Over 40 ? Miscarrying and trying again

(40 Posts)
daisy5 Sat 21-Jun-08 16:41:24

Hello all

I have a 2 year old and while pregnant with her, was always rather confident and sure that things would turn out fine, even after a threatened miscarriage. However this time around, things have been very different. I felt things were not well, right from the start.

Shortly after discovering I was pregnant three months ago, I became very aware that this time I was '41 and pregnant', instead of '38 and pregnant'. I went online and poured through all the nasty over-40 statistics - 50% chance of miscarrying before 12 weeks (as opposed to 8% for women in their 20's), 1 in 65 chance of Downs Syndrome which rather frightened me.

And on top of that, I had thought I was pregnant at the end of last year - I had all the symptoms, except I never got a positive pregnancy test (although I did bleed rather peculiarly for about a month with brown flakey material towards the end - something the doctors weren't sure about. Maybe I was pregnant, maybe it was a 'coming off the pill' physical thing???)

I kept hoping that my uncertainties about this pregnancy were a result of either my 'odd' experience last year, or the 'harshness' of the over-40 statistics.

Sadly, my premonitions did turn out to have some foundation. When I thought I had just one week to go before passing that 12 week 'watershed', and finally being able to have the 12 week scan and, get really excited about my baby-to-be and announce it to the world that I was having another baby, it dawned on me that my pregnancy symptoms were slowly vanishing.

I was away from home at the time and the local NHS were somewhat dismissive of me. I was beginning to suffer anxiety attacks and so was lucky to find a private scan company who could help me quickly. The scan confirmed what I had felt, revealing that my little one hadn't survived past 9 weeks.

I then miscarried on Wednesday - quite frightening as I believe I lost 80% of my womb within 2 hours, with my 2 year old wondering what on earth mummy was sitting on the loo for so long! The little one slipped out early evening, something I thought I would find unbearable, but strangely I felt quite comforting as I have put little one in a gorgeous little box with a beautiful ribbon and shall bury in the garden under a special tree sometime next week.

My partner had been uncertain about this pregnancy, and had felt that he was 'doing it for me' and that he was getting a bit old to become a Dad again, but he had agreed, so I had felt under pressure to be fantastic, and he seemed to resent any or all signs of pregnancy - it's hard being pregnant when you feel resentment from your partner.

I had felt that if I lost this baby, he wouldn't agree to trying again and that, that would be the end of my family, when I so longed for the two of them to run around the house, giggling and chattering. I love the sound of laughter echoing through a house.

As it turned out, he was surprised at how 'gutted' he was by our loss and drove many miles to join me immediately saying we would try again.

His compassion and goodwill has been the thing that has given me hope and postivity through what is such a very sad time, but I think my 'mindset' for trying again, is so very important, and I have to get things sorted in my head, and really would love to hear the thoughts of other women over 40 who have experience anything similar.

These are the kind of thoughts that have been going through my head:

Firstly, if my chance of miscarrying is 50% and I have just miscarried, then I have a good chance that the next one will be fine?? Someone over 40 wrote - my eggs are past their Best Before Date, so I have to crack a few shells to find a good one. What do you think? Obviously I am not feeling so positive right now.

I suspect I am quite fertile but how many miscarriages can one cope with. It occurred to me that if I eat, drink and rest as though I am pregnant, exercise gently etc, then I don't need to kick myself that I had three glasses of wine at a dinner party or ate pate without realising I was pregnant. Also, then I wouldn't alert the world to the fact I am pregnant, something that seems to bring about more stress in the relationship than good - maybe wait until a heart beat is found at 8 weeks before sharing it with partner. Has anyone done that? If I don't test until two weeks after missed period, then wait two weeks for scan for heartbeat, then my partner and I have just four weeks of angst to bear together?!

I also wonder if it was very healthy thinking about the statistics. Every day passing became painful - I was so anxious from the start. I felt this was my precious last possibility for a second child and concerned my pregnancy symptoms were not that strong. How on earth do you overcome this and forget about it? I would love all thought and advice as realise my partner was picking up on my anxieties and was thinking 'Oh God, here we go again'. I don't want to make his or my life hell, as we wouldn't be 'trying again' for very long!!!

