Dear Doggus , i was really interested in your story and am glad you got some cyber friends with FAB advice, how are you now. I am in my second week after mc, bled night before the scan and baby had died at 8 weeks i think she said, my head was a bit of a shed, thats the thing you dont get to find out stuff cos your mind goes into a lost place, i couldnt remember getting appointmwent card for next scan date etc and got all mixed up the following week. I had massive headaches, wept alot, greived, bled more blood than i thought was possible, my husband just kept saying 'dont worry its not circulatory'..then when i passed lo , it was similar to yourself and i too have put lo in rose bush pot by back door, which i attend to now and then, even had thoughts about digging it back up to check it...strange but then mc is strange but also i feel mc becomes part of nature also, it really is a clever body that says 'no not this time', however it is so tragic and shocking. I have found its like jumping out a plane for the first timealone, not that i have domne it, but with none of the exhilaraion just the whire fear and the iscolation and unknown and wondering if you will live through it...i landed and im ok now but what a flippin fall...i hope you doing ok and thankyou for the inventor of the internet who got it right when it comes to things like this because mc is just not on the lips of many folk in everyday life. Love to you and hope you feeling bit better x

Hi everyone, thank you for asking. I am feeling much better physically. The GP did a quick exam and said everything seems OK.

It will take a lot longer mentally obviously but at least my body is on the mend.

Thank you all so much for your support - you are all really lovely people and I could not have got through without you.

Hey doggus. Just wondered how you got on at the GP.

I hope you're OK.

Good luck today doggus, hope all goes smoothly.

Hello all of you. alistair - I love fucknugget, thank you, will use it!

Ds is on the mend, thank God, so am getting some rest. I am looking forward to seeing the GP tomorrow, apparently they can palpate your tummy to see if it is back to normal. I passed a load more tissue last night with cramps so I MUST be near the end of it.

Hi doggus, just wanted to check in with you.

Have been thinking about you and your family today.

Am really sad for you but glad that the physical side is calming down.

I found saying "fucknugget" under my breath everytime someone said something stupid and insensitive helped.

doggus, so sorry to hear you are going thru this I had a similar experience with a mmc 2 years ago and it is one of the most horrific experiences of my life (and i have been thru a lot), MN helped me thru and when i became unexpectedly pregnant with DS3, the knicker checkers were amazing.

I am sorry that you have had negatve comments. We had someone say "oh these things just happen" she is a trainee midwife !!

Take your time and don't have any expectations of yourself. Be gentle on yourself too xx

oh doggus, what a shame, i'm so sorry. peace and love.

doggus, just waned to see how you were lovely

I'm glad things have settled down a bit pyshically.

And as lulu says, grieve as much as you need, and take as long as you need before getting back to work or normal. We're all different and need to take it at it's own pace.

sorry for your stupid friends, but sometimes people can be horrible insensitive, although I'm sure they were only tryin g to say the right thing.

Good Luck at the docs on Monday and let us know how you are doing.

Glad you have had a quieter day Doggus. Sorry that you've received some daft comments already, ignoring it is the best bet - just remember these comments are usually from people who have no idea what it's like.

Hope that you have an uneventful night now. Please continue being extra gentle with yourself, eat well, rest well. x

Thank you lulu and sputnik. northern - thank you, too, you made me cry (in a good way).

Poor dh, I am sure he is suffering too, we haven't had a proper chance to talk due to ds' illness. He went to Sainsburys today off his own bat and bought a garden fork and spade so we could dig a hole for lo.

The blood loss is definitely slowing but I still have cramps and a few clots. Off to the GP to be examined and possibly scanned on Monday so I guess I will know then if everything has gone.

Everyone in rl has been lovely like you mumsnetters. Apart from two nameless ex friends, one of whom suggested I had overdone it and the other one who told me I should just stick at one child in case it happened again. I am a strong enough person to ignore them but my God what minds people have!

