic and to have encouragement.

Hope you have lots of love and support to get you through this, and hope your little boy brings you extra joy.

lots of love
xx

Hi everyone. I have been reading this thread as I found out today that I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. Was supposed to be 10 weeks today but had some bleeding so went for a scan. Was after a very stressful few weeks - miscarriage diagnosed at 5wks, then hospital said was too early to be sure, then heartbeat found at 7 wks - then this,

Anyway, am posting because I wanted to let you all know that although this is my 3rd MC, I also have a lovely healthy 17mth old who was conceived almost immediately after my 2nd MC. I didn't even have a period in between. I was terrified the whole pregnancy, of course - but it ended up fine and more than likely this will happen for you guys too.

I am pretty cut up about the MC I found out about today (D&C tomorrow) but it makes it a lot easier knowing that if it hadn't been for those first 2 MCs, I wouldn't have my lovely boy now - if you see what I mean. I couldn't love him any more than I do - he's the baby I was waiting for. I am trying very hard to think - what will be will be.

I hope that this post comes across the way it is intended - i.e. as positive news and encouragement. You guys will get your longed for babies too, and I'll have a little brother or sister for my baby soon too.

It still hurts a lot, having a MC, especially after having seen the heartbeat and having told people.

My GP yesterday said we only had to wait one cycle. Not quite sure I'm ready for the ups and downs of it all yet but will be soon.

You are right about it feeling like a chapter closing but I'm with you on the worrying about it all happening again.

Still feel a bit down, hoping that that will change soon.

Not feeling up to TTC yet. Good luck to you all and fingers crossed that all goes well.

Hey Temm09

Next phase indeed, when i left that hospital it was like the chapter had closed.

Ummm,,,seems there is different advice. Dr said 1-2 periods, Sonographer said 3 cycles- thats 3 months ..and thats not taking into account that it may not happen in any event!

I think wait is good till next period to get tthings sorted in that department. mentally i dont think ill be prepared coz of the fear oof it happening again! god dam it!

Its true about not obsessing about the ins an outs and whys and what ifs. Looking fforward wd be good- im not quite there yet!

I did ask the MW sonographer about the uterous and she said that its not the reason of miscarraige- she said that although its rare- a lot of women have it and it does not eeffect fertility or misscarraige etc. One of the other nurses told me she had one- - - and does not effect baby etc. But Im not sure,,,Id have to do my own research.

Well were supposed to have 2 inches of rain and and the back end of some hurricaine! let hhope the suns still there tho,.

Good Luck with your TTC- ( its tiring!!!)

Speak soon

Hope your well this evening PolarBear!

Hi Jules and PolarBear... glad you are both moving into the next phase, hopefully things will get easier for you.

There's so much different advice about when to start TTC again - even from medics. The sonographer told me wait two cycles, hospital gynae said just wait for one period and GP said no need to wait at all. As it turned out, my body was a bit messed up til first period - wasn't actually sure when that started or ended. We tried after that but unsuccessful Haven't been able to try this month because of illness. Let's hope next month is the ticket. And to help us along I'm looking at Clearblue Fertility Monitor, can't bear the idea of more waiting! But as I said before, I think the waiting has actually helped my mental state - it's been horrible, but I've reached the point now where I need to stop obsessing about it and shift my focus to other things -whilst still trying of course. Ideally, yes, I would have preferred to have got pregnant straight away after MC but it's out of my hands.

It seems the only medical reason for waiting is to be clear on your date of conception, should you fall pregnant again quickly. Has anyone given you advice specifically for your introverted uterus? What does that even mean?! I guess the other reasons are more for your mental and emotional health - takes a while for the hormones to settle down before stirring them all up again!

Hope the sun stays out - in all ways

Hey Polar Bear. Im glad your home. Im sorry this was your 2nd. Take plenty rest. I hope our not in any pain (phsyical)I know emotionaly the pain is hard to deal with.

the suns out up north, and im sure the saying - silver lining in a cloud will start to materialise soon for all of us.

Im back at work now, feel much better, still get my pangs of " i should be pregnant now!!!!"

I just want my period back - they told me to wait for 3 cycles to try again - but do I have to? How long did you wait to try again? How long did anyone in here wait???

have a good day peeps!

J x

Well I'm home now and the ERPC has been done. Feel a bit down and tired but at least I feel that that part is over.

This was my second MC, had my first in Feb this year so not been the best of years for me so far.

Hope that its stopped raining where you are and the sun is shining is more ways than one. You'll have to keep in touch and let me know how things go for you

x

Hi Polar bear and Temm09

Thanks for your messages. I feel werid feeling OK. Im back at work now and feel ok. Every now and then tho i think last time i was here i was pregnant!!! arhhh

Polar Bear, i hope today goes well and im thinking of you. Do ask the questions you need to- - I did and although they seemed stupid- they got anwered. Do ask about those pills as its werid how they dont offer to some ple. depends i supose.

I have started to put all the stuff regarding this prgnancy in a box, but not the scan pic, then it would be like i was letting go or forgetting. You know i even took a pic of the blody clear blue digital stick with my fav cuddly toy holding it- how sad is that- - - its coz to me it was a miricle- - wed been trying since Feb this year and i was starting to thing that something was wrong!

Polar bear was this your first MC???

yes i feel like im cursing innocent pregnnant women as i walk the street or go to a do! not thier fualt- Just our misfortune!

Ok well good luck and let me know how it goes. Take care and keep warm! its a shitty rainy day today! Eat well too! love and hugs!

Hey Jules, so pleased that all went well for you in the scan and all is well in the other tests too.

I know what you mean about the memory haunting you. I feel that way too and suspect I will for a while. I feel quite a bit of anger towards random pregnant people I see around - its so frustrating.

Heres hoping we all become a positive statistic soon rather than a crap one!

Positive thoughts all round
x

Jules, so glad to hear that the scan went okay, and that you're feeling better - obviously not skipping for joy, but better nonetheless. Hope things continue to go well for you.