What a long posting! Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Many thanks in advance.

lackaDAISYcal Sat 21-Jun-08 17:03:32

hi another daisy smile

so sorry to hear of your loss sad.

I'm 39 had my DD last june, but had had two mcs before getting pregnant with her. I'm pregnant again and due shortly befiore my 40th, and conceived first time of not really trying so it is possible.

There are loads of women on here who are in their 40s and pregnant or trying again so i would try not to be too disheartened.

It's so difficult not ot get bogged down in the statistics though, and although you didn't have strong symptoms, I'd try not to get too hung up on that being an absolute indicator that something was wrong. I had no symptoms at all with my DS who is 6, but felt awful and really sick with the baby I lost at 11 weeks.

As to overcoming and forgetting; I don't think you ever forget, but it does get more bearable and you will be able to move on. your next pregnancy will be fraught with worry, but there is fantastic support on here....on the "miscarriage avengers" thread in the conception topic and in the "Knicker Checkers Anonymous" thread in the pregnancy topic. there is also a "fabulous and Forty plus" thread in pregnancy.

The main thing for the moment is to be kind to yourself and give yourself as much time as you feel you need to grieve for your lost baby. there is also some good advice in leaflet form available to download from the Miscarriage Association. they also have a very good helpline manned by volunteers who have suffered miscarriage themselves.

Once again, I'm so sorry for your loss, but you sound like you are a very brave and courageous person, and your post has moved me soo much.

Good Luck for the future and hopefully I might see you on the Knicker Checkers Thread some time in the future.

daisy xx

NoNickname Sat 21-Jun-08 17:54:12

I can completely empathise with you. I found out yesterday that my supposed 8 week pregnancy had not developed beyond 6 weeks. I am now waiting to miscarry (was supposed to be having an ERPC next week, but have changed my mind).

I am 41 and have a ds of 4.6. My previous pg was 2.6 years ago, and it too ended in a mmc. I don't know how much time I have left; or indeeed how much longer I want to spend TTC, if at all. The heartbreak and physical aspects are awful, and last time I remember saying that I wasn't sure I could go through this again. I'm still not sure if it's time to give up trying or not, but will take my time in thinking about it. My dh has been fantastic, and does want to try again, but I think it will take me some time to decide.

The mc risk statistics are sobering. In fact I didn't realise they were as bad as that for over 40s. I did know that there is an increased risk - the older you are - of there being chromosomal abnormailities with your eggs, which can in turn lead to mc. One thing I read said that 79% of eggs of over-40s were found to have chromosomal abnormalities. With stats like that, the odds are stacked against us.

johnworf Sat 21-Jun-08 20:56:17

Hi,

Just found your thread from 40's mums thread.

I MC when I was 40 at 9 weeks and went on at 41 to get pregnant with my DD who is now 3 weeks old (albeit that she was born at 24 wks and 3 days but that's nothing to do with my age ).

Just to say, keep the faith, keep trying and get the age barrier out of your mind. Come and join our thread or just look over the posts to see that there are lots of us over 40's mums and mums to be Some have taken a while to conceive and some first attempt...some trouble free pregnancy some problematic. In essence, we're just like the 20 and 30 somethings

Hope this helps

mrsboogie Sat 21-Jun-08 21:19:52

my god - I know where you read that last statistic nonickname but if that were true there wouldn't be so many healthy babies born to the over forties, surely?

daisy5 - I can very much empathise with you. I am forty and still apparently as fertile as I have always been. I got pg on the first half attempt last year but had a m/mc quite early on. I didn't find out till I started bleeding at 12 weeks. I had had very little in the way of pg symptoms at all. I hadn't even realised that a m/mc could happen - I thought it would be lost straight away.

Anyway the very next time we tried (in the dying days of me being 39) I fell pg again. This time I was convinced something would go wrong again. When I told my OH I very ungraciously threw the testing stick at him and said don't get excited I will probably lose this one as well. I stayed in that negative mindset and then I had episodes of bleeding at 8, 12 and 14 weeks. I was forever reading stupid bloody articles about old mothers and all the things that can go wrong. I remained convinced I would miscarry but I didn't, and my attitude really spoiled what should have been a happy time for my OH. I was trying to protect myself from the painful feelings I would have if I lost this one as well. After 12 weeks I became a bit more positive and tried to appear that way for my OH as much as I could.