Just checking in - glad to see the bleeding is lessening and that you've had good support from your nanny. This is always going to be a throughly crap time but little gestures of support like that do mean a lot don't they?

Keeping your lo with you as you suggest sounds like a lovely idea. I'm quite sure he felt no pain and you looked after him just the very best that you could. If wishing and loving could have kept him with you then you would have.

All the best - just give yourself lots and lots of time. How is your dh doing? It must be very tough on him as well.

Doggus, I have no personal experience of this and can only imagine how heartbreaking it must be. Just wanted to say I am thinking of you.
Glad you have had someone to look after DS today.

glad you are feeling a little better

do allow yourself to grieve, just coz you cried last night,doesn;t mean you can;t cry again

take care

Hi natty and gentle - thank you so much for your kind words. I am bleeding a little less and the cramps are subsiding. I had a really bad night, just cried and cried, but am feeling a bit better this morning. Our lovely lovely nanny appeared (we don't have any family to help) and whisked ds off so we had a rest this morning which really helped.

Good morning doggus, hope you had a reasonably restful night and have a simple & straightforward day ahead of you. x

oh doggus

so so sorry to hear things have been so cruel for you, one of the worst parts of MC is seeing the baby.
ive had this twice now, once in a&e, once at home, and both times it was horrendous, i was only 8 weeks or so and i can only imagine what 12 weeks must be like.

all i can offer you is my sympathy sweetheart, and reasurrance that it DOES get better in time, take as long or a little time as u need before ttc again. for me i felt the need to fill the hole straight away, for others it can take weeks or months.

the knicker checkers thread is great btw, as Daisy says, its about the only thing other then our postnatal thread that got me through this pregnancy's early months.

good luck and god bless, we are all thinking of you my love

xxxxxxx

daisy - I am off to bed now. I am going to call the Miscarriage Association tomorrow and weep at them. Brutality is a very good word for it. Before this happened I was a bit blase about m/c, I didn't think it was such a big deal, and hey, I'd get over it.

Now I know...I

f I am lucky enough to get pg again I am booking myself in on the knicker checkers thread pronto.

oh doggus

The Miscarriage Assocition have a good helpline. I spoke to them after MC#1 and the lady I spoke to was just sooo lovely. Well, I say spoke to when in fact it was more a case of wept at!

They also have some leaflets you can download about various things.

I know things are very raw at the minute, but it does get better and the brutality of it passes to a dull ache. We planted some passion flowers in the garden for our two and it's lovely to see them thriving.

When I was pregnant with DD, the knicker checker thread on here got me through it, especially in the early weeks.

Poor DS; I hope he is feeling better soon.
Your DH sounds like he is looking after you both

Take care and I hope you can get some sleep tonight.

I agree with what others say, get it checked out at A&E if you are worried. It is good to have a scan to make sure all is well afterwards anyway. So sorry to hear you are going through this.

Ds now asleep in dh's arms thank God.

I can't tell you all how lovely you have been, I am welling up as I type.

Thank you for listening - and to those who shared their own grim experiences. My biggest fear was seeing the baby, and we both did, and it was so horrible. The poor lo was defenceless and little and I felt I should help him and I couldn't. I guess we all feel like that. It has put me off getiing preg again tbh though I am sure time will help.

daisy - so sorry you had to go through that, I never realised, and you were a stalwart of our ante-natal thread, I'd have been too nervous.

mrsw - the headache is a killer, thank you for sharing, as you say must be fluid loss.

Oh doggus . Great big hugs for you right now.

When I had my first mc I passed everthing into the toilet, but couldn't bring myself to look. When DH came home he found me sobbing on the floor with my arms around the loo . He looked and hasn't ever told me what he saw but he was very white faced.

I went to A&E after that, but to be honest they weren't any help. They just did lots of obs, had me wait for a couple of ours and then sent me home telling me to call the EPAU the next morning. And I had to wait for over two hours to be seen as well. Possibly the grimmest night of my life so far so unless you are really worried about the amount of blood you have lost, i'd be inclined to stay where you are until tomorrow, A&E on a Friday night is grim enough without.

