Advice for partners etc on how to support someone?

(7 Posts)
ANiceSliceOfCake Fri 23-Sep-16 04:44:30

I'm currently having my second miscarriage, I'm doing ok all things considered, but what I have found hard is trying to guide my husband in how to support me. For the record he's a lovely kind man, but he openly admits he doesn't know what to do or say to me. He's from a 'bottle it up' type of family and finds it hard to discuss feelings.

He's very practical and will talk about us trying again and looking to the future etc, but just can't support me in the here and now.

I've tried to guide him but that's not really helping as I shouldn't have to effectively be my own support.

Is there a 'guide' or anything on what to say, what helps etc for partners?

grandmainmypocket Fri 23-Sep-16 22:50:03

I'm really sorry you're experiencing a miscarriage. I don't have words of advice but I've heard of an organisation which provide support for woman who miscarry and their families. It was Tommy something or other I think.
Take care of yourself.

StillCounting123 Sat 24-Sep-16 10:27:14

OP, sorry to hear of your losses.

I lost a baby in June, so I understand a bit what you're saying.

For me, I just wanted my DH to let me cry, rant, fret. I wanted him to be quiet and just hug me.

I found it very hard if he said, "miscarriage won't happen again." Or things like, "you'll get pregnant soon." As I felt that put too much pressure on me.

An acknowledgement that we weren't on our own, had each other and that miscarriage is sadly rife made me feel comforted.

jpeg28 Sat 24-Sep-16 10:32:46

I'm so sorry for your loss.

When I had a MC in March my OH found it hard to know what to do. For me I liked being left alone but I also got annoyed if he ever said things like "least we got pregnant"! I appreciated it when he did jobs around the house so I didn't have to, and occasionally let me sleep alone in our bed just so I could be by myself. Sometimes he would get annoyed that I wasn't telling him how I was feeling. It's like I had to spell it out to him! It's a horrible time and no one except you knows how you're feeling. That's why it's so hard for men! I hope you recover quickly, take as much time to rest as you can.

ANiceSliceOfCake Sat 24-Sep-16 22:22:17

Thank you for your kind words. I know there isn't an easy answer, I'm usually the one who supports everyone else, I guess I just find it hard when people don't know what to say or do. It's like there should be a simple list of what may help and what not to say! Ie. Don't just say nothing atall, a simple text in the day to say hope you are ok. Im not asking for much.

I may write my own guide.

bananafish81 Sun 25-Sep-16 20:31:37

So sorry for your loss - I found out about our second miscarriage on Friday too. Thinking of you and your partner flowers

The miscarriage association leaflets aren't bad, maybe worth a pointer?

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/wp/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Someone-You-Know-May-11.pdf

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/wp/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Men-miscarriage-T-Oct-10.pdf

grandmainmypocket Sun 25-Sep-16 21:33:45

OP a colleague I trained with wrote a blog about her experience and what to do and what not to say. If I can find a link I'll put it on here but it wasn't for partners but for friends and families.

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