Fulham1, sorry to hear about your 4th miscarriage, that must be so tough. Wishing you lots of strength to get through it, and hopefully some helpful answers soon.

love and strength to all you ladies xx

hey all.

Firstly, the follow up scan went well- everything had come away and I was EMPTY- quite literaly.

I suppose it was good news and I diddnt have to any other prodding and poking- tho i was prepared for it- so prepard- - - i waxed my legs and shaped my bikini----- i started stripping of and the MW was like NO NO is ok were doing a scan on ur tummy! LOL - i guess that was the funny bit of it all.

She explained a few more things better this time and said baby had gone at 7weeks - not 8 like they told me before.

Now i just have to wait for a period! My bloods were good and all tests came back ok too. So what bloody went wrong!!!!!

I feel much better tho this memory will haunt me for a good while.

Fulham 1 - 4 mcs??? but they say that for most its a one off!!! arhhhhh. its scary.

I wish you all luck in TTC.

Weridly- my bleeding had stopped almost completely 2 days after i finished miscarrying..... i was expecting to bleed for months!

the scary think now is trying again. How did you ladies manage without giving yourselves a nervous breakdown????

Went to a function last night and the sight of a pregnant woman - - made me want to throw up----in envy and anger! arhh

trying to be a mum..never thought id be a statistic and it would ever happen! chin up tho eh???

Hi ladies,
So sorry to hear your stories. Jules80, please don't blame yourself. I am on pg#4 (all mcs so far) but already know it is another mmc and am now waiting for it to leave me. Midwife told me that too many women get caught up in thinking that mc is due to something they did wrong, whereas in reality, if a pg is going to stick, it will, and if it is going to fail, it will. It is not because of your exercise or doing too much. MW also told me that the best way to get over it is to look at pregnancy like a process, which may work or may not. That way, it is much easier to keep trying.
I was so good this time - no booze, coffee, tough exercise, sex (!), bad food etc. But I still had early embryonic death at 8 weeks, most probably for chromosomal reasons which can't be helped.
I found Lesley Regan's book really helpful, I would recommend it.
Also, I made the point of not telling any family, especially not in-laws. I think it's nobody's business but my own, and when one day I have a good scan and am about 16 weeks along, I will tell them. I couldn't bear to be compared to the 99% of people who don't have recurrent mcs. After all, it is not my bloody fault.
Good luck and stay positive.

Dear all,

Feel so much for you all. Like you say, we are brave but have not choice in the matter. I was preg and went for 12 wk scan to find baby had died at 8.5 wks. I had a scan at 7.5 wks (as bled a bit around 5 weeks) so we had seen it alive and so it hurt a lot to see the baby with no heartbeat. That scan image haunts me daily. I decided to have a d&c baby had not come away in 4 wks. I am 4 wks on from d&c and I am bleeding so heavily with chronic period pain every day. I had no period pain for the first 2 weeks and the bleeding subsided for a few days at the end of those 2 wks but then it started again with avengence. Is it my period? How would I know?? We were so gutted to lose the baby as we had no idea and I felt so ill all way to 12 wks. Anyway, I have booked docs for monday as don't think losing all this blood and stuff is normal. Can anyone advise as we just want to crack on ttc again but there is no chance of that with niagra falls every day! xxx

I'm so sorry to read about your stories: I found out at the end of May that I'd had a missed miscarriage (I was 17 weeks into pregnancy but it seems the baby died within days of my 13 week scan) and this has brought back a lot of memories.

You're all very brave ladies.

Thanks for the warning about the film, been trying to avoid all that sort of thing as find pregnant ladies etc hard to be around, I think seeing a miscarriage like that would be horrible.

In a way I just want to have the op so that I can move on and get to a stage where we can consider TTC again. I am going to try and avoid getting the calendar involved for the next few months.

Jules - how was the scan? Hope all went well and been thinking of you.

Love to all

Hi Jules

So... I'm sure it's been a rough day for you. I hope it's gone okay and that it marks the end of the horrible stuff and the start of really getting over it.

I'm doing really well, we're doing well at our decision to ease off and stop obsessing about TTC and just accepting that it will happen when it's meant to. I feel really good, happy. And I feel that when I do get pregnant again I won't be neurotic - of course I will be scared about miscarrying, but I think having a bit more time between pregnancies is probably a good thing for my mental state - even though all I want is to be pregnant.

Did have a big downer on Weds night as we went to see The Time Traveler's Wife - one of the most beautiful books ever, and the adaptation is actually excellent. However, we forgot about the miscarriage in the story... oh my gosh, I felt like a knife had been stuck in my heart and I wanted to leave the cinema. Plenty of pregnant ladies and babies on TV, in movies on the streets, etc. but this is the first time I've seen a miscarriage in a film and it hit hard. Horrible. So don't see that movie! (One day, but not yet!)

PolarBear sorry to hear you have to go have the op on Monday, that's a bit of a set-back. I hope it goes well, and hope you are doing okay.

Zayja good luck with TTC. I agree with you - is there any such thing as normal?!

lots of love to all of you xx

no I meant tomorrow morning for the bloods, sorry! I'm in the Epsom area so maybe we haven't got the pills here, will have to enquire next time I see the EPU, out of interest.

Hope to hear tomorrow that all went well.

bloods? NOW?? its nearly 11pm???

They gave me 3 options when they discovered my MMC, Either go home and let it happen-
take medicine - one pill to reduce hormone then go back 1 day later to take 2 pills that they call the missy pill- this is the pill they give to womeon who want an abortion- it helps with the MC.
Or 3rd was the op. ( which I did not want)

But they only started using this in 1991. They say it works in 2 ways- - if ur bleeding 2 much - it slows it down, and if not bleeding- it helps womb contract to make you bleed and MC.

Weird thing is that when is started bleeding and they they gave me a pill to reduce the hormone- thats when i bled most and MC - this was before the 2 other pills ( ps you can take them orally- side effects are being sick and getting the runs or u can take them up ur you know what and you dont get as many side effects).

