Shocked by miscarriage

[RachelRog]

I had my first miscarriage 2 weeks ago. I have a son of 5 and had no problems whatsoever getting pregnant and the rest of it. Got pregnant straight away this time, told everyone I knew and even bought a pushchair, etc. Went for 12 week scan and was told foetus had stopped growing at 6 weeks......dream turned into a nightmare. I have wanted another baby for 2 years so I was completely over the moon.
Decided on a medical miscarriage as I could not just sit around waiting and decided an operation might do some damage. Totally did not expect what happened....I thought it would be like a heavy period NOT like loosing all my insides.
I want to try straight away as I just want to be pregnant again but am worried I am more likely to miscarry again if I get pregnant too soon....advice at hospital varied from wait 1 period, wait 3 months to straight away if you feel ready. Any advice for me please?

[expatinscotland]

Sorry for your loss. I went for an 8 week scan and found out the baby had recently died. After waiting 2 weeks to miscarry on my own, I went for the D&C. It went well and then I had no reminders that I'd lost the baby. Didn't TTC afterwards as my partner and I had split up, but wanted to say you're not alone and wish you the best for another baby. I did eventually have another child w/my now husband and my prior miscarriage didn't affect the new pregnancy at all.

[fisil]

So sorry RachelRog, a horrible thing to have to go through. I'm the same as you - I didn't want to sit around waiting, I went straight for the D&C. Basically we could have got trying again straight away, but we couldn't face it at the time. We decided to focus on our careers for a short while - and our son, of course. Then in the summer, about 4 months later, we suddenly decided to change our minds. I am now 8 months, and I have to say that it has been a very difficult pregnancy. No physical health problems, but basically I just found it impossible to get over the loss of the baby last year. It will take a long long time to get over this. I don't say that to make everything doom and gloom, but because society expects us to put these things behind us quickly and move on, which just seemed impossible for me (although I tried!)

[wishingchair]

Rachelrog - first of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a missed miscarriage as well and I found one of the hardest things is thinking back to all those times when I was so excited about the pregnancy but my baby had already died. It is really hard ... our baby died at around 16 weeks but I was 19 weeks when I found out so we had to deliver the baby too and it is shocking just how painful and bloody it all is. Awful.

Anyway, I saw the consultant doctor yesterday and he said there was no physical reason why you couldn't get pregnant straight away. The only reason you hear 3 months etc is because in the days before scans, this helped them date the pregnancy. So it's really whenever you feel ready. He also said statistically the chances of it happening again are low ... but I would ask for an early scan so you have peace of mind all is going well.

Good luck xxx

[Bella23]

So sorry to hear about your m/c. I had one in January and opted for a D&C. We were told that we could ttc as soon as we wanted. We have not been successful yet but are keeping everything crossed that it happens soon.
What I would say is that I think looking back over the last few months that it wasn't until at least 6 weeks after that I started to recover emotionally so although we ttc straight I probably wasn't ready.
Go with how you feel, perhaps just wait one period as its quite comforting to know everything is back in working order and then go for it!
Make sure you are good to yourself over the next few weeks

[dyzzidi]

Rachelrog. Thinking of you I think you should wait until you are ready to try again however long that is. I opted for a D & C after my m/c in September but then got rushed back in in November for another D & C as the first one was not done properly

I don't think any decisions regarding treatment are easy as it was the worst time in my life.

[Nemo1977]

RR
sorry for ur loss
Another who had a missed mc here in dec baby had died at 9 wks and i was supposedly 15wks. I had D+C as I had 2 natural mcs yrs ago so didnt want to go through that again. We waited one period before we started ttc and we still are now. They say to wait one cycle just so that dating etc is easier for ur subsequent pregnancy. Good luck to u hun and feel free to join us on our ttc thread when you are ready as we are a lovely lot..currently under conception www.orderyourbabyhere.com...lol

[littleweed]

nothing new to add just wanted to say having been through it myself how much I feel for you at the moment. take care.