I called the EPAU next day and bleeding had settled a bit. They gave me an appointment for the following day and the scan showed an empty sac, which is what we were expecting really. When everything else started to come away that evening the bleeding really stepped up a gear and I was going through a pad every hour or so, but it had calmed down by the afternoon of the following day.

I didn't pass the grey rope like stuff you are describing, but I did pass something sounding uncannily like that after I had a medical termination many many years ago. I had no idea then, or even now, what it was.

Take care lovely

Doggus, so so sorry about your mc.

I had a similar experience (but in hospital) 9 years ago and I still remember the details - similar to what you posted.

It is very frightening and traumatic. I felt unprepared for what I saw and screamed for the nurse to come into the loo (she did); she was very sensitive and reassuring which helped.

I hope that physically it is all over soon. Obviously emotionally it takes a long time.

I'm so sorry, it is a horrible and shocking experience to go through. I had the same thing last year and it was very traumatic.

I would definitely agree with taking iron supplements - I didn't and ended up with very low iron levels (and accompanying exhaustion) for months afterwards. I also had a very bad headache for days after the miscarriage - I wonder whether it might be dehydration or something to do with the blood loss.

Sorry your DS is ill too - if at all possible, can you get your DH to do the cleaning up etc as you really need to rest. I think we can underestimate the impact of m/c, I know I did and tried to carry on as normal, which just meant it took me months to feel properly better.

Please take things as easy as you possibly can, rest, eat and drink lots. Take care of yourself and make sure your family take care of you too. I'm so sorry this has happened.

Hey Doggus, I am so sorry.

I'll be around over the weekend if you want to come and check in. Dealing with a miscarriage at home whilst looking after a toddler is a tough call. Hope someone is looking after you, too. x

Doggus I am so sorry

If there is anything I can do...

Take good care xxx

whomoved _ I actuallt got dh to buy me Spatone today, thank you. I am fully expecting to go demented (it doesn't take me much!) - but ds does provide a welcome distraction.

Must go - he's puking again.....xx

Thank you all so so much - it is comforting to know I am not the only one. I have rung A and E and measured the blood loss and it isn't too much (though it looks it!). I am going to have a scan on Monday to check everything has gone

oops - we have kept lo and are burying him in our plant by the front door so wherever we go we will take him with us.

In between writing to you and calling A and E I have been mopping up ds' sick - life goes on doesn't it?!

So sorry to hear of your loss. Do go to the hospital if you experience any signs of infection in the next few weeks (high temperature, smell, discharge, recurrence of pain after 72 hours etc).

I know it's hard right now to think ahead but once the bleeding eases, it would pay you to get some iron supplements (Spatone or similar) to try and build yourself back up again. If you have lost a lot of blood you can take months to recover without supplements.

I hope your son feels better soon as well.

Please do make time to cry though - I know you have to cope with your son as well but it's got to come out or you just go demented (well I did for a while anyway).

I'm so sorry for your loss . I miscarried at 13 weeks and needed a scan to confirm that everything had gone- it hadn't and I had an ERPC next day. If your bleeding doesn't settle you should definitely go for a scan.
It really is an awful experience

my friend had this about 2 yrs ago.
She passed her little one and then had alot of bleeding.
She ended up in hosp and had transfusions..

i don't want to worry you- but i want to say that you do need to be very careful about how much blood you lose- it really can be qute major.

Call up and ask how mush blood they think is acceptible... and if you really aren't sure then get yourself to a and e tonigh.

and my friend kept her little one and they bought a little basket and had a special burial for him at a humanist burial place.
It seemd right for them and thier family to do this- and it provided sme closure.

Hth, tho' i'm sure you are completely devastated.
Try not to think of the horror of it- your baby wouldn't have suffered I'm sure.