So before they gave me the 2 pills on friday my bleeding had gone loads less and not much came out. They say that you can take them again if they dont work, or take the op .

What part of country are you from -- as it may be something only some hospitals use?

No doubt ill catch up with you tommorrow but good luck monday.

Ill keep my fingers and toes and anything else i can find to cross in a hope things go ok tomorrow. !

night and lots of love.

Please don't worry - fingers crossed that all will go well.

They have never mentioned pills as an option to me, it always seems to have been the EPRC or natural method really.

You can be brave and don't worry if you need to cry its only natural.

Let me know how it goes tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you, I'm off to hospital to have blood taken.

x

Oh polar bear im shitting it now!!

My bleeding is gone- - but do they not give you those pills again?? ?I dont wanna be put to sleep!! i have never been under!!

ive already had my cry today but now i wanna cry again. are you ok love???I know the memories are gunner come flooding back! They come back so suddenly sometimes.

Ill try my best to be brave, I will have to be.
I think all the girls on this are so so brave. some have been through this many more times and have got guts!

Temm09 and and TA craxy i hope you are well too!

Ill be back......tomorrow!

Lots of love and hugs girls.

The scan was a bit pants - have a look at the EPRC thread. They discovered that although I have stopped bleeding my womb lining is too thick so back to hospital on Monday for the op I should have had 3 weeks ago.

I hope that your scan is ok. I'll be thinking of you. Be brave as it is will be hard and memories will come flooding.

x

Hi Zayja

Thanks for your message. I have my scan tomorrow. Don't know what to expect really. Uncontrollable is one way I could describe it. But empty, lost, angry, pissed off at life and sooo soo inadequate are the other words i feel. Cant even look after my lil baby. I was due for m 12 week scan ..yesterday but seems it all got too much for the little one inside me.

I guess it must have been wrong for it to carry on ( or at least im trying to believe that and find comfort in that it didn't happen at a later stage.

I dont know how I would have coped if I had seen a healthy baby then see it the way i did.

Was it your first..if so how come they gave you a scan at 8 weeks???

I feel normal inside and my bleeding stopped after a few says of me miscarrying.but mentally its taken its toll, as ive said in my other messages - one min im ok next im in floods. !!

Tomorrow will be the end of it all really when they say its clear or not.

I must say when i left the hospital last week- - after the pills- i felt weird leaving the unit.

I guess its closure tomorrow. I want my period to come back soon!!! I want to be pregnant again but I dont think I will enjoy it one bit in the fear of it all happening again. Some women have been saying just coz its happened once dont mean it will happen again. But how can anyone relax knowing it could happen again and the fact that no ones going to check everything is ok with you till it happens 3 times round! what bolloks is that???

IN terms of letting ple down- i was the youngest of 3 on my side and the other 2 siblings have 5 kids between them, on my hubby side- there's one but they have never really been involved with it, so to me it was giving them the chance to really be a grand parent.

its happened to my sister in law 2 x but she has 3 healthy children. i still remember the first time it happened and my mum saying something along the lines of losing hope.
BUt try not to worry about inlaws and folks- - -You are no 1 and always remember that- - -i diddnt , but now I will look after myself this time round. I blame myself sometimes but i know what will be will be and there was nothing I could do about it.

Ladies be strong. they say patience is a virtue- but im running out !!!

Temm09 how are you doing this week.

I have found so much support on this website!

Polar bear- how did your scan go>

I have mine tomorrow- Im shitttting it!

I guess ill be back tom!

sleep well peeps
Love
Jules

Hi Jules,
I had a MMC at 12w after a healthy scan at 8w and it's the worst uncontrolable feeling I've ever had. Huge disappointment, grief and even embarrasment. I too felt I had let my parents and inlaws down (first grandbaby) - and still do a bit.

I'm starting to feel more normal, but it goes in phases. I just want to start TTC again, but it looks like I haven't ovulated yet and I'm in my 4th post mc cycle.

Anyway, I think it's great that you're having a scan on Friday so that you can be sure everything is normal inside. The sooner your body gets back to normal, the sooner you can feel emotionally normal. Is there really such a thing as normal?

Good luck, hugs, and take care!

When does anyone feel normal!.

Aw Jules, I totally hear you! Gosh, I'm still trying to find the fast forward button! And I also remember thinking when going for my scans 'ooh maybe it was all just a big mistake'! And even when I had my AF last week I was thinking 'ooh maybe it's implantation bleeding... or spotting... or just a little bit of blood...' never mind that it was so bloody obviously my period (excuse the pun). I am also scared about the future and getting pregnant, and then reaching the 10 week mark when I MCed, then keeping the pregnancy... I'm trying to readjust my attitude so that I don't become ultra neurotic. With each set-back there's the potential to become more desperate and to try and force things to go the way I want to or there's the potential to learn the lesson that it's out of my hands and that I need to shift my focus to other life stuff and stop obsessing about TTC, charting, temping, if I get pregnant this month when the baby will be due, etc. Hard not to think about it all the time, but I am driving myself mad!

I know that all the advice people tell you is stuff you already know - give it time, it's not your fault, blah blah blah... but it is all true and hopefully hearing the positive messages over and over again will somehow reinforce them and help you move on, and help time speed up.

Good luck getting through the next few days til your scan on Friday.

xx

Im so confuesed, everyones stories are different.

After a rocky start with the Dr and Midwife when I first found out, i was so shocked at the sympathy care of the staff on the ward at the EPU.

Does it takes ages to conceive after having a first miscarraige and first pregnancy>

How long will bleeding last and when can i expect a period- - i know this varies but im so confused. I had my Misssed misscariage at almost 11 weekns and was due my scan this weds 19th. The baby measured 8wk3days.

It seems so unreal still. I cant bel it, it seems like a dream as this is happening.
Im worried about my next scan to check if " the "product" has cleared. When you stop bleeding does it mean it has or that its just paused. on wednesday they gave me a pill to bring down my hormones, after this i started to miscarry and they still on friday gone gave me the other pills you take 4 hours appart so i dont know if my body has natrually miscarried or that it was the pills. Either way can things still get left behing inside???

