trying again after miscarriage - how far did you change your lifestyle/put life "on hold"

[silvermum]

I have had two miscarriages in the last five months - one natural at about eight weeks and the other a missed miscarriage which needed a D+C. Was quite devastated after the second one and am struggling with the thought of starting all over again. But I will be 35 this summer and DH is 46 so we don't have the luxury of time. I have one healthy DS (18months.)
I am worried that my miscarriages may have been somehow linked to heavy exercise (i love to keep fit)and so plan to cut down dramatically this time round, just in case it makes a difference.
But I had a huge battle to lose pregnancy weight in the past (it took more than a year) and dread putting on weight again, potentially for nothing....(i love food so dieting instead of exercise doesn't appeal!)
Also we usually go skiing in the spring. I don't feel we can book it while we're TTC again...and yet, if you put your life/treats on hold, it just raises the stakes, and puts even more pressure on getting pregnant/not miscarrying again, doesn't it?
I'd love to hear how other people have coped with these sorts of dilemmas. Did you give up things that were important to you just in case it made a difference?

[JingleJools]

Well exercise is very important to me for the same reasons really - I have such a slow metabolism that I have to exercise or I'd be more overweight than I am now

Like you, am wondering whether carrying on with spinning and body combat classes could have contributed to my mc (although GP says no) and am fighting with whether to stop in first trimester or not. I've only just got back to full fitness post MC and 3 weeks on the sofa with choc to commiserate.

It is academic with me at the mo though DP won't say he doesn't want to try again but is not co-operating with BD either Am getting sooooo frustrated and tearful that it will never happen (I am 39)

[fymandbean]

I did find exercise made me bleed in my first pregnancy (although not to MC). If it were me I'd change my exercise routine to longer much lower impact. So in the end I just swam and walked.... I found running, cycling, anything involving stretching and reaching (like body combat) and other higher impact things were not appropriate for me. However this isn't the case for everyone.

Why not go skiing now? snow's great, you're not pg yet and you are just about still in low season so prices are lower - although it is very cold at this time of the yera!. if you find yourself PG then rest relax and enjoy the scenery! If you ski with our DH then he can join a ski group (ask at ski school as there are often 'social' groups as well as teaching groups) instead.

[silvermum]

oooh poor you Jingle...could you try and talk it through with DP (i'm sure you have already) to try to weed out his honest feelings? (perhaps using excuse of going into a new year, etc!)
I know the doctors generally say a lot of exercise is okay if you're used to it but it seems sort of common sense that getting all hot and sweaty, heart pumping like it's going to burst etc is not ideal! after my D+C last month the gynae said that exercise in which you get very hot, and exercise at high altitute (eg skiing) could both be linked to miscarriage. getting hot apparently takes circulation away from the foetus; while altitude reduces oxygen. He didn't go into any further detail and was a bit dismissive generally so i don't feel that much the wiser.
I really can't bear the thought of getting podgy again. i'm in good shape now (though have put on about three/four pounds cos of christmas but that's nothing compared to the three stone that i put on with pregnancy) and do not want to go back to a situation where i can't have any treats.
But then...got to think about priorities. being slim vs having a baby? i suppose having baby must come first!

[silvermum]

yeah, fym, i think i'll probably just work more walking into my day for the next few weeks...better than nothing. a friend used to walk six miles a day and it kept her in really good shape (it was three miles to her office, and she walked both ways. ) despite fact that she loved a few glasses of wine every night! unfortunately i hate swimming-am rubbish at it - or that would be the obvious answer.

[Kafka]

How about cycling. I cycle with my dd, in a baby seat and we love it.

[silvermum]

Kafka, i cycle to work about three times a week - it's the main thing i'm thinking of giving up for the next few weeks. it's about seven miles each way. do you think that's too much? it does knacker me...

