Miscarriage at 44

[MsBear44]

Hi, i'm pretty new here, was only a couple of weeks ago I was posting excitedly on pregnancy threads and now in on MC ones :( My miscarriage started at 7 weeks on Sunday and yesterday a scan confirmed my fears. I just feel so numb at the moment, and feel at 44 i'm running out of time. I have 3 children 20, 18 and 17 to my ex husband. However we split 11 years ago and it has taken me that time to find someone I want a baby with. My current partner had had a vasectomy so he had a reversal, costing us nearly £3000 in all. We found out 7 months after his op that I was expecting and were delighted. My main concern now is do we keep trying or is my age against us and I will just face this heartbreak again? Breaks my heart to think we may not have a baby together and wondered if anyone else has had similar MC experiences in there 40s and have they had any success stories afterwards. Much love to all xxx

[Drycleanonly7]

Hello Ms Bear,

I am sorry you have had to go through this. I posted here too (but sadly no-one answered my question...yet).

I am 43 and had a miscarriage. Twins, one died at 6 weeks and one died at 8. We are trying for a second baby. We only met in our late 30s.

It can and does happen and all ends well; but as I am sure you know we are high risk.

I cannot give you a success story but I will let you know that we wish to keep trying. If we suffer another miscarriage though I am not sure if I can keep going after that happens again.

[MsBear44]

Hi Drycleanonly7

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. How long have you been trying for number 2 if you don't mind me asking? Do you have any children from earlier relationships? I had 3 straightforward pregnancies with my now grown up children, but I was in my 20's then.

My partner wants to give it one more try then call it a day. He has 5 children from 2 previous partners. His first wife died then he went on to have 2 more with a second partner. His children are all grown up too as he is 46.

Whats hit me is how lonely this all feels, he has to work long hours so i's sitting at home with too much time on my hands perhaps!! Hopefully I will be able to return to work next week. Much love and luck to you, and thanks again for replying x

[Drycleanonly7]

Hi MsBear,

It does feel lonely. I am contemplating counselling as I am so sad about it all. Particularly as my local friends are pregnant at the same time as I was (they still are) and I can't face seeing them yet. They are much younger than me.

I only have one young son. We haven't been trying for number two long. Since June this year.

I hope it goes ok for you at work. It is a bit of a distraction away from it all.x

[monkeytree]

Hi,
I'm so sorry you are both having to go through this loss, it's devastating.
I have 2 dd's and had a late miscarriage in 2015. DD2 was a miracle child; I was told I was unlikely to have any more children but had DD jus before I turned 40. Then, I got pregnant again at 41 (on the back of breastfeeding, most likely) but lost my ds at 20 weeks. I am haunted by the fact that this was probably my last pregnancy and I have ended my reproductive years with such devastation. The stakes are definitely higher having a loss in your 40's, it's not so easy just to 'have another' baby and I do envy others who go on to have their rainbow child ( I guess this was once me). So often, I have lamented how I wished I hadn't become pregnant a third time. The grief is persistent, mixed in with little hope, I continually feel someone is missing from our family Instead of being content with my 2 dd's. I don't have any answers, I'm working through this myself, unfortunately it has made me feel bitter and quite withdrawn. I still have the highs and lows of hope each month but after 16 months, it just isn't happening and I am left with a sense of failure. I'm glad that most of my friends are older so I'm not likely to be baby bombed, this would be just awful as I fear jealousy would get in the way of our friendship. Ironically one of my good friends has 2 dd's and her dh has just had a vasectomy, it makes it very obvious we are in different places. I struggle to get my head around those preventing pregnancies when it is so much at the forefront of my mind. I hope there are some positive stories out there and someone will come along soon. I think being older with time against you, makes a lonely situation even lonelier. I sit on the cusp of those ttc but I am more suitably placed with those wanting but not able to have more children. I don't know anyone in real life who has been or who is in the same situation: over 40, with dc's, wanting another Dc following miscarriage but unlikely to conceive again and so this makes it all the more lonelier. Sorry, I haven't anything positive to add but wanted you to know you aren't alone.