Im so worried about whats to come. when will i be back to normal ???

hi girls.
A big thanks for all your advice on this stuff.

temm09, it was not too much info, in fact it was helpfull. I seem to have stopped bleeding but not sure if it will start again. I have a scan on friday which I am dreading as they cant do a normal scan as i have a bloody retroverted uterous and I am actually scared of what they will see there. In away - - i keep hoping - like a miracle that the baby is still there, its fine and lviving, and that THEY made a mistake- - But i know thats a stupid way to think. They told me to try again after a few months but im scared im never goig to get pregnant or its going to take ages, not only that, im scared that I will have to go thrugh this again like you all have.

I know its going to take time, i just want time to fast forward.

lots of love and hugs everyone.
X

Jules80, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through and I'm sorry I missed your post (didn't realise this topic had entered a second page).

You can't blame yourself or anyone one else for what has happened - you can never know what caused your baby to die and it most probably doesn't have anything to do with how much rest you had. (I think all the advice about resting and eating and not lifting heavy things, etc. is really for YOU and YOUR comfort - seems that if all is well with the little one, it will thrive no matter what). It is very distressing that most of us were just carrying on, getting used to the idea of being pregnant and quite enjoying it, and then finding out that actually we'd been all blissful when things were not at all well. It is a horrible shock, and very disturbing. Just shows you though, it's completely out of our hands - if we can't even know when things aren't going well, how can we do anything about it?

I really hope you can find some comfort somehow, and support for what you are going through physically as well as mentally. It's a gruelling process. It doesn't help that you don't really get much support from medical professionals - I hold very little faith in the NHS and was also appauled at the lack of advice when I went to see the doctor after getting my BFP - they just abandon you to get on with it and assume all will be fine. Turns out it's pretty common that things are not actually fine and 1 out of 5 us lose our babies.

I hope that the pills work and do their thing and that the bleeding stops soon. It took ages for my next period to come and I had a lot of spotting and bleeding in between - turned out there were still 'retained products' (AWFUL words) which caused intermittent bleeding so in 7 weeks I only had about a week of absolutely no sign of blood. Sorry if this is TMI but I'm hoping that it is in some way helpful - I got a lot more information, advice and reassurance about what I was going through on these pages than from the NHS.

Wishing you lots of strength Jules, be kind to yourself and know that it is going to take time to get over what has happened. And keep coming back here... we're all here for you.

lots of love xx

Hi, so sorry to hear all the sadness. I've had four mcs, (but also some successful pregnancies) but it's been a while. I think the worst case scenario is to have a d&c -- how I wish hospital staff could be a little bit kinder, forget all the scans and the bells and whistles, just kinder. A little kindness makes a huge difference and sets you up for the next time you try, helps speed your emotional recovery. The lack of it, I'm convinced, actually gives some women a case of PTSD. And that goes for friends and family too.

Jules80 please don't think that you are letting anyone down. It is nothing that you have done. I felt that way at first and kept asking what I had done and telling my dh I was sorry.

I cannot bear to look at my scan picture and still feel quite haunted by the image of my baby at the scan. I go back for a scan on Wed to check all is clear.

I have just about finished bleeding now so that has taken just over 2 weeks.

I've got to be brave tomorrow and meet up with my friend. I range from anger to bitterness to sadness about it all.

I hope that all goes well with you and good luck with your scan and hope the people give you some better advice this time.

Take care of yourself

Thanks PolarBear and TAcrazy.

faith and hope....i feel far from that at the moment, i know it will get better, its just that at the moment i cant see beyond " i should be pregnant now""!

Everyones telling me that its normal to feel all this as its a berevement. I feel so guilty as well, i feel like ive let my mum and my hubbys parents down.

Ive read so many people stories about it happening a few times- 2, 3 and 4 and even more times. I dont know how I would cope if this happened again.

I want to try again when I am better- but how long am i supposed to wait till we try again. it took 4-5 months for me to get pregnant and im scared it will take just as long or longer this time.

Further more i got told i had a retroverted uterus- but they said this is not the cause of my miscarraige. Im not sure how many other women have this and how it will affect further pregnancy's.

Also they told me that I had a retroverted uterus. But they said this was not the cause of the MC. Then i spoke to a family friend who said she had a tilted uterous, and that is what caused her 4 MC then she had it surgery to correct it.

I have to go back for a scan on This friday to see if its all clear. Im so scared of seeing an black empty space- the space where my baby once was.

I dont know how to expect to feel or anything.

Polarbear you seem so strong, and giving others courage. It must have been horrible that one min you thing everything is ok and later to be told its not. I did not feel anything at all at the supposed time when my baby stopped growing. I did not feel sick right from the start and tohught that was normal.

How will I ever know next time that what is normal.

What annoys me is that the Dr or Midwife gave hardly any advice even tho it was my first pregnancy.

I had to aak evrything. IN fact the Dr I saw instead of my Dr said " oh your mum should be able to give you good advice" .

I now feel angry and angry that no one told me to slow down .

I feel sad that i may have done this to my baby.

I had an ok day today but feel so sad now

I cant stand the fact that in march i wont be holding my baby as i should have been.

All these feelings. where to put them! I look at my scan pic and say everyday why could you not survive - this is an answer we will never have. I have placed my lil angel with a pic of my dad who as passed away and try to seek comfort that he is now looking afer my baby somewhere.

Do you guys still feel ike that?..that the world has come crashing down. How do some women get on with it.

PolarBear, hopefully you will be able to face your friend and her baby. Also when did you miscarry and how long have you been bleeding?? i have been bleeding since Monday night , i think i lost the baby either weds or thursday, and im still bleedign. How long can i expect to bleed? i still feel pain now and again. I took the Pills they give you.

Thanks again guys sorry for the rant.

Thanks for the messages and I am so sorry PolarBear and Jules for your experiences too. I really wish no-one had to go through this as it is so horrible.

