Am so sad and miserable...

[beakas]

Came out of hospital just over a week ago now after going for a scan at 16 weeks and finding no heart beat. First baby for us, we tried for so long and I just feel like my heart is going to break. Have had days where I think I'm fine but there seem to be pregnant ladies EVERYWHERE! and that just sets me off again...maybe I came back to work too soon, I don't know. Have also been told am being made redundant at end of June. Everyhing is going wrong. Have a fabulous husband who is being great, and lots of support from family but I still feel so alone.I just can't believe it happened so late..thought once I had got the first 12 weeks over with it would all be ok...

[cheesesarnie]

ive no experience of what your going through and im sure cant even begin to imagine.but i didnt want to ignore you.hopefully someone who can help will be along in a bit.
im so sorry

[cheesesarnie]

bump

[TheUnsinkableMB]

So Sorry Beakas.

[WowOoo]

That's so horrible for you. I've noticed pregnant ladies everywhere and it is just so unfair. Perhaps you have gone back to work too soon? If you were off though would you just dwell on things alone though?
I've only had a very early miscarriage a long time ago so cannot appreciate how horrid it must be. Very sorry. Try to take it easy and treat yourself if you can.

[Charliesmum22]

I'm so sorry too for what you're going through. I've just had a mc this week at 8 weeks pregnant and that's bad enough. Maybe you have gone back to work too soon - I've been signed off for 3 weeks and am very grateful as I'm in tears most of the time. I really think you need time to grieve. Can you have more time off?
I'm so sorry that you're being made redundant too, what an awful time you are going through. Things will get better for you, you have to believe that, and maybe you do need some time out to make yourself a bit stronger for when you go out and face the world again.
I know how sad it is to lose a baby, and I am thinking of you and sending you a hug x

[sugr]

beakas, was on the same antenatal thread as you and with the same due date. Found out last Tuesday that there was no heartbeat and the shock realisation that after six years of waiting everything had gone wrong.

Like you I have a great DH but we made the decision to lock ourselves away for three weeks so that we could cry when needed, spend time with each other and do some fun things even though I end up sitting in nice restaurants for lunch with sun glasses on. I don't want to have to think about other people's feelings, this is me time, time to grieve properly for our baby and all our plans.

Everything still hurts but I know that it will get better and am waiting it out (I just don't need other people telling me that!)

Maybe you should try and get some more time off work, I am sure they will understand, if not, then tough...think of yourself and get a doctors note.

We have also done all the things that will make us cry, such as put the maternity clothes that I had just cut all the labels off into the loft (I'm thinking positively) and put a recent photo of me taken when I was pregnant into a frame with the scan photos hidden behind.

I am not trying to forget our baby, just to find a way to move forward and allow us as a couple to continue to talk about what could have been as well as what might be in the future.

Thinking of you at this really difficult time.

[joanie1]

Saw your post this morning beakas and just wanted to say hi and add my support. Not sure if I can add much more after sugr's post which is lovely and captures most of what I would have wanted to say.

Our DD (and first child) was stillborn at full term 4 months ago. We took 6 weeks and just shut ourselves away to grieve quietly together and at the end of it found ourselves stronger and closer than ever. After that our biggest source of strength came from those around us - our friends and family surrounded us and gently began to ease us back into life a day at a time.

It can be difficult to find the right balance in returning to work. Going back too early can be traumatic (especially if others knew of your pregnancy) but drifting around the house can also have a negative effect. All in all, if work are making you redundant STUFF THEM!

Sugr, thank you for the beautiful picture idea. Haven't been able to look at photos of my pregnancy or scan photos just yet but when I do I will be stealing your wonderful idea.

Beakas, my thoughts are with you. x

[beakas]

Thankyou so much all of you, am crying as I read all of your messages, but good tears in a way. It does help that other people know what we'r going through, despite the tragic circumstances.
Sugr, I remember us being on the same thread. I had no idea that you had been through the same thing, I am so terribly sorry. I found a pair of my maternity trousers yesterday morning when I was trying to get dressed for work and that set me off again. I like your photo idea as well. I think I may have to parcel a few things up and take them to my parents house for a while.
I find myself swinging from wanting to tell everyone to get lost and leave me alone, to wanting to talk about our baby and wondering why people are avoiding me. I guess hormones are all over the place.
Joanie1- my god, what you must have been through..I can't imagine your pain and heartache. Life is just so shitty sometimes. Did you get offered counselling or anything?I'm so sorry for you both.
Charliesmum- am hugging you back. Have never had so many lovely hugs in my life. They do work though, if only for a little while. Hang in there.All of you. All of us.Thankyou.x

[nandos]

beakas, i just read your message today and would like to say im very sorry for your loss... (hugss)xx
dont be too hard on yourself and take a lot of rest.
charliesmums- am very sorry for your loss too (hugss)
i dont know what else to say cos' i myself am going through similar experience as you but difference is my 6-week old embryo decided to grow when we are actually supposed to go for d&c next week cos' last week the sonographer found a 5-wk sac when i know i should be 10wks by then.
the future looks bleak for me n baby but im in self-denial right now
thinking of all of you in this very difficult n painful time..