I had the screening tests for Downs and Edwards and my results came back fantastic. Now I am 27 weeks and all is apparently going well but I have still not shaken off the fear totally.

I am telling you all this because apart from the bleeding my rational mind knows that I have had a very easy pregnancy with no sickness or tiredness and I fell pregnant quicker than many younger women can. Despite this the effect of the previous m/mc and the scaremongering crap I had read left me neurotic about my pregnancy. I also felt that once I hit 40 the time left to have a baby was rapidly diminishing. In addition to the trauma of the event itself a miscarriage and the recovery time seems to take a huge chunk of this time away from you.

Miscarriages are awful but they happen in two of five pregnancies and are not the preserve of the older woman. There are lots of women on here who have had two or three little ones after forty no problem, some suffering miscarriages in between some not.

I think that if I were to become pregnant again after this I too might keep it a secret even from my OH as long as possible in order to get as far on as possible before breaking the news. I would also do what I did with this LO - try not to think of it as a baby - only a potential baby and try not to get too excited until past the 12 week mark.

As an antidote to the bad statistics - here is a good one - a significant percentage (20% or 40% I can't remember which) of women are as fertile in their early forties as they were in their twenties!

If you want to try again daisy5 then you should - there are thousands of women around to show that it can be done - ignore the scare stories - I certainly do now. It is up to you what stage you think it best to tell your DH. A lot of women seem to fall pg quite quickly after a mc.

I'm not sure if any of this will be of help to you except to show that you are not alone in feeling the way you do.

Others may think this harsh but maybe the best way of getting over your loss is to try again? If you do, read only the positive articles and statistics about over-forty pregnancy. It will make a postive difference to your mindset.

good luck.

NoNickname Sun 22-Jun-08 10:27:47

mrsboogie - it's a scary figure, isn't it. I got it from here - about five paras up from the bottom.

jazzandh Sun 22-Jun-08 11:25:32

I can completely understand what you are saying daisy5.

IT took me a long time to get pregnant with DS (3.5) and I countered all the comments of "when are you going to have another" - by building up a negative wall saying "I don't want another baby" and trying to convince myself of the same.

Every media article which mentions someone with children I scan to check how old they were when they had their babies.

When I thought I was pregnant recently, I had to overcome this caution and start to get excited about the possibility of another baby, break down the barriers that I had put up in my mind (even though we have been TTC for the last 2 years).

Then a blighted ovum diagnosis at 9 weeks and back to square one.....all the positives of a single child. Counting how many mums in DS pre-school only have one child.

The mental turmoil never goes away for me, and my DH who would love another child, really does not get it at all.

I took a strange comfort from the same article you read about "breaking eggs" and it really helped me to know so many other women have been through the same thing, and have the same anxieties.

I am 39 (but with poor fertility in general) so my time is running out. It doesn't help when articles carry on about "older mothers" - some of us have been trying - just takes so long.

I ramble - but this thread, has really said what I have been struggling with in my mind. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

FloriaTosca Sun 22-Jun-08 22:49:07

Oh Honey! I soooo feel for yousad(((hugs))))...I have been there 6 times (all over the age of 40 but not all necessarily due to age)...I too had the unsupportive Dh and bore the burden alone....I truly know how you feel and I really want to respond fully right now but my 8mth old isnt settling tonight and Dh is walking the hall with him at this moment so I can't say all I would like...but I will say that the statistics must be flawed because so many of us manage it....
I will be back tomorrow but just needed to tell you now that you are not the only one to feel as you understandably do right now but there is most definately hope despite the doom and gloom mongerers

daisy5 Mon 23-Jun-08 11:18:44

Lackadaisy - thank you for your lovely support and your suggestion to join your thread.