I think we have to hope/have faith that the emotional pain and feeling of loss will get better in time. It definitely doesn't feel like it will at the moment but I am sure it will get better - it has to!

Much love to you all and I have my fingers crossed for everyone

xx

Hi Jules80

I have had 2 scans where I have been told that the baby had died. The first one I had started to bleed so I was expecting it and the baby hadn't formed properly so wasn't mentally too bad.

The second time I had had a scan at 9 weeks and a heartbeat was seen and all was good. Then I went back at 13 weeks to be told that the baby had died at 9 weeks and 3 days. So I had been blissfully unaware that what I thought was going ok was not. I still don't understand how I could have felt so pregnant whilst my baby had died. I looked at the scan and that image does still haunt me sometimes. I haven't had the courage to locate the picture I have from the 9 week scan.

I hope that all goes ok with the pills and I'm so sorry that you have to go through this.

I'm hoping it does get better. I have nearly stopped bleeding and am trying to stop feeling angry and bitter. But I am finding it hard to go back to my life before as one of my friends is PG and I don't want to face her currently

Thinking of you

Hi Laura and BayeauxT, so sorry to hear of your losses. I can't imagine the disappointment of being told there's no baby. I suppose I was lucky (!) that my body started the MC process naturally and I realised what was happening. Poor you.

It is such an awful thing, and you just feel like you want time to hurry up so you can get pregnant and past the stage you were at when you MCed. We are back to TTC unsuccessfully and it's so friggin frustrating! We got pregnant on the third try, but first and second try I kind of thought we were too late. So I don't know what went wrong this time. It does feel unfair - I just totally expected that I would get pregnant straight away and didn't actually believe that I would have an MC - not ME! But there we go hey. My MC was at the end of May and I'm still riding the rollercoaster. I was doing pretty well, getting on with all other 'life' stuff, but so sad this time didn't work and I'm still not pregnant Well got to try soldier on and not count the days and weeks! (Sorry about the rant!)

I hope that you are both not in any pain and are getting good medical advice on what's next. There's so much advice and support on these pages, so I hope you can find the comfort and help you need.

lots of love xx

Hi girls.
Im new to this. Im trying to take comfort but nothing is working. This was my first baby. We had not told anyone yet apart from immediate family. I miscarried yesterday or today. Not sure. I was due for my 12 week dating scan on 19th August.
I found brown very slight spotting on Monday night which scared the SH** out of me.
Rang NHS Direct and they rang back at 6am and told me to see my Gp. I rang my GP and he tried to get me into the EPU. I could not see them till Weds, and was told to go home and if it got worse to go to A and E. It did get a bit worse. so went to A and E who sent me to the Maternity Unit. I was still hopefull at this stage as id read it was "normal" for this to happen. They had a little look inside and they told me that the bleeding had stopped and that there was no active bleeding. At this stage I was still in no real pain so still remained hope full and returned the next day for my scan.
I was so scared.
They tried to do a scan the normal way and all they saw was a black space. I was very distressed at this point, they told me not to worry as it was that I had a introverted uterus!!!! They explained what it was which still scared me and that they would need to do an internal scan!This was horrible.

The room was then silent and i was sobbing, y hubby then smiled and said its ok as he saw the baby on screen,,,but the nurse did not say anything......and said sorry your miscarrying. I could not believe my ears. They said that its what they call a missed miscarriage and that it happened 2 weeks ago!

How did i not know?? how on earth did I not know that my baby had died,

They told me it measured only 8 weeks and a few days. they asked me if I wanted to look at it, at first i was scared, but then i knew I needed to look at my angel.

I wailed like a small child who had dummy taken out I could not help it.All i kept saying was i want my baby i want it back and why?
The why is what i don't understand>??? People keep telling me that it was as the baby was not right. But it feel it was my fault as I didn't rest up at all, I was all over the place and feel i over did it.

Im so scared it will happen again.

ive read some stories and i think you ladies have so much courage. I feel like a wimp for feeling like this.

I have to go back tomorrow to have 2 pills to get rid of " the product" ( that's what they called it! - how dare they call my baby "Product". )

But i think that its passed through in clots and i was so scared that what was going to come out. I feel like my baby has been flushed down the toilet. this makes me sad.

Ive been talking to people today, but ive been up and down. One min im ok and the next im crying for ages.

All the people around me have babies or are pregnant and I feel so not right thinking and feeing envious. how will i every get over the loss of my baby?
The nurses words keep going round in my head and come back and haunt me. I dont even know when to go back to work and for some reason was putting some blame on my husband for not telling me to slow down or say that we were not going to do the runs that we were - for the last 4 weekends we had been travelling up and down the country. I did tell him lets not go but he said were not supposed to stop doing this we do normally. maybe I should have listened to my body when it was tired. I feel it was all my fault. I feel so guilty

is this what you have all been through?

Hi Laura
I had the same thing (exactly a week ago in fact...) - went for 12 week scan and nothing there but a fetal pole and sac measuring 9w6d... I have a DD already and I feel so lucky that it was so straightforward with her. Feel sad I can't promise her a little brother or sister yet. My sister had the same thing happen with her first pregnancy - but I take comfort from the fact that she fell pregnant right away and now has a beautiful little girl. It doesn't make TTC any less terrifying though does it - I just cannot imagine going through that again.

I also found out I had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks. I had had a bit of red bleeding but mostly brown bleeding since a few days before my missed period but it is so confusing as I know lots of people have this and they are fine.

I had a scan at the EPAU last week and there was nothing there - no feotus - they measured the sac as being 7+3. I am so desparately sad about it. This was my first pregnancy and we had been ttc for over a year. I am of course hopeful that I will get pregnant again but I will be so terrified of the same thing happening.

I feel for everyone here as it is so upsetting when the worst case scenario happens and is so unfair when it is something you really want.

Much love to you all.

