I'm so sorry for you loss.

We went for our 9wk 2nd scan today 19th Oct, we had IVF and ended up with non id twins.

We seen our little ones from very early on, and although one of the sacks was a little smaller we thought maybe it will grow a little bigger as it wasn't uncommon to have a smaller sack both twins was not much different in size, we then had another scan they had heart beats and was growing fine according to gestation dates etc.

We've just come back from Nurture clinic today 19th October and one of our twins has no heartbeat, we are 9weeks today. I'm not sure how to feel, i just feel sick I feel lucky that we still have 1 twin left but i'm so anxious now! The surviving twin is very active and was so on other scans to say how small he/she is it's a wriggler!

I've been told that i may have some bleeding / spotting, when my surviving twin gets bigger my miscarried twin will be just squashed against my insides and would gradually be absorbed by my body sounds bloody awful poor little thing!

I don't think i'll ever forget this, we've been trying for over 3 yrs i'm only 32 and for this to happen now it's sickening! I do hope my little one survives because I don't think i can handle another miscarriege.

my heart goes out all of us that have miscarried our little ones.

I was very upset to learn that other women have been through what I'm experiencing at the moment. I was also pregnant of twins and one could not survive, his heart has stopped at approx. 9 weeks.
Mixed feelings are all the time popping in my head and apparently the other baby is doing well.
On my first scan (10 weeks) I was told that the baby that could not survive would be reabsorbed, unfortunately today I've had another scan and the baby is still there, it is so painful to see one moving and the other one there with no movements.
As you all mentioned people just tell you how lucky you are to still have one of the little ones there, but that's not exactly the way I feel, I can't stop thinking about it and I can't stop worrying about the surviving one being fine, will he be fine until the delivery date?
Today the moses basket arrived and I was so happy to see it but at the same time a strange thought came to my mind, I thought about my other baby, all the time I have mixed feelings about this pregnancy and I'm always concerned about something that could still go wrong.
I might look for some help as I'm so upset and even my husband thinks I must get over it and stop worrying, I thought I was fine but in fact I'm not.

Sorry, meant to explain that saying it feels odd to be getting in touch with TAMBA, what I mean is that it made me feel sad. But what they and others always say to me, and I say the same to you because it's important, is that all of us are twin mummies forever. Sorry, hope I didn't offend anyone.

Love to everyone
xxx

Hi Choklit,
I am just so terribly sorry to hear about your loss. I'm the person that kissmummy talked about (wrote about it in You magazine). Ours was a different situation to yours but the twin loss side of things sounds the same for all of us. People don't 'get it' at all - as others have said, they think we're 'lucky'. I think that can often get in the way of us dealing with what we have to face. But you have support here, and I would say, too, that TAMBA BSG (Bereavement Support Group) have been fantastic and provided me with a 'listener' who has been amazing, someone who has been through it and is happy to talk about it and be there for you. It feels odd to be getting in touch with TAMBA, but if you can do it, I'd really recommend it. There's a lovely lady there called Carol Clay who will be able to help you.
Sending you so much love and strength. If you want to talk about it, please feel free to message me.
Martha
xx

Hi, i have been through the same, my son (4th child) is nearly 4 now, but he lost his twin around the 12 week scan. I too was devastated, I had always dreamt of having twins. I had also previously had 4 miscarriages and my 3rd child, a boy-Ronnie, was stillborn at 37 weeks. The pain does get less over time, you never forget and you never properly heal. You just learn to deal with it better as time goes on. So chin up hun, look to the future, you need to consentrate on the baby you have with you now. Perhaps think a name that you would have called each twin, and then give it as a middle name to the baby that I'm sure you'll give birth to being fit and healthy.

Hi everyone,

I too am going through this - I found out last week at my first scan not only was I carrying twins, but that one had died at 9=+1. It is so difficult to reconcile the two sides of the emotions I'm experiencing - one the one hand, I went to the scan wanting to see a wriggling baby with a healthy heartbeat and I did see that, but I also saw its twin who'd stopped growing and who looked so perfect. I've been surprised at how much this has hit me, and I don't think I'll ever really get over the loss. Especially with them being identical twins I think I'll always look at my new baby and think 'there should be another one just like you here too'.

Today I'm exactly 16 weeks pregnant, and have just felt the baby move for the first time and I'm really just trying to concentrate on getting through the rest of the pregnancy. Pregnancy hormones don't help I'm sure, as I too am very up and down.

As you said Choklit, it's so sad that we have this in common, but it's reassuring to me to hear that others feel just the same.

Hi Chocklit, I know I'm replying a bit 'late in the day' but after 3 years of fertility treatment I found out at my 9 week scan, last Thursday that one of our twins had stopped growing at 7 weeks and 5 days. The other looked okay but all the consultant could say was 'fingers crossed' for the remaining twin. Following a miscarriage in 2001 and TTC for the last 3 years this pregnancy was much wanted and I have found the loss devastating. I think any pregnancy following a miscarriage is difficult, as despite trying to keep calm you just can't help worrying, that innocent faith has been taken away from you. I personally think I need to 'forget' about my on-going pregnancy for a while (a defence mechanism?)and grieve for the little lost soul. The one good statistic that I like to keep at the back of my mind is that now that I am over 9 weeks this baby has a 98% chance of not miscarrying.

Hope all is going well or you.

Nikki

I lost my dds twin at 11 weeks. In some ways it was harder than anormal miscarriage as being still pregnant noone ackowledged it and I was left to continue as normal. Dh doesnt 'count' it at all which is hard.
I found that I could carry on and get excited about the other baby (dd) as we had to fight to keep her too. I seemed to find that the grief was kept kind of seperate and that its only now I really struggle, especially on hearing peoples twins news.

Sorry I havn't put any of that very well I think mainly because its still one big bundle on confused emotion.

Hello

just started another thread but then saw this. I just found out yesterday that I was pregnant with twins but one died at 13 weeks, two weeks ago. The other one appears fine. I have a picture of both babies, just feel so awful like I did something wrong.

I hope you are ok choklit

I also lost a dt in 6th week of pg, the surviving one is my ds2, who is now 5.5, and even now at key moments such as around his birthday, I feel sad that he didn't have his twin. You are right to mourn your lost baby, you can't somehow stop people telling you how grateful you should be - I found it very difficult as the rest of that pg was very high risk and I was scanned every two weeks which totally wrecked my head. For me the up and down didn't settle for a long time, you can sort of reason with it at some times and just feel bereft at others. I find it comforting in some weird way that he has a guardian angel, that is the only way that I have learned to deal with it over the six years.
(((hugs))) to you. Don't feel that you have to behave how everyone else wants you to, just look after yourself. Take care.