Should I go back to work?

[wasabipeanut]

I started to bleed on Monday at what would be 8+5 but scans and blood test have confirmed that the pregnancy stopped at 6 weeks or slightly before - gestational sac and yolk sac but no fetal pole or heartbeat ever detected.

I'm on my 3rd day of bleeding and its been just like a normal period - not mega heavy but consistent but no cramping just the odd twinge. The doctor at the clinic warned me it would prob get worse at some point and I have to go back next week to check on my progress.

My question is, seeing as its a manageable loss, can I go back to work? I have been off since last Thursday (only work Wed, Thur, Fri) but becauase I am working my notice (and hoping to pick up some freelance work from them) I feel bad about not going in. Plus if I end up needing a EPRC anyway I'll have to take even more time off.

What do you think? Should I go in and just play it by ear?

[Dropdeadfred]

Does everyone at work know what's hapened?
if you are mentally and physically compfrtable enough to return then i would...but be prepared for your hormones to catch you out at the slightest thing.

[Joolsiam]

Wasabi - if you were a full time employee and not working your notice, I'd have said don't go back to work - I had the best part of 2 weeks with a combination of sick days, annual leave and working from home.

You won't physically need that much time if your bleeding is manageable but emotionally, do be prepared for it to hit you once you are in the office. I lasted my first week OK but had a meltdown at the weekend - the same pattern the next week, then started slowly returning to normality.

For me, the worst bit was nobody knowing what had happened. I eventually told a couple of people, which made things a lot easier and I was really amazed how lovely and supportive they were (even my male manager)

Given your situation, I'd say give it a go - you sound like you would fret if you didn't go in, so see what happens. The worst case is that you'll feel bad at work and have to tell them what is happening (if you haven't already)I am sure you will be respected for trying to carry on and do your best by the company

[mermaidspurse]

I began to bleed on Sunday, lost everything the next day. I run a mail order company from home and am doing the bare minimum. I am aware that a load of demon hormones are waiting to break out at a moments notice. Last time I picked up the phone to a customer and ended up crying down the phone - very embarrasing, so the machine is on ths time.
You have made me feel a bit wussie now
But I guess putting your toe back in the water is a good and positive thing, just be gentle on yourself though.

[wasabipeanut]

Thanks for the replies guys. I think I will give it a go. My immediate boss and one colleague know what has happenned and have been fine so I will explain that I will go in but might have to leave in a hurry if the situation changes.

Thanks for the warning on the hormones

[wasabipeanut]

mermaid - sorry of I made you feel bad. If I ran my own business I would also be doing the bare minimum right now! I haven't passed the sac or anything yet so it will prob get a lot worse but I just can't stand waiting around for it to happen if that makes sense.

[mermaidspurse]

thats ok - I am dreadful at getting anything done at the best of times, do you want a job!

[Daynee]

wasabi - It's a tough call but if you feel ok about going back, then I guess why not? I think I might be afraid to given that I'm a teacher and wouldn't want to suddenly be in extreme pain and have to run out of the classroom to the bathroom! Ugh. It sounds like it should start pretty soon?

mermaid - I totally relate to what you're saying. I feel like I'm only doing what I need to do in order to get through my days here at work. It seems that keeping busy is not doing much for me because I think about what happened (3rd mc a few weeks ago) all the time and all I want to do is go home, drink some wine, and sit on the couch!

We definitely are a working society nowadays and it makes it tougher to go through this when you have responsibilities like work because it makes you feel like a wuss, like you should just be able to shake it off and get back into work full force. Hmmmm....not so much

[mermaidspurse]

this is the state of my brain today - dropped ds off at school popped into corner shop for local paper got back in car drove home then made detour to second corner shop to get... yep you guessed it the local paper. Just about to get out car and glanced at passenger seat.. huge surprise to see paper sitting there.. drove home quick. so should I be taking customers credit card info down and doing grown up stuff? have decided best to spend the day eating marmalade toast.
daynee wine+couch sounds good to me

[clarey2311]

Hi wasabi,
I have been following your thread and those of many on here (hello) since end of Dec when the same thing happened to me. This site is a pure godsend.
I got scanned on 29th Dec after a light brown spot and no heartbeat was seen (I thought I was 10+2 or 3 but baby was measuring 9+6), I had been in work that morning but took the afternoon and the next 2 days off (had ERPC on new year's eve - what a way to celebrate the new year, eh?). I told a few people from work over the phone (managers) but when I got back fully on 5 Jan I told anyone who would listen! Somehow it made it all seem more real to me, that I wasn't imagining it and all my plans for the future. Also everyone was supportive and I found out the same thing had happened to a few colleagues, who had since had children.
It's amazing how many of us are out there, I think that m/c must be a lot higher than I'd previously read (1 in 7), it's nearer 1 in 3 to me.
I felt ok-ish for the first full week back at work but then last week very hormonal and crying out of the blue. Luckily I can work from home and chose to do so for a day. I can relate to Joolsiam's experience above - I had total meltdown the other weekend - my poor DP. I feel ok this week but there is the occasional blip - don't underestimate the grieving process/ your hormones. Don't feel bad and don't beat yourself up about taking time off, try and play it by ear. I stopped bleeding yesterday, 3 weeks after the ERPC. Praying that my hormones/cycle go back to normal soon! thinking of you, good luck x

[wasabipeanut]

Thanks for the replies on this. Clarey I'm sorry for your loss and I think you are so right in your comments about how many women suffer this. I spoke to midwife yesterday on the phone and when we discussed waiting several months to try again she airily said - "Oh I had a couple when I was younger - I never waited". I know that my mum had one before I was born as well.

People seems reluctant to acknowledge it, understandably I guess as they want to move on.