Laura

Hi Zayja

Sorry to hear about your MC. I'm glad that you found comfort on these pages, and that you were able to share your story. How sad that you had already had one good scan. I hope that the next TTC goes well. We are trying too, but I have AF again, so obviously last month was no good - so the rollercoaster continues! Roll on next ovulation day! I'm thinking of forking out for the ClearBlue fertility monitor - even though we got pregnant quite quickly and easily before, I want to maximise all our chances... getting a bit desperate!

Hopefully you'll get that BFP soon!

xx

Hi All,
Just wanted to pop in to say hi and share my experience, as it is so similar to yours. When I had a mmc in late April I found this thread and it really comforted me to read your stories. I didn't feel like writing at the time, but now that I'm ttc again I'm back and I hope you all don't mind if I join.
My DH and I are ttc our first and had a mmc the first go-round. We went in for our 12w checkup and found the baby had no heartbeat. It was devastating b/c we had already seen the baby and heartbeat at 7w and the doctor told us at this point there's a 95% chance of sucessfully carrying the baby full term. Armed with this good statistical news, we decided to tell friends and family. It shouldn't have felt embarrasing to tell everybody we miscarried, but it did. Most family and friends were good about it, but some were downright awful! One person said that it obviously meant I was "pushing it" by trying to do too much - work full time, go to school and so on. I wanted to ask which he suggested I drop. Should I quit my job? Will you support me then!? (Sorry, I digress)
I opted for medical management because it looked like the baby had stopped growing 2wks prior and there were no signs my body was going to recognize it. Also, I just wanted to get it over with physically and emotionally while I had time off work. I'm fairly happy with that choice except my cycle has been off a bit since with lots of spotting etc. since, so I sometimes wonder if my body completely got rid of everything.
Anyway, ttc again but not even sure if I've ovulated yet - darn OPK's are so hard to read!
Thanks for sharing your stories and letting me share too.

Zayja

Hi Coxy

Ooh fingers crossed for you! I can't wait to start ttc again and swap this crappy rollercoaster for a new one! I'm seeing the gynae again on Monday and just hoping I'll be given the all clear. I guess at least if I'm not, I know something can be done very easily for fyrboids/polyps so it's not a disaster... just more waiting!

I think your new attitude to work sounds about right after everything that's happened! Definitely time to put yourself first!

Will let you know how it goes at the gynae.

Fingers crossed for you...

xx

Hi Temm,

Sorry I missed your post (again!) are you feeling any better now? Its amazing the things that can set you off again! Its also so frustrating that the whole process takes so long to sort itself out. I read on your other post about your visit to the private gynae (not sure of spelling!) Very positive that your ovaries are not polysistic though very frustrating that you are still retaining, hopefully your scan will be the end of it!
Please let me know as I will be thinking about you.

Take that was brilliant and it did make things better for a bit but I'm afraid I'm one of those people that don't forget! The hunt for a new job hasn't started yet as I need to wait until next week to see if AF arrives as we 'did the deed' around about the time I would have been ovulating (didn't know that till afterwards and I checked my dates) so I might be pg and so the rollercoaster can start again.

I just need to sort work out because I am super stressed and everything is deadlines, deadlines, deadlines and before when I was pg I thought it would be frowned upon if I made a big deal about stress, but this time I don't give a sh*t about work.

big hugs

coxy xx

Hi Coxy

Thanks for your msg - I too have been avoiding MN, but feeling a bit tearful today and here I am again! A guy in my office just showed me their baby scan, 9.5 weeks which is more or less when I had my MC. Fighting back the tears now Funny how you think you're doing so well then it all comes back again.

Great to hear your AF is back - horrible things AFs, but at least your body is returning to normal. My bleeding started again and is still going on, but doesn't seem to be a period. I got a referral to see a private gynae which was very reassuring but seems this is all normal and we just have to wait for the body to do it's thing. Trying so very hard to be patient but gosh it's hard!

Hope you enjoyed Take That and maybe just maybe you all had so much fun together it will make things better for a bit. Hope the hunt for a new job is going well though.

Good luck for the rollercoaster ride, but with your AF arriving maybe you can hop off the rollercoaster now?!

xx

Ha ha Will do right after i've chucked mine at mark owen!

Hi Coxy,

I'm just popping in to say hi, and thanks for all of your e-support last week.

I am glad that you are at a point of looking toward the future now, thankfully I am beginning to feel more normal again, and hoping to get back to ttc asap.

I am just waiting to hear if I can have a scan to check that I am all clear as it's now 2 weeks since I started to m/c/ naturally.

Have a great time om Friday, and please throw a pair of knickers at Jason Orange for me!

So sorry I didn't see your post sooner, been trying to not use mn so much. Are you feeling any brighter after a week of going back to 'normal'?

Your quite right the people at work (I can't even be bothered to call them friends anymore!) do remind me of what I went through and they go on an on about their own lives and problems and I just want to shout "I don't care, did you care about me when I needed you NO" but I don't (does feeling like this make me a bad person?)

I'm due to go to see Take That on friday (sad I know!) with these very same people, it was booked months and months ago. Really looking forward to it but not looking forward to being with them, I can't believe how different I feel towards them

My AF returned on sunday which was a good because it meant its all really over but it was also sad as it just bought all the feelings flooding back!

Bloody rollercoasters, I used to like them when I was a kid!

Really hope your starting to go up again, sorry for babbling on about myself!
x

Nic you are so right, cyber friends are as important and so helpful, especially in this world where there never seems to be enough time.

Coxy I think that's a great idea to look for a new job... a fresh start, and you can get away from those disappointing friends who will probably always remind you of the hard time you have been through. Good luck finding a job with no stress and no bitchiness!!!

I am feeling a bit low today - mostly because my brother and his girlfriend have gone back home. They arrived the day I miscarried, so now it's kind of back to normal, except I'm not pregnant. So it's a bit hard not to feel sorry for myself. The rollercoaster continues... hope it goes back up soon!