The strange thing is that it was not so much disheartening, as stressful, emotionally and physically exhausting on all sides (pressure from pregnancy, pressures from OH, pressures from DD). We were also house hunting (more pressures), so I had to put in a few hours traipsing around looking at houses, as our 2 bedroom place would not do. I got frightened when I ate or did something that I remembered I wasn't supposed to, I began to feel neurotic and that is not my nature at all.

It's just it was never like this last time. With my daughter I was sick and annoyed that I felt so rubbish, and excited but not scared and utterly emotionally debilitated like this last time.

We will definately try again and I think I am in pretty good shape, all things considered, but the experience was rather awful all round.

NoNickName - I'm so sorry you've had another miscarriage. I cried from the bottom of my heart when I discovered my little one didn't make it any further. I remembered hearing a Croatian women wailing at the grave of her sons who had been killed in the war, and understood her grief even though my one never made it out into the world.

But then I would rather it happened now, than discover bad news at a later stage.

I found it hard to know whether to D&C or wait and see. It seemed like it was starting when I saw the doctor so we decided to hold off for a week and see what happened. On hindsight I thought it was preferable, as I
(1) have previously had an abortion when I was very young and have unhappy feelings about it, so prefered to be at home. Although it was all happened quite fast and I had towels strategically placed throughout the house (I managed to laugh over the sight of that)
(2) had a week to deal with the grief of my baby not making it. I was ready for it all to be over and beginning to wish it to happen. I guess I was just lucky with timings. I know it can be otherwise. I had a couple of friends who could come and look after my daughter if I needed them to. I cannot imagine how soul destroying it must be to have a miscarriage and deal with all the emotional feelings at the same time as the physical ones.

But you have had a miscarriage before so probably know more than me about feelings and decisions involved.

I am so glad I already have my beautiful daughter. It would have been harder otherwise I expect, and I guess, is proof that my body can do it.

Good luck.

Johnworf - thanks for your support. I am new to Mumsnet and couldn't find the Over 40 thread. Where do I find it?

MrsBoogie - I understand what you mean. I didn't exactly throw the stick at my OH but I didn't smile. I think I said 'it's positive but I am getting on so let's not get too excited just yet'. But then I do remember we were both thrilled later on and on a high for the next 24 hours. He was excited at first. I think the house hunting and his problems at work, led to him wondering if he wasn't too old for all these pressures. Also, all is well in our household when I am operating at 100% but he isn't good at coping when I am not. Also, he likes to sleep in at the weekend and go out in the afternoon, but when pregnant, I need to wake at 8 to look after our daughter but am knackered and needed to sleep from 3-4. Our needs were at odds with each other.

I really appreciated all that you said and have taken it on board. I don't think I will read anything next time, and I wish they would stop talking about it in TV. I do love the BBC Breakfast News but they do seem to have a worrying baby statistic or pregnancy fear on a weekly basis if not more often.

I now I am lucky that I come from a fertile family (my father's side is said to 'breed like rabbits') and seem to get pregnant almost immediately, so the most important thing for me is to find a way to cope with it emotionally. I think I will do some part time work from September when my daughter starts nursury. Something to keep my mind occupied!

jazzandh - I know what you mean by taking notice of whether other mothers have one child or two. I am so pleased I have my daughter as you must be pleased you have your DS. I would be ecstatic to have a second, but know I can live happily with just my daughter, which brings me some peace. I wish you all the best with getting pregnant again. A good friend of mine is lousy at getting pregnant, but now at 41 has two children, so lets continue with the odds game smile until they work in our favour.

FloriaTosca - would love to hear your story. Many thanks.

After all that I do feel much better. Thank you all.

TummyTrouble Mon 23-Jun-08 14:46:08

I had my ds when I was 32. It took 2 years to fall pregnant. I then tried for 6 years and finally got pregnant when I had finally decided to give up. This baby died from Edwards at 16 weeks. In the play-ground at school, dozens of mothers came up to me to say how sorry they were and about their mc.

A lot of mums also told me how they had finally fallen pregnant in their 40s, felt they had greater fertility and better luck.

I am now 8 weeks pregnant. I am finding it difficult to be enthusiastic. The consultant said I had a 1% chance of Edwards and 1% for Downs. That means a 99% change of having a healthy baby. These are the only statistics that interest me.

