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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Fear that I'll never have another baby

36 replies

Gateau · 20/10/2008 09:08

Hi,
It looks like I'm having my third m/c. I went for a scan after spotting last week and they told me that they couldn't see anything in the pregnancy sac - but the sonographer said the chances were I had had a missed miscarriage. I have to go back for another scan this week to get a "clearer picture." But as I have started bleeding more and with some clots, any remote chance of positive news has now almost diminished.
Am feeling very upset as this is the second m/c in a matter of months. The one before started in April - and wasn't brought to a conclusion until July. I just can't believe this has happened again so soon; I was quite positive about this pg; everything just felt right about it. (I also had a m/c several years before my DS was born).
I know I am blessed to have a healthy, beautiful little boy (18 months); some people don't even get this chance. But I always wanted to have at leat two DC and for him to have a sibling and I am just worried that this will never happen. The midwife in the EPU told me after the scan that this happening could have something to do with my age. I'm 39 next month. I'm just so terrified of never being able to carry a baby successfully again.
Has anyone has any similiar experiences?

OP posts:

Report

Gateau · 20/10/2008 09:42

BUMP

OP posts:

SuperSillyus · 20/10/2008 10:02

Really sorry to see you may be miscarrying and don't know what to say helpfull about that it's a sad sad thing but I did just want to say that it may be harder at 39 but lots of people have babies in their forties and I don't think it matters too much what the age gap is. (there's 11 years between my ds1 and dd but they still benefit and manage to banter and interact loads.)

It's okay to keep hoping and I wish you well and hope things work out for you.

Gateau · 20/10/2008 10:10

Thank you Super.
You are right: the age gap doesn't matter. Just to have another would be lovely.

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Lubyloo · 20/10/2008 10:11

So sorry you are going through this. I can relate to how you feel. We tried for years to have DD and had one miscarriage in that time. Finally we were blessed with DD but I have since had an ectopic pregnancy and another miscarriage.

I feel so sad for DD that she may never have a sibling and can also hear the clock ticking louder that time is running out. It takes so long for me to get pregnant and when I finally do I lose it.

I try and take comfort that statistics show that even after three pregnancy losses you are still more likely to have a successful pregnancy than not.

Do you have some good RL support?

Haylstones · 20/10/2008 10:14

Big sympathies, I sadly don't have any advice but think it was a bit insensitive to say it could be to do with your age. Plenty of women have babies at your age and way beyond so don't worry about that.
WRT similar experiences, I had a healthy pg with dd then decided to try again 3 years later. I had 2 mc in quick succession at the same stage and was distraught, couldn't imagine ever having two children and really struggled to deal with it. However, 4 months after mc no.2 we felt ready to try again and fell pg the first month. From the start, this pg felt 'different' and I now have an 8 mo ds, who is absolutely wonderful. When I mcd it didn't really help when people told me they'd had similar expeiences then had a healthy pregnancy afterwards because I wanted to be there NOW and couldn't imagine that happening to me so I hope this doesn't upset you because although I didn't really want to hear it, at the back of my mind it gave me some hope
Good luck

Gateau · 20/10/2008 10:22

Thank you everyone for your kind words. hearing about similiar expereinces does help.
I may have to have a D and C (I have had two already) but am not prepared to wait for nature to take it's course if it hasn;t already because I just can't go through that again.
How soon after the m/c or D&C can I start TTC again? I will start asap if I can.

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Lubyloo · 20/10/2008 10:29

They recommend that you wait until you have had your first period but that is really only to make the pregnancy easier to date. Unless advised otherwise then you are fine to start TTC when you feel physically and emotionally ready.

I also had a very long drawn out miscarriage which still ended up with an ERPC so can understand why you want to opt for surgery straight away - I would too.

I hope everything goes well and will be thinking of you.

Gateau · 20/10/2008 10:34

Thanks Luby.
It kind of cheers me a little that I can hopefully start TTC straightaway.
After you had three m/cs did they investigate? The midwife in the EPU said they probably wouldn't me with me because I had had a successful pg.

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Lubyloo · 20/10/2008 10:38

No they didn't investigate because only two losses were miscarriages, the other was an ectopic.