Dear nic,

Thanks for your message, your definitely right about cyber friends you have all been a godsend

I am starting to look to the future again now and glad you are too

Thanks again coxy x

Dear Coxy
i think cyber frineds are as vital as 'real?' freinds, my best friend and i both got pregnant at the same time and even though we live on the same street we would email our pregnancy journey most evry night, when we both lost our babies at the same time, it was the most awful coincidence,wwe had to say goodbye to our dreams. Your message was exactly how it happened for me, started bleeding the night before the 12 week scan and i went home to deliver the 8 week baby..it was a shcking experience, i didnt realise just what was involved but ultimaltly i follwed the natures path, my mate chose the D&C and we both have the same grief, so whatever and however it is a loss and it is so imporatant to share that loss and if it through a forum and cyber friends then please dont underestimate its power because peoples love and thoughts can definatly travel through cyber space, with that in mind , i wish you many more dreams and a happy healthy future, you deserve it and many thanks for sharing your story which has helped me with my loss too. There does come a time, however long it takes after the tears and the shock and the spaced out feelings where you begin to breathe again and think about new , fresh dreams, mine has just started, hope yours has too, lots of love x nic

Hi Temm, its so sweet of you to check up on me thankyou

I'm doing ok not dwelling too much but its funny how it hits you when you think your alright. I have had huge amount of support from people at work that I would never have expected it from which is great but the people that I did call my friends are still unsupportive infact I heard on the grapevine that someone I thought I was close to told people I was milking it when I had been signed off by the doctor!!!!

I've come to the conclusion that these people aren't worth worrying about and to move on with my life. I have put things into perspective now and have decided to look for another job, haven't been happy here for a long time the reason I stayed so long (4 years) was because I thought I had good friends, and also the fact that pretty much the entire company knows what happened to me which I can only imagine has come from my so called friend again! I would definitely like to start ttc again but I think I will wait a while and put my energies into other things and wait until I'm in a completely happy place that way if I'm totally content I'm hoping third time lucky. I'm looking for a job with no stress and no bitchiness (do you think such a job exists?)

I'm really pleased your doing ok.

Its right 'time is a healer'

Coxy xxx

Hi Coxy been wondering how you are doing and how it's going back at work. I'm doing well - focusing on work and not dwelling too much on what happened. I really hope your work friends are being a bit more friendly now!
xx

Hi Coxy, welcome back to work! I hope day 2 was slightly better than day 1, and perhaps some of your 'friends' managed to find the right words to say today. I'm sure it's more a case of not knowing what to say rather than not actually being aware of what you have been through - although really, how hard is it to just be nice?! I really hope someone reaches out to you and shows some sympathy.

I'm feeling back to normal - quite amazing how my body has gone back to normal - DP and I are realising just how 'altered' I was in my short pregnancy. My boobs are back down and no longer sore, appetite has gone right down, I'm not so tired and I'm not feeling too sad anymore... it's almost like it never happened and I imagined the whole thing. Oh, except I've got the last bits of bleeding and spotting as a friendly reminder I have to wait for another scan post my AF to see whether I have fybroids, which may or may not be a problem (but can be removed). I really would love to just start TTC straight away - especially since I feel back to 'normal' and strong. But seems that's not to be just yet.

CAT is a way to email a mumsnetter directly, but maybe it's CAM? or something else... just when I thought I was mastering the acronyms!!!

xx

Hi temm, thanks for your message I don't know what I would have done had I not found this site!! Thankyou for being so kind I can't believe the emotional rollercoaster I'm on at the mo! It was my first day back at work today after nearly 3weeks in all and in that time not one person contacted me and I thought I had some good friends there no one asked me how I am, I'm sure they are trying to be nice and not upset me but it just comes across as if they don't care I hate being so super sensitive!!! Seems like I'm just moaning to you all the time! How are you hope your having more up days then down. Oh by the way I would cat you if I knew what it meant . Xxx

Hi Coxy
Thank you for posting on my thread - I have replied to you there, but thought I ought to reply on your thread too. I'm sorry that you have been feeling low again. Your last message sounded upbeat and positive, and I suppose we are quick to think 'ah good she's feeling better' when in actual fact we all still need lots of kind words and virtual hugs and all those things. So if you feel a bit lost and abandoned again, post straight away or even CAT me. We need to stick together!
Take care xx

Hi ladies just a quick note to thank you all very much for your stories and support it really has helped!! It's amazing how similar they are in lots of ways.
Temm don't worry about hijacking I'm so pleased I inspired you to share don't worry you will stop crying and am sure next years birthdays will be the ones for us!!

Pinky and happybump hope things work out with your current pregnancies, Joolsiam hope your 4th is lucky and that none of you have to go thru this again!

Xxxx

Hi Coxy

I'm sorry to hijack your thread... reading it has bought me to tears (again) and I need to share too. I had a miscarriage on Wednesday (I was 10 weeks) and Thursday was my birthday - what is it with birthdays and MCs?! I started very light spotting the previous Thursday, but DP and I read enough to assure ourselves it was normal. It got a little heavier on Tuesday so I went to the GP who pressed on my tummy and neither he nor I were too worried but he booked me in for an early scan on Thursday as my first scan was only going to be at 13 weeks. I was optimistic about a good birthday present. But on Weds afternoon, whilst waiting at Heathrow for my brother and his girlfriend to arrive from South Africa (here to visit for my birthday) the mild cramps started. By 5pm I was in agony and I knew it was all over and we all went off to A&E where the bleeding really started. The MMC was confirmed after two internal examinations in A&E (one involving forceps to remove the 'product' - it was so sore and bought on the tears). I spent the night in hospital on my own. I was woken up at 6am to have my blood pressure taken and when I asked was told I could have no visitors until 3pm, not even DP unless I really needed something. What I really needed was sympathy and attention and love (and maybe a 'happy birthday'). After nearly 4 hours of lying in bed in tears, with no TV or books or anything to take my mind off the bleakness of the sitation I was transferred to the gynae ward and taken for a scan. The staff there were kind but didn't seem to realise I already knew (and had seen and felt) that everything had come out of me so we had to go through the whole 'I'm so sorry but...' routine again. However, once I knew I didn't have to have a D&C I felt loads better as I knew I could go home. I hadn't been able to eat or drink a drop, so a cup of water and a marmalade sandwich lifted me too. I was wondering where my partner was and since my mobile had died in the early hours of the morning the kind head nurse allowed me to use her phone in her office. My partner had been told a few hours earlier on the phone that I was being transferred and not to come to hospital until 3pm. She obviously thought the worst and was distraught.

