Devastated 2 weeks on at miscarrying my unplanned but wanted baby and so confused.

[Sails]

I have 2 lovely dc and my family was complete. Then I fell unexpectantly pregnant and to my shame was absolutely devastated. However after getting over the initial shock we began to look forward to this baby make plans etc. Then 2 weeks ago I mc at 8 weeks. This has left me destraught and so confused I don't know what to do. This is my 3rd mc and it doesn't get any easier. After each mc I have had a baby but this time I don't know. My family was complete before but it doesn't feel it now and I feel I want another baby but I didn't before iyswim. Everyone says it was complete before and I have 2 lovely boys and I should put this behind me, be thankful for them and move on. I just don't know anymore I feel so confused. I think peoples sympathy is abit limited because I have 2 children already also everyone who knows me knows it wasn't planned and so don't understand how it could affect me so much not even my dh understands. So confused about all this apologise if it sound abit rambling!

[nkf]

Poor poor you. What a rollercoaster. What you are feeling is totally normal. It's very recent - just a fortnight ago. All you can do is be kind to yourself and take one day at a time.

[minxofmancunia]

my heart goes out to you, there's nothing wrong or abnormal about your feelings, you've had a huge loss. The comments you've mentioned that people have said to you are unhelpful, it doesn't matter how many children you have it doesn't take away the shock and pain of miscarriage.

Give yourself sometime to think and heal and if you still want another then go for it.

xx

[mermaidspurse]

Hi sails I have had those comments too and then felt guilty for having my ds - its the cliches of mc I guess, unhelpful and harsh. Of course your boys are lovely but you will still need to grieve for your lo, a part of your family if only for a short while. Go with the process, its heart rending I know, sending a hug your wayx.

[littlebellsmum]

Sails - in exactly the same situation, dates are also nearly the same.
My DH in particular was v un happy with the pregnancy and I wasn't too pleased initially. However by the time we lost it we were both gutted and I feel really bad as I didn't look after this little one as well as I could have done ( drank too much tea, coffee and wine).
The idea of this little one became so real, and we'd fitted it inot our family so well in our heads that I think we will try for another one.
Take care, eat lots of chocolate and make the best decision you can for you and your family

[electra]

Poor you sails

'Everyone says it was complete before' - you know it does annoy me the way other people feel qualified to make judgements about other people's lives. On the topic of people's children, more than any other ime - people are very keen to put in their tuppence worth. But it's none of their damned business!

My situation is different from yours, but I identify with some of the things you say. I'm pregnant under unusual and less conventional circumstances (also my 3rd dc). My family couldn't care less about this baby and I can't even remember all the hurtful comments I have had to put up with - some from supposed friends too and also two faced people who like to gossip about me. Recently there seem to be some complications with this baby. I feel like I'm the only one who cares about it, and I am worried it somehow has something to do with the child knowing it isn't wanted.

What I'm trying to say I suppose is ignore everyone else - how dare they try to undermine your right to grieve!

[Nontoxic]

You do have a right to grieve - and you do have a right to try again if that's what you now want.

I actually don't know how anyone can have a mc and not subsequently try again, although I know sometimes there isn't a choice.

For me, it felt as if someone was missing until I had DC
3; it's what you feel now that counts, not what everyone else thinks.

Good luck.