[RachelRog]

Thankyou everyone for your replies. I never thought this would happen to me and it is reassuring to know I am not the only one out there. It just seems to have happened so fast....one minute I am ecstatic to be pregnant and the next I'm not even really pregnant anyway! My husband has been wonderful and he has now gone from not really wanting a baby (having one because I wanted one so badly) to really, really wanting one....I think he had got quite used to the idea.
Do you now the most dreadful thing? I took my son to the scan and he didn't have a clue why I burst into tears....for days he kept saying to people 'I'm having a baby you know'. Next time I will not tell anyone and certainly won't take him to the scans! I just feel in a desperate hurry as it was going to change my life so much for the better! Time off work, going part-time and more time at home with my family! I think that adds to the sadness because I have to get back to normal. It's nice to talk about it....I don't like to talk about it too much as I usually get upset but I feel quite strong today. I am looking forward to getting pregnant again whenever it happens!

[northstar]

So sorry rachel for your loss. It is a life-shattering experience. Use mn to talk whenever you feel the need, the support is fantastic and you dont have to keep yourself "together" as in rl iykwim. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

[Sophmum]

So sorry to hear what you are going through. The same thing happened to me in November - I went for a dating scan and found the baby had died at 6 weeks, then had a D + C at 11 weeks, although it was not complete and I miscarried most of it myself a couple of days later.

We were told to wait one month before trying again, which we did, then had 4 cycles of ttc. I found out I am pregnant again last week, and am nervously hoping to get through the next 8 weeks.

Looking back, I don't think my body was ready earlier, even though my periods and ovulation were regular.

Try to look after yourself and recover. Good luck.

[wishingchair]

RR I totally empathise with you about the life changing thing. It is so hard to get used to the idea that your life isn't going to go as you thought but is going to be "normal". I'm getting over it by really focusing on getting fit and healthy, new wardrobe, lots of nice things and holidays with dh and dd ... basically trying to make the next few months as enjoyable as possible.
Have you explained to DS? My DD is 2 and a bit and she knew I had a baby in my tummy and was really freaked out by my sudden change in temperament. The health visitor advised I just tell her what's happened, so I explained that I don't have a baby in my tummy any more, that it came out but was too small so has gone to heaven. I doubt she understands 99% of that but the fact she had an answer and knows the baby's come out of my tummy was enough to settle her.
Oh and one last thing - don't beat yourself up by thinking you "weren't really pregnant". As far as you, your body, and your hormones were concerned, you were pregnant. You had 3 months to build all those future memories and now it's all changed. That takes a lot of getting used to, but you will start to come to terms with it. Lots of love

[george32]

So sorry to hear of your m/c.
I'm another sufferer of a missed m/c and ERPC (back in Jan). Although I'm still not p/g, we didn't wait before trying again. To be honest, I wasn't really in the mood much post op so wasn't expecting anything to happen immediately. It seemed easier after my first AF as then you know your body is back to normal again.
Be kind to yourself over the next few weeks & months as you may find your emotions go a bit haywire for a time.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[RachelRog]

I told my son that daddy planted a seed but this time the seed had not grown into a baby. Just as sometimes we plant a seed that does not always grow into a flower and that we were going to try again to plant another seed. (he asked how the seed got into my tummy which made me hesitate while I thought about that one!)
To be honest I am such an impatient person about everything I do...I want everything yesterday...that I am trying to just take each day at a time and not think any further. Probably when I return to work (I have taken a few weeks off to 'get a grip') I will think about it less...but I can see me becoming a little obsessed with trying to figure out the best time to have sex,etc.
I do find reading people's experiences helpful but am struggling with some of the abbreviations. Can someone list them for me? eg. what is ERPC and AF? I think I have figured out that DS and DD is son and daughter but they are about the only ones. Many thanks X

[Bella23]

Rachelrog - click on acronym list at the top which will help with abbreviations.
ERPC - Evacuation of retained products of conception (etched on your brain once you've had one!!)
If you fancy joining us on the ttc thread, then you'll find it very supportive

[Arabica]

Sorry to hear of your miscarriage. I'm another missed miscarriage survivor. Mine was 6 weeks ago and I am beginning to think about it less than before, although I will never forget what happened and I know the due date will be tough.