The whole experience was awful, ghastly and I felt so good to be home. The pains have eased up - now like bad period pain rather than the deabilitating pains I had on Weds. I'm still bleeding a bit and was told that could last 1-2 weeks. I was feeling emotionally strong and positive and absolutely certain that I'll be pregnant again in no time and will go on to have a healthy pregnancy. But today the emotions have hit me and I can't stop crying. It's strange - I had been surprised that I didn't FEEL pregnant, but I guess that's nature's way because after the MC I didn't feel a sense of loss, unlike my partner. But today I am feeling sad that I'm not pregnant anymore and my boobs aren't sore and I'm not hungry. And I'm sad we've got to go through the whole lot again. And even though I know so many women go through this, I can't help but wonder whether there is something wrong with me and I will never be able to carry to term. I know I just need to get through this awful part and we can try again as soon as I'm ready, and I know it's important to stay positive so I just hope I can stop crying soon and pick myself up and carry on.

It is good to share stories and encouraging to know we're not alone. Pinky, that is amazing that you have gone through this 23 times. I truly hope that you have success this time around.

We had told quite a few people and I am glad we did and have the support of those people. At least we had the chance to share the happy news, which was exciting. I guess next time it will be less happy and more nervous, I'm sure people won't know what to say. We aren't telling those who didn't know so that next time we'll get the chance to do the whole happy surprise thing.

Coxy, thanks for your story and again, sorry for hijacking. Reading your story has helped me to share and I suppose that is all part of getting over it. Happy birthday for Saturday - I'm sorry it was a bleak one but hey, there's always next year for us Geminis, and hopefully we'll be with child for the next one!

xx

Hi Coxy - our stories are similar - I had some brown spotting at around the same time and then MC'ed very suddenly with scary blood loss around 2 hours before my 12 week scan in November. There were a few people to untell, and I had to tell my MIL that I was PG and MC'ing all in the same sentence as I needed a lift to A&E It was my birthday 2 days later aswell.

I just wanted to say that it does get better. My cycle returned to normal by late January. It probably took until then for my hormones to even out - be warned that the PMT associated with the first AF post MC was absolutely hideous. It does all pass though, and although it is still very painful looking back, I have now (just) passed my EDD that I was dreading and think I can start to move further on now.

I did conceive again more or less the first month of trying, but suffered another early MC. I was absolutely terrified of suffering the same sort of blood loss / emotional trauma but that one was fine - like a heavy period.

Just coming up to optimum conception time, so am poised to go for 4th time lucky !!

Hi Coxy3005,

I recently (at the end of March) had a MMC discovered at the 13 week dating scan, like you we were devastated. We had already started telling people too, the hardest thing was dealing with everyone else's reactions. I went on to mc naturally and followed a fairly similar pattern to you, although I didn't end up in hospital. Weirdly I found miscarrying naturally in the end strangely comforting as at last my body was doing something right?

I found it very difficult to have anyone to confide in about the mc most people (not all) who I spoke to heard the news and just said something stupid. I did find this board wonderful and I found a strange comfort in reading about shared emotions/experiences.

On a positive note, I am pregnant again. Very early stages, around 5 weeks. So fingers crossed it works out this time.

Pinky78 - good luck, you deserve this and so much more.

Hi pinky78

Thanks for your message. I can't believe you've gone thru this 23 times how do you cope! I think your so brave but then again we don't have much choice do we! I know what you mean about the sad face I'm due go back to work in a couple of days and am dreading it!! Hasn't your doctor arranged for investigations we were told if it happens 3 times we will be investigated! Try not worry too much over next couple of weeks I'm sending you happy thoughts! Hope it works out I'll be around if you need a chat xxx

hi coxy so sorry 2 hear of ur loss but uve come 2 the right place for support sometimes its good 2 hear that ur not the only one that it happens 2 ive had 23 mcs and this forum as really hepled as most of my friends and family think ive had 6 (got bored of the sorry faces)and i think they got bored of me sayin im pregnant then mc anyway all i can say hun is dont give up im still trying currently 5wks and petrified usually lose at 8 wks so go 3 wks 2 go b4 start feeling any easier take care hun and goodluck in futurexxx

Hi everyone,

This is my first ever time doing this, I've been reading everyones stories over the last couple of weeks and have really gained some comfort and now feel about ready to share my story. I was coming up for my 12week dating scan, I reached 11 weeks and after the midwife booking in appt got really excited and we started to tell family and friend, we said that we would wait as we previously had m/c at 8 weeks 7 months previously but felt that we were now reaching the 'safe' time so started to tell people. The day before my scan I started some brownish spotting, I knew that something was wrong and was so scared it was happening again! The next morning we had the dating scan and worst fears confirmed, no heartbeat and only measured about 9 weeks 2 days. I decided to go for natural and not d&c as I had natural before and it wasn't too bad apart from the emotional side it was really just like having a really bad period. This time was totally different, pain like really bad contractions lots of clots and bright red blood. One night the bleeding was so bad I had to go to a&e as it was coming out like someone had turned a tap on and it wouldn't stop!! Was so scary. Everything turned out ok and was sent home after a few hours of observation to carry on with natural m/c. I had my follow up scan which was exactly 2 weeks after the first scan and it looks like everything has come away. To top it all off it was my birthday yesterday and none of my so called friends contacted me, I don't think I'm coping very well, my DH has been my rock but I don't have anyone to talk to about it that understands my freinds don't know what to say to me so therefore don't say anything which wouldn't normally bother me but at the moment feel a bit of an emotional reck!!

Anyway, hope my story may in someway help someone else.

Coxy x