I'm not enthusiastic because it is too soon since the last baby died. I think there is some consulation in getting pregnant quickly as obviously you don't have to worry you're time is running out, however, you will probably feel guilt and renewed sorrow over the loss of your last baby. 16 weeks was quite late, perhaps having an early mc will not generate such intense emotions when you fall pregnant again.

I'm a great believer in sharing my problems with my dh - if I have to suffer, so does he.

I recently read that mothers who have babies in their 40s live longer. The body ensures you're around longer to look after your children, so there are compensations for being an older mum.

Good luck and all the best.

fruitbowl Sat 12-Jul-08 22:28:01

I really empathised with so much written on this thread so am "bumping" it.

I'm wondering how you ladies are getting on. Nonickname did you miscarry naturally in the end? How are you doing?

I too am in my 40s (40) and have just had a MMC and would like to TTC again but I agree it's v scarey with the stats.

If anyone is still around or anyone new falls into this category, I'd definitely be up for chatting and moral support. I know there's another TTC thread for over 40s but I wanted to say hi again to you ladies too.

Hope you're taking care of yourselves x

daisy5 Thu 17-Jul-08 21:29:43

Thanks fruitbowl. How long have you been ttc since your miscarrriage?

I am just thinking about starting to conceive again. I want to be happy, healthy and fearless but feel exhausted and downtrodden!!!

evenhope Sat 19-Jul-08 11:54:54

I had 4 children in my 20s. The first one took us 18 mo to conceive, the others about 7 mo.

I got pg unexpectedly after just one act of unprotected sex very early in my cycle at the age of 42. Sadly had a mmc at 11 weeks in Aug 2005, followed by ERPC.

We hadn't planned on having a late baby but after weeks of planning decided we actually liked the idea and decided to try again. Less than 3 mo after making that decision I was pg again. Another mmc at 7 weeks (and another ERPC) made me despondant and depressed, esp as it happened around the due date (March) of the first conception.

DH said no more, he didn't think it was fair and it obviously wasn't meant to be. We didn't actually have sex at all after that until June, for one reason or another, and in July I found I was pg.

This time I didn't get excited or make any plans. We just waited for the 12 wk scan. I did see a mw but told her the history and said I was expecting another mmc.

Went along for the nuchal scan. There on the screen was a baby! We were both so shocked we thought it must be a video of the previous woman's scan! The radiologist must have thought we were both mad.

1 year and 2 days after the "original" due date our DD was born by CS. I was 43. I turned 44 2 mo after she was born.

Incidentally I researched all that miscarriage rate stuff and the risk doesn't reach 50% until you hit 45.

There are lots of mums on this site who have had healthy babies after 40- even as late as 46. 40 doesn't necessarily mean the end.

Doris10 Mon 21-Jul-08 16:46:11

I had my daughter at 39 (almost 40), after IVF treatment and a frozen embryo transfer. I'd suffered hyperstimulation which was the scariest thing that's ever happened to me but the transfer went like a dream as did my pregnancy. I desperately want her to have a sibling and if not I feel I've failed her as she's now 3 and is asking for a 'pink' sister. I had another IVF treatment and this time got a kidney infection which meant it didn't work but I've had two further frozen embryo transfers and the last one was twins which I've just miscarried at 7 weeks. It was three weeks of hell as all the signs were positive but I kept bleeding and then last Thursday I was faced with the blank screen. I've now used all my frozen embryos. I so want another child but can't go through the IVF again at 42. I want to have one last try at conceiving naturally so please keep your fingers crossed for me. It's helped so much reading your experiences and knowing that I'm not alone. sad

fruitbowl Mon 21-Jul-08 23:19:08

Hi again Daisy5 - how are you doing? Erm we haven't started TTC yet blush. It's been a long drawn out recvovery from the D&C emotionally and physically. Had a Group B Strep infection in my uterus after the op so only just stopped bleeding about 6 weeks later, Nightmare (sorry if TMI). I had to have a swab taken with a speculum to diagnose the infection and the pain was like nothing I've ever felt so sort of put me of BDing for a while. And also haven't had my AF yet so goodness knows what my cycle's doing. Sorry long answer eh? Let's try and be happy and fearless together! Good luck x

evenhope (what a great name!) I nearly cried when I read your post. What an amazing story. I'm sorry for your MMCs - how heartbreaking. But so glad you had your lovely DD. LOL at your disbelief at the scan! Thanks for sharing your story and giving us hope.