[beakas]

Hey Nandos, thankyou- just take care of yourself as best you can. Hope you've got support around you.I think self denial is probably something most of us have been through, only natural I guess.
Thinking of you, please look after yourself and let me know if you want to chat.x

[WrongSideOfTwenty]

I am so sorry for your loss I have not been through it myself so can't offer any advice, just wanted to say my thoughts are with you.

[beakas]

am now at the wanting to smash things stage...(my bosses' face, etc.)

[beakas]

You might be right, shall stick to cushions for now..will wait until I've found a new job before turning on him...

[nandos]

hi everyone..
just got back from the hosp. my pregnancy is no longer viable unfortunately n im starting to bleed..
i am a little sad abt my loss but glad its all over cos' the waiting is too hard on me to bear.
i just find it a bit difficult cos' dh is not comforting me during this time cos' maybe he doesnt understand but that is enough to make me v.sad
i guess it will be alright over time..

beakas, do take it easy ..it doesnt do u any good by punching your boss's face

[Charliesmum22]

nandos was just on the due Dec 08 thread and read about your sad news. I'm so sorry. As you say, at least the waiting is over. I know how you feel - when we had our awful news last Monday I felt a certain amount of relief that we finally had an answer after a few weeks of uncertainty.

Re DH, it must be very hard on you that he's not comforting you at the moment. It is a very difficult time for both of you, and maybe he's just not dealing with it well enough to see how much support you need.

I will keep checking for any posts you leave in case you need to chat...

beakas really hope you're hanging in there. How are you doing?

[sue1911]

Just wanted to offer all of you going through this tough time my sympathy and to say that 'it does get easier' (hate that quote) but you all need to take time out for yourselves. Do whatever you feel best, talk about your babies. although they never drew a breath they were still real inside you.
Thats why this site is so important at times like this. i wish i'd had the support that you all give each other as only someone who has been through it can truely appreciate the devastion that arises from the loss.

Lost my twins 17yrs ago @ 15.5wks and was devastated at the time.
The feelings of anger, grief, dispair and self blame (in some cases) are all perfectly normal.
Now have DD aged 11 but still have ultra sound scan (in a photo album), of my twins taken the week before i lost them and wouldnt part with it for anything.

at times like this work and commitments fade into the background and you & your other halves are what matter.

My H (now ex) said at the time that he had found the fact that i had to go through labour for nothing the hardest thing for him to deal with and felt at a complete loss for how to support me whilst grieving himself. Perhaps nandos you DH is struggling but deals with it by shutting off (please dont be offended if i'm wrong)

sympathy and hugs to you all.

[nandos]

sue1911, after sharing your story with us, i feel like my loss is nothing compared to your twins it must be really hard on you.
i feel it happens for a reason but everyone deals with it in a different way.
as for my dh..he came to the room today and hugged me..i've been crying after we came back home ..feeling much better after that.

charliesmum, how are you coping right now?

[Charliesmum22]

Hi nandos, glad things are better with dh. I'm okay, but the last week has been just horrible, and I hope we never have to go through this again. Found the worst couple of days were the ones after the D&C, which I wasn't expecting. Thought things might have been a bit easier after that. Even though I'm just as sad about what has happened I feel like part of my brain can start coping with other things now, just a little bit at a time. For the last week I haven't been able to contemplate thinking about anything other than the baby we will never meet. I am feeling a bit more positive about things, but I have this sadness inside me that maybe will never go away.

How are you doing today? Did you manage to get much sleep last night?

sue1911 your message made me cry. I can't believe what you've been through. It must've been so very hard for you, and I'm so sorry that you lost your twins. You're right about this site - I feel like it has been my lifeline for the past few weeks!

I forgot to say hi to sugr in my post last night, I am so sorry too for what you're going through and I'm thinking of you x

[Charliesmum22]

joanie1 - I just can't imagine what you must have been through. How absolutely heartbroken you must be. I am so, so sorry and my thoughts are with you and your husband.

[nandos]

charliesmum, i feel better today and had a relatively good night sleep. i find that the worst couple of days was while waiting to confirm whether my pregnancy was viable or not. it made me think so hard that i have headaches.it took a wk to confirm and by that time i became a bit sick to my stomach thinking too much 'what if's.
joanie- im sorry for your loss too hope you are coping a bit better now.
sugr- i know how u feel after waiting for 6 yrs for this pregnancy n then everything goes wrong .. me n dh have been trying for 3 yrs and had 2 mc so far and its heartbreaking.
we dont know how long we going to have a healthy born baby but hope we (all of us in misc section)will have soon ..
im sorry to some of you cos' im used to my habit of skipping some msg and going right to the last msgs thats why i may have missed a few.