[JingleJools]

Silvermum - he's not very good at talking about his feelings

We had the chat - he said yes we can try again, but deep down I think he really doesn't want to, as he just can't "perform" at the crucial moment I'm so angry and disappointed right now - I can't even be in the same room as him I am fertile right now, and if I can't sort him out today, we have no chance for yet another month. I'm desperate to have a first baby before I'm 40 and time is running out

Sorry for thread hijack - hope you are having a better start to the new year

[keevamum]

Just like to say after 2 m/c's I gave up my gym membership and became a total slob....didn't put my life on hold though. We did still go on a walking holiday to the lake district but I did go slowly with lots of breaks. Also I didn't do a pregnancy test for ages as I wanted to be relaxed about it and not being hyper tense and avoiding evrything just in case....It worked though. I do think it was more state of mind then exercise that helped and I didn't officially know I was pregnant until I was past the crucial 8 week stage. Now thinking about a possible third but I want to lose weight first and be a bit healthier before we try. Would still give up the jogging though, but then I wasn't really fit in the first place so it does depend on your level of fitness to begin with. Good luck.

[Kafka]

Sorry not to reply before not been on line.

I suggested cycling as I thought it would not be so 'jolting' as running, but you know your body and what feels right for it - trust your extincts.

It is so hard losing a baby, I lost my second to mc, I do wish you a happy new year.

Kafka

[Kafka]

Sorry not to reply before not been on line.

I suggested cycling as I thought it would not be so 'jolting' as running, but you know your body and what feels right for it - trust your extincts.

It is so hard losing a baby, I lost my second to mc, I do wish you a happy new year.

Kafka

[Kafka]

Sorry not to reply before not been on line.

I suggested cycling as I thought it would not be so 'jolting' as running, but you know your body and what feels right for it - trust your extincts.

It is so hard losing a baby, I lost my second to mc, I do wish you a happy new year.

Kafka

[silvermum]

thanks all. i cycled to work again today, against my better judgement. i should be ovulating any day now. i'm beginning to think perhaps my heart isn't quite in it for trying again this month. maybe i just can't quite face going through the whole thing again so soon after the last two miscarriages - it takes quite a bit of "psyching up" to start all over again and perhaps i'm not quite there yet; hence my lack of will to give up the things i like which could make a difference to my chances.
jingle, i really feel for you, and also your DP. In my (limited experience) experience, 'performance' is massively psychological. if he feels under pressure - as he must (and it's not your fault) then that may well lead to him not physically being able to deliver, IYSWIM, even if he really wants to. it's a vicious circle. the whole thing about"having" to have sex on certain days is just no fun for anyone involved - not you, not him. It's not how it should be, but there's not much getting away from it, is there? good luck

[shazzaren]

Hi ladies, I am a builder/plasterer and I play basketball and run. I have had 3 mmc (or 4 if counting chemical) in last 15 months. I carried on with exercise and work with my pregnancies because it makes me feel good and obviously need the money work wise. I lost all 3 at 8 weeks, died at 7, ERPC to follow each one. DP and I have discussed at length what happens next and we have decided with next pg I will give up work as its so physical and probably not play basketball. It's against what I believe in as I excercised heavily throughout my first pg with my DS now 4 yrs old, I even did spinning class 2 days before he arrived. GP said if fit already, just monitor heart rate and keep going. However, although I dont believe exercise can harm the baby in first trimester I would try anything now to ensure I dont lose another and I NEVER thought I would give up sport during pregnancy but there just isnt enough known about what causes mc is there? Anyway, will continue to stay fit as at 39 yrs old my metabolism has just about grounded to a halt but no more heavy stuff in first trimester.

[silvermum]

shazzaren, i also exercised heavily in my pregnancy with DS and agree it's hard to know what to believe, but like you, i think it's worth trying anything. this month while trying to conceive, i am going to significantly reduce, but not stop completely, exercise, and if i get a positive preg test, i won't be doing any running or cycling for the first trimester. i hate the thought of putting on weight again but it's time i got that in perspective. the baby is more important than my figure.

[MerryMadMarg]

After my MMC I just didn't have the heart to try for a few months, but when we did start TTC I made open ended holiday plans - ie where we could get our money back if we cancelled.

We were hoping to go skiing in January, but found out I was pregnant and cancelled it as I would still be in my first trimester.

[silvermum]

i'm not sure my heart has been in it this month...if i get pregnant i'll be thrilled of course but i'm not getting too hopeful as we haven't tried very hard.
we've just been offered possible use of a friend's ski apartment which would be amazing since it would be free and we could cancel at short notice if i did become pregnant- best of all worlds.