Oh Doris - I'm so sorry about your losses - you've been through a lot. My god doesn't it tug on your heart strings when they're asking for a baby brother or sister. Good luck with TTC, we're rooting for you!

daisy5 Tue 29-Jul-08 11:19:04

Hi Fruitbowl,

I haven't started trying again. I thought it seemed wise to wait one month as it was so exhausting emotionally. And now we are moving house this month, so I am going to wait until next month (although ovulating right now and it is terribly tempting to try). So next month it's all go.

We have had no time for a holiday - we didn't want to go when I was pregnant after problems in Spain the first time I was pregnant (threatened miscarriage and not coping with the heat in early pregnancy). And now we are moving house and are broke!

We really could do with a big 'pick me up' and tonnes of rest and sun before starting again, but the excitement over the new house (new town!) will have to refresh us.

My heart goes out to you with the unpredictability of your AF and the infection. I guess you need to feel strong and healthy first. I was lucky, I just bled for two days!! But loosing most of my womb in 2 hours was truly frightening. The experience will always be disturbing in one way or another won't it?

Evenhope - I loved your story - your daughter must seem like a little miracle. Thanks for the note about statistics. My doctor reckons I have 66% chance of the next pregnancy being fine.

Doris - I am so sorry - I had my first daughter at 39 too. I have a friend with two children conceived by IVF and she had three rounds (5years) before success. Have they really looked hard into why you are not conceiving naturally? I read an interesting article lately in Grazia about how to change your diet and lifestyle to have more chance of conceiving which was quite interesting, but I really don't know much about this. Good luck and I wish you all the best in the world.

fruitbowl Fri 01-Aug-08 10:25:02

Daisy5 good luck with the house move. Let us know how it goes. Do you hang out on any other TTC threads? Seems kind of quiet round here!!

daisy5 Wed 13-Aug-08 08:47:28

Am still exhausted, except now because of the house move. We are still staying up till midnight building furniture, and by day I am cleaning the apartment we rented in the interim. Naturally living out of boxes, and bd'ing impossible due to physical incapability!! Hopefully in a fortnight things will come together a bit more.

When online I tend to head for TTC for fabulous 40's. Hope to see you there sometime fruitbowl.

Lucycb70 Thu 02-Sep-10 19:59:05

I’ve just turned 40 this month and have one DD aged 15 months. She was conceived the first time we actively tried. Then I had a MMC in January, again conceived very quickly after first time trying. We have been TTC baby no.2 since March and so far nothing. All seems to be working ok; I ovulate regularly and have had many ultra sounds which show that all looks good each month.

My gyne is not helping matters though. He keeps telling me it's most probably my 'ovarian reserve diminishing' as I am 40 and that I should do IVF as it's most likely the only way I can try to get pregnant. He said all this after I had my FSH, LH, Oestrogen and AMH tested. I've been to see a homeopath too for a second opinion as the gyne made me feel so low and depressed. The homeopath said my blood tests results are 'perfectly normal' for my age and really nothing to start worrying about. He did say that I am too stressed (very hard not to be when gyne keeps telling me my eggs are nearly past it!). I am now about to start acupuncture and am on some anti-stress homeo tablets.

It's all sooooo confusing as every day I now torment myself with wondering what to do for the best. There is one half of me saying we should just do IVF straight away as time is running out (although it's so massively expensive and the thought makes me shudder) and the other half is saying stop stressing and keep trying naturally for a bit. I am a person that believes in my self and my body and until the gyne started telling me how rubbish my blood tests results were I was really quite upbeat and positive!

