Finding it hard to cope after miscarriage and breakup

(5 Posts)
clare2016 Sun 13-Nov-16 10:17:13

Hey guys, I thought talking to others who may be in a similar situation may help, so here goes..
In April this year I found out I was pregnant, although it wasn't planned, myself and my partner were so happy. Then in late May I started bleeding slightly. I went down to the hospital for an internal scan where it was diagnosed as a missed miscarriage. The way they described it was that my body hadn't realised that I'd misscarried yet, and they told me they weren't sure when I'd eventually miscarry but it would probably be within the next few weeks. For the next 3 weeks I didn't leave the house as I was so scared it would happen whilst I was out. I because very depressed during those weeks, just waiting to miscarry. When it eventually happened, although it was an awful experience, it was almost a relief in a way. I could now go back to work and get my life back on track. It's now been 6 months since that happened, and I'm still not over it. I think about it every day and it upsets me so much. To make matters worse me and my partner (we were together for 5 years) are no longer together. It was his choice to end it, he was finding it difficult to cope after the miscarriage too, and with the stresses of work it had had an impact on our relationship.
I just feel so low and sad, I've lost my partner and baby. I was hopeful that after the miscarriage we would try again, but now all hope for that is lost. My partner just doesn't seem to care about me anymore.
Sorry I don't mean to ramble on, but any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks smile

Dinnerout1 Sun 13-Nov-16 22:25:14

I'm really sorry for what's happened to you and miscarrying your baby and losing your partner as well.
I had the same experience years ago and at the time it's devastating because it's so fresh. In time your heal and move on and for some reason the feelings and emotions stay with females longer than it does for blokes. As I look back I do actually feel very fortunate that my bloke left me in my time of need and distress as I now know he wasn't for me and maybe it wasn't the right time to have the baby with this particular Bloke. I still remember the date I miscarried but I don't wonder about anything else because it wasn't meant to be. I used to wonder in the early stages if the baby survived would the bloke stayed.. Nope he wouldn't of and I would have had to cope with a baby by myself and the baby wouldn't have a father or the father wouldn't be interested. I'm now married, been inlove for years, have a child and another one on the way. Life is amazing and I feel blessed. You don't ever have to forget, it was your baby but you will move on and you will find someone who loves you dearly and wants children with you. X

Georgiarose95 Sun 13-Nov-16 23:43:31

I am going through a similar situation as you lost my baby when I was 6months pregnant but unlike you was never with the father. I think sometimes men need time to deal with things on their own and they push you away because of it. It has nothing whatsoever to do with you, so don't blame yourself!

Ask him if he would like to meet up sometime to go for food or something that you used to do to spend time together before you were pregnant. This way you can spend time together and make him remember all those good times you had before the hard times.. You never know what could happensmile hope all goes well! XX

Thingymaboob Mon 14-Nov-16 18:26:57

I know it feels hard now but I really believe things happen for a reason.
I was with someone and we had a horrible break up.
I was devastated. He told me he never really loved me.
I was so upset, begged him to come back and in a really depressed mad moment I quit my job and joined the ambulance service in another city. It was a very impulsive move. That was 8 years ago and now I have a lovely husband and feel very lucky despite only just suffering with a mc myself. I know that other bloke would have been awful. However, my current husband has been amazing. No one deserves to be treated like that. Cut yourself off from him! No good can come of it.

clare2016 Mon 14-Nov-16 18:50:16

Thank you so much guys, I really appreciate your kind words and advice. And I'm sorry to hear you've suffered losses yourselves.
I know it may sound silly but all I can think of is that I will not be having a baby anytime soon, now that we're not together.
I think I just need to accept that it is finally over between us, and then I can try moving on with my life.
I am seeing a therapist tomorrow, so hoping that will help.

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