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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Partner pregnant thru IVF.... Long story lots of questions

20 replies

Chemistria · 03/09/2016 21:52

Hi

Every time I use mumsnet I find the replies honest and helpful , I usually post on the "other" site but my girlfriend also uses that and I don't want her to see what I'm thinking and worrying about.

This is a long story so I'll try to keep it brief as possible, just looking for advice I guess .... Or just someone to talk to.

Been together 5 years, have 1 son who I carried. Girlfriend (let's call her L) has always wanted to also experience pregnancy and have her own biological child.

She had a blighted ovum over a year ago, I posted on here then and had some great replies. It was hard but she kept a lot of it to herself and is outwardly strong but I realised after a few months it had been incredibly hard for her (which I know sounds obvious but she can act so strong sometimes I forget she's vulnerable too)

After that we continued trying for her to conceive, using different donors and finally started IVF treatment last year. She had embies frozen with one clinic and donated her eggs at the same time , she wasn't ready to have the embies put back in at that point.

FF to this year, the donor I used for our son is her brother and he said he was moving quite far away and as I knew I wanted to carry another child one day, we (me and L) decided I should try again for a sibling for our son before her bro moved away. I was incredibly lucky to catch first time and am now 21 weeks pregnant.

(This might sound a bit mental now) but i could see much as she is happy for me / us she was struggling with the fact it wasn't her to be going to scans etc , I said to her if she wanted to have the embies back in at any point I'd support her and I think we could cope (financially, emotionally etc) I know it would be hell of a challenge but we know we want more children, the age gap doesn't scare either of us.

(Trying to keep this short as poss)

So she had 2 embies transferred in August. We were ecstatic when she got BfP on 17th but now it seems to be going wrong and I'm completely heartbroken for her as I can see how absolutely terrified she is that she's losing it.

She started bleeding a week ago, a bit of brown blood. For 2 days. We rang the clinic and she went in 2 days apart for blood tests to test HCG level. She was 5w 2 days and HCG was 13500 which is high (for that gestation) . 2 days later it was 18500. Which obviously wasn't anywhere near double. The nurse said prepare for MC and also gave us the signs to watch for ectopic. Heard this on the way to work and we both cried.... This was yesterday. Then I rang back and asked if we could bring the scan forward to yesterday instead of monday.

We went, and low and behold there was a sac, yolk, fetal pole and the finest heartbeat.

The doctor said it was likely she'd had twins but lost one which was why she bled last monday. But they couldn't be sure. They came up with that hypothesis because of her initial HCG level.

This evening she's started having stringy brown stuff. She said she feels like it's doomed now. I desperately need to be