So sorry doggus. I had a missed mc last year, which eventually came away at 17 wks - although baby had stopped developing at 14 and a half weeks. I also saw too much.

I feel your pain, I really do. It is the most miserable, painful thing to endure. I just wanted to say that time does heal, you will never ever forget, but you will not feel so helpless with grief.

For now, just let it all out. Nobody is expecting you to just carry on and be strong. Wishing you all the best x

I was advised to go to A&E if the miscarriage got to be 'more than I could cope with' for whatever reason, be it bloodloss, pain or being emotionally unable to take any more.

So sorry to hear about your experience and hope that you get adequate support .

Hi doggus I really feel for what you are going through at the moment. My mmc was two weeks ago ago and I to passed my baby whislt at home on my own in the middle of the night. I was undergoing medical management of a mmc but things happened quickly and i wasn't in hospoital.
I do think for your own peace of mind and medical reassurance you should make contact with your local hospital even though they may only advise you to stay at home. Trust your instincts if you can. If you can speak to someone on gynae as it should reduce the risk of you being dealt with by maternity
No you wont ever forget what you have seen and I am so sorry for your loss lots of hugs

Have rung - going to measure blood loss for an hour and then report back. xx

Sorry to hear of your loss

If you fill more than 1 pad an hour or feel faint go to A&E
If necessary call an ambulance

When I mc I found NHS direct and the hosp gynae ward no help

Agree that you must contact A&E. doggus, I am so very sorry.

so sorry you're going through this

i'd deffo go to A&E.

take care

Have no advice, but poor you - it sounds very scarey to cope with at home.

hi doggus, i think absoloutely go to A and E, so sorry to hear what is happening. I think you are being very brave.

Please let us know how you get on, doggus.

lulu - will do I think. Will call them in a minute.

I think ringing somebody for advice would be a good plan. NHS direct? They can tell you what the 'normal' blood loss is. How do you feel - are you in pain, feel lightheaded or weak?

I would go to A&E if I were you. I know you don't really want to but you need a scan to make sure nothing has been retained.

So sorry.

ring a&e direct for advice?

you could ask to speak to someone in gynae?

Hi alastair - no fever, just feel dreadful with a huge headache, but I think that is from crying. It is really grim isn't it, and I haven't led a sheltered life. I feel I will never forget what I have seen.

Hi lulu - a pad every two hours or so. EPU is closed - maybe I will ring maternity hospital?

Ah you poor sweatheart.

When I miscarried at 12 weeks, I passed pretty much the same things but in hospital.
The grimmest time of my life so far.

Other than the cramps, how are you feeling? Do you have any fever or weakness?

I found NHS Direct really helpful when it happened to me.

sometimes you are advised to keep what you have passed to ensure it has been passed in whole. am so sorry, it must be so upsetting.

have you tried calling EPAU or gynae ward for advice?

if you are losing a lot of blood or in a lot of pain then you should be seen

are you soeaking through a pad quicker than every hour ?

Hi northern and sobranie - thank you for replying. I am filling a pad every two hours.

You poor thing! Not sure what to advise, but wanted to offer sympathy

You poor thing - how awful for you. How many pads are you filling with the blood and how quickly?

So sorry for your loss

I was 12 weeks pregnant, bleeding slightly for the last three weeks, which turned into a torrent of blood and then I started to miscarry yesterday.

I have to go into the details here because I need some advice. I passed the baby, I know because to our horror we both saw. I then passed a large grey lump about the size of my palm. After lots more blood and clots the bleeding settled.

However today the bleeding and cramps have hugely intensified. I passed a huge lump of grey rope earlier, and more clots. What shall I do - if anything? I phoned the GP who said there was nothing they could do and go to A and E if it got too bad.

Does anyone have a view - I am really reluctant to go to A and E as we are, to make matters worse, struggling with ds who has a vomiting virus and is being sick constantly even on water.

Any help greatly appreciated. I just feel so miserable.