Ironic really because about the only positive thing that came out of our fertility testing was that I had perfect, clear tubes....then I manage to have an ectopic in one of them

I thought they would still test after three miscarriages whether or not you had a successful pregnancy. It may be worth going to see your GP about it.

Gateau · 20/10/2008 10:40

Yes, I just might do that. The lady in the EPU is a bit crap, TBH. I might as well ask my cat for advice.
Sorry to intrude, but are you currently TTC?

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Lubyloo · 20/10/2008 10:44

Yes still TTC. Have been for over 7 years in total, with just DD to show for it.

I have PCOS and I'm on metformin which has regulated my cycles so still hoping I'll manage to get another BFP one day.

Gateau · 20/10/2008 10:47

I wish you all the luck in the world.
Sorry, what are PCOS?
I seem to have no trouble getting pg. It's hanging on to them that's the trouble!
I don;t deny any woman a successful pg(s) but it is hard when you see people, partic friends getting pg so seamlessly, isn't it?

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raquelitaC · 20/10/2008 11:04

Hi,
I am new to this discussion or any discussion,but wanted to say that I am sorry about your m/c. But don't lose heart. I had 5 of them and it was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. There are no guarantees, and I needed to come to terms with that and accept that it may not happen. As it is now, I have 4 healthy children, and am glad I tried again and again.

Gateau · 20/10/2008 11:12

Thanks raquel and glad it all worked out for you.
I have decided that I do want to try and try again if that's what it takes.
Do you know if it ever gets to the stage that you have too many m/cs and the medics advice you to give up for the sake of your health?

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raquelitaC · 20/10/2008 11:20

I suppose it will depend on how traumatic for your body the m/c was. I had 3 surgery's and 2 "natural" m/cs. This was all before I had any children. It was never mentioned to me about not trying again for the sake of my physical health.

In fact, I remember I was told that I did not need to wait the 6 months or so to try again. That my body could handle another pregnancy again.

Hope that helps.

Gateau · 20/10/2008 11:24

It does, thanks. It's just my age that worries me- I'm nearly 39.

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andiem · 20/10/2008 11:26

Gateau I have been in a similar position to you
my advice would be to ask for a gynae referral and get your fsh levels done this will tell you what your ovarian reserve is like and whether this is a factor in the mcs
I don't think she was insensitive as it could be to do with your gae I was 38 when I started trying to conceive ds2 and had 2 mcs before I saw a gynae and in fact there was an age related problem
we ended up having ivf and I'm not saying that is the case for you but mc at this age can be releted to ovarian function and the quality of the eggs
I wish I had cottoned onto this sooner as it would have saved us a lot of months of trying
and we had no problems conceiving ds1 when I was 35
I hope the mc isn't too traumatic will be thinking of you

Gateau · 20/10/2008 11:31

Thanks you andiem. That is REALLY helpful advice. Did you conceive DS as a result of IVF? How long did it take, if you don't mind me asking?!
Will make an appointment/speak to my GP asap.

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andiem · 20/10/2008 11:34

gateau it took 4 attempts to have ds2 3 fresh one frozen cycle (different success rates for each) which took about 2 years in total it was a lengthy process was expensive and at times emotionally hard but when I look at him and ds1 together it is definitely all worth it
I was 41 when i had him btw

Gateau · 20/10/2008 11:36

I bet it's worth it. I'm very happy it all worked out for you.

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andiem · 20/10/2008 11:39

thanks gateau
take care

Lubyloo · 20/10/2008 20:48

Sorry real life intervened but it looks like you have got some good advice.

PCOS is polycystic ovarian syndrome.

How are you this evening?

lulumama · 20/10/2008 20:49

no advice to offer , but i am so sorry you are going through this

andellewi · 21/10/2008 00:13

I had a miscarriage at age 39 and lost it at 20 weeks. I see my loss as a little person I'll see again one day. That was my way of dealing with it. It's so tough and unfair. Look after yourself, I know how vulnerable you must feel but people care, especially women who've been through it.

andellewi · 21/10/2008 00:15

Just remember, nothing has been confirmed, it may not be as bad as you think.

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