how can I help my friend ?

[Sazlocks]

Would like some advice please. My friend had a miscarriage a few months ago. She is struggling to deal with it. She has one DS. Around the same time a mutual friend found out she was pregnant with her second child. The friend who had the miscarriage is now struggling with seeing her as she is starting to show, getting excited about the baby etc
I feel its important to support/ get excited with the friend who is pregnant but how do you think I can best support the friend who is struggling ? Quite often we are all together in a larger group.

[FeminineWear]

Hmm, difficult one! Just be a friend, as you are now. Be there if she needs to talk. Maybe one to one time would be better for the two of you than group settings.
It took me a good 3 or 4 months before I started to feel the cloud lift, it will get easier for her.
Bug hugs x

[CMOTDibbler]

Let her know that you understand how hard it must be for her to see the other friend, and that you know she is thinking of her baby, and how she'd be like that. If you are out with the larger group, just keep an eye on her, and if you think she is struggling, see if you can do something to give her a little break - going to get a drink together/ go to play with the kids together or whatever, just to give her a break from keeping a brave face on all the time

[pecanpie]

I think she's lucky to have a friend like you who appreciates the position she is in. I am in a similar position with friends onto their second and beyond. It's hard work - you have to be happy for them and try to get involved in the excitement, but behind closed doors it is very upsetting. The best thing you can do is to continue to be there for her.

[chubbymummy]

Wow, I could be the friend you are talking about!
I miscarried in October after almost a year of ttc dc2 and have several friends who will give birth within days of my due date.
You are in a really difficult situation and all you can do is continue to support both of your friends. The friend who is still coming to terms with her loss will need lots of hugs and a shoulder to cry on when the pregnant friend has scans, finds out the sex, picks a name, buys a pram, gives birth etc. Try to spend lots of girly evenings with her to raise her spirits and make sure that this is time away from your pregnant friend (I know it's not nice for the pregnant friend to be left out but I know from experience that when you have miscarried you sometimes don't want to be reminded that other peoples lives are working out better than yours). You also need to show interest in the pregnant friend's baby (preferably when the other friend is not around) as she may feel guilty for being so happy when your other friend is so sad.
If the pregnant friend constantly talks about her baby infront of the other friend she may not be aware of how she is feeling (lots of people don't understand the effect a miscarriage can have) and it may help if you have a quiet chat with her and ask her to tone it down a bit infront of your friend.

Sorry I'm rambling here. Good luck and if in doubt be honest with your friend and say that you want to support her but are unsure if you should talk about things of wait for her to bring it up. I'm sure she'll apreciate your honesty.

[Sazlocks]

thanks all - much appreciated.