Please don't read this if you may be offended or upset, support and advice needed.

[fairywing]

Sorry for all the posts, i am finding this the easiest place to 'talk'. I am miscarrying now as expected, the pain is strong even with maximum dose of painkillers (cuprofen and paramol). About an hour ago i forced myself to have a shower and when i looked down there was a clot in the bottom of the shower. I bent down to wipe it away but something about the shape made me look closer. The clot was my baby. About 1cm long, dark bits each side of the head, little flipper like feet, tail and lumps that i think were arm buds. There was another smaller dark red clot attached - placenta?? I have sadi my good byes, told them how much they are loved and that i wish they had grown a little bigger before being born and wrapped it in tissue and don't know what to do with it now . I feel really numb about it. I haven't cried or anything just very matter of fact i guess which is odd. I can't tell DH as i know he would be really distressed and ould rather not know but i would like to do something myself with my little one. I have no idea what though. I just needed to talk to someone about this i guess, people that will understand and not be freaked out by it. I guess there must still be the sac to pass now, i haven't had any clots larger than the baby yet. What will happen next? How long is it likely to be before the sac passes and the pain eases?

[scorpio1]

Oh you poor sweetheart . Could you get a little box and bury it in the garden? Thats keeping your baby close then

Sorry i have no help about what comes next, just couldnt let this go unread. xxx

[pud1]

i saw the same when i miscarried. i think scorpio's idea is lovely and wish i had done the same.
cant help with pain question though as i cant remember how long it took tbh

[VJay]

Thinking of you fairywing, I too like scorpios idea xx

[downbutnotout]

hello fairywing - I hope what I'm about to say doesn't distress you, but I have suffered recurrent miscarriage and I ams uggesting this as you may want the knowledge later on. There is a small possibility that testing could be done on your baby to try and determine if there are underlying causes for your miscarriage. If you can face keeping the body and taking it to your hospital this can be arranged (I would ring ahead to check). Howvwer, the results can be inconclusive, so you may prefer to give them a decent burial as scorpio suggests.

The pain will continue for a while - we are all different in these matters. It you develop a fever and the pain does not subside after a couple of days, see your GP.

All my love to you at this heartbreaking time.

[fairywing]

Thankyou. I will put them in a little matchbox and bury them in the garden and plant a special plant nearby to remember them by, perhaps forget me not's would be fitting.

[Mummyfor3]

My condolences to your very sad loss .

I have had miscarriages but have never had to face up to actually seeing the lost pregnancy, so sending you lots of strength to deal with that.

Personally, burial in garden sounds nice to me, although downbutnotout's suggestion is probably the more rational one, particularly if this is not your first loss?

for you.

[Joolsiam]

Hi Fairywing - I think it is lovely that you have a focus now - you can bury the baby and plant a rose bush on top. It may be possible to have tests done, but I was told that this wouldn't normally happen with a first mc.

I never saw anything and never even thought to try - wish I had now.

As for the pain - mine reached a peak over a couple of hours one evening where I needed both ibuprofen and paracetamol and. The pain eased every time I passed a large clot, then I passed one final one that was big enough to make me feel the need to push, then the pain went away immediately

You may feel quite achey for a few days afterwards - I did and asked about it, to find it is quite normal

[mermaidspurse]

fairy* oh how brave you have been sweetie - my 4th was sent off to Bristol and I had to sign release forms. My first 2 was at the hospital and I soooo wish that we had buried them in the garden. I was distressed at leaving them ( I now that may sound a little daft) the third I lost It may be an idea to ask at the hospital re tests. But I think as you have chosen your own very brave path you will want to keep your lo out of the clutches of the system too.?
I keep meaning to go and choose a beautiful something to put in the garden, sculpture - is that the right spelling dosnt look right - or something but hav'nt found the right moment to do this yet.
*Jools is right about feeling achey, just take it easy. and heaps of love x

[downbutnotout]

I also wanted to say that I never saw any of the babies I lost and it still hurts that I didn't get to say to goodbye. I'm very glad that it sounds as if you are taking comfort in being with yours, however bittersweet it may be.

[wasabipeanut]

Oh darling I am so, so, sorry and so desperately sad for you. My own experiences make me able to feel your pain too.

I think forget me nots would be a lovely idea or perhaps a rose bush as Jools suggests.

My wishes are with you for a gentle recovery and hope for the future x

[catsmother]

Fairywing - I am so sorry about your baby. With one of my m/cs, I buried it (I passed what seemed to be the placenta, dunno about the baby ) beneath a small olive tree ..... my thinking, and I really don't want to offend you, or anyone else ....... was that although I was dreadfully distressed, that it could "nourish" and therefore give "life" to another living thing. That might sound really stupid, but that plant is effectively a memorial to my baby and seems to be thriving.

I miscarried again ...... 12 weeks later, at hospital, and I feel saddened that I didn't have the wherewithal to ask to take it home and do a similar thing. I somehow feel I have let that baby "down" by leaving it behind (for tests apparently) though the doctor was very compassionate, and explained it would be cremated with respect (I signed a form to this effect).

I doubt anyone on this thread will be at all "freaked out" as most of us will have been through something similar, so please don't worry about that. We just feel for you.

[mumoverseas]

so sorry about your mc fairywing.
think scorpio's idea is lovely and wished I'd been able to do that when I had my mc a few years ago. I had a terrible experience where the hospital wouldn't take me seriously about the bleeding and eventually I collapsed haemorraging in the waiting room at the hospital and almost passed out. It was very distressing for myself and DH and I felt so bad that he saw things he should never have seen when we lost our little one. Afterwards I felt as if I needed to have done something and wish I'd been able to do what Scorpio suggests.

It is very painful for you now but it does get a little better. xxx

[LilRedWG]

I'ms so sorry fairywing. Scorpio's idea is lovely. Your DH and you will always knowthat your little one is near to you. x

[OneLieIn]

Sorry for your loss fairy. Agree with the others that garden burial.

Very best wishes and lots of love. xx