I've gained a lot of positivity from reading these posts so thank you. It's just a relief to feel not alone in this and to be able to share these feelings of what has become sheer panic.

mslucy Thu 02-Sep-10 20:49:58

Hello Lucy.
We are almost twins (was 40 in Aug)
I had an MC a month ago (just before my 40th)

I've just done 3 pg tests - all +ve. Thought it might be old hormones but levels obv rising (negative digital test tues and +ve one today).

If you've not had trouble in the past, why do you need IVF? I had terrible trouble conceiving DS2 - took 2 years and IUI - and have become PG twice this summer. I genuinely believe fertility is quite random. I also think desperately wanting to be pregnant - as I did myself - doesn't help.

I'm not going to tell you to relax as I am not that patronising. But find a project to inspire you - anything from home improvements, part time work, a college course, a community group etc etc - and you will feel much better.

re: hormone levels. These are variable and what you saw are a snapshot on one day. You have a very young baby and have recently had a mc. go easy on yourself.

hairytriangle Thu 02-Sep-10 21:41:34

Hi Daisy. Just wanted to say I'm so sorry. I am over forty and had my first pregnancy and first MC (well, ectopic actually) so just wanted to give you a hug, as I have all the same questions as you do.

Lucycb70 Fri 03-Sep-10 07:32:03

Thank you so much Lucy, your words really helped. It's so hard to not get in a tizzy when doctors are giving confusing and contradictory messages. I hear you when you say 'get busy' though and am on that path now.
Thank you again, it really helped.

cathy1969 Wed 08-Sep-10 07:38:59

Just reading all the recent posts as I have had a similar story re age and MC but equally have positive encouragment.. Prior to my MC last month where I went for my 12wk scan and found baby had died in prior 24 hours or so, I have had 2 healthy babies when I was 37 and then again at 38, 2 months short of being 39. Both times conceived 1st time trying. So there is hope for older mums! This time slightly different, I tried for 4 months and then fell pregnant just as I'd given up and gone on holiday (shows that not stressing about it helps) . Unfortunately I lost it as 12 weeks as mentioned. I am now approaching 41 but not planning IVF or anything. Just think at this age you have to be positive and keep going. (I'm lucky to have my 2 but really really want 3!) My grandmother had 6 children and one of those in her very late 30's and her last one at about 42, almost 43. It can be done! Taken some encouragement from the messages I read though as I have felt quite down recently, understandably..

Pinkchampagne Thu 09-Sep-10 16:21:05

So sorry to hear of your loss, daisy.

I am 37 (nearly 38), so not over 40 but the wrong end of 30, and earlier in the year I found myself pregnant.
I can so identify with your feelings that all would not be well in your pregnancy. I felt just like this. I had pregnancy symptoms, but something inside me was telling me all would not be well. I couldn't focus past the scan & kept saying "let's just see if there is something in there", as I had a strong sense that I would not see the image of my baby wriggling around on the screen.
I went for my scan & my fears were confirmed - my baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks 6 days.sad

I am now really worried about getting pregnant & going through it again. It has been so tough to get through this & I am not sure I could face the prospect of going through the whole horrible experience again. DP feels the same & is pulling back on any talk of TTC atm (even though this would have been his first child), yet at the same time I yearn so badly for his baby now. I really don't know what to do.

Not a very helpful post, but just wanted to let you know I could totally empathise with how you are feeling.

saralim Fri 15-Oct-10 15:29:28

Hi all, it is so reassuring to read about so many people in a similar situation to me.

I conceived my DD at 38 with no probs and had a completely normal pregnancy. Then last Jan, aged 40, I miscarried at 7 weeks and am now having a second miscarriage. I thought I was 11 weeks pregnant and almost there but I started to bleed and the scan showed the baby had probably stopped growing at 6 weeks. I was convinced all was well because I had been feeling sick etc.

I am so so grateful for the gorgeous 2.5 yr old I have but we really wanted her to have a little pal to play with and now I'm thinking we might have to get used to having an only child. I know our ages are against us but I am thinking of one more try. I seem to be able to get pregnant, I just can't make a healthy baby. It is such a shock when first time round was so straightforward.

I also look at families out together in search of only children and also when I read magazine articles calculate how old a mother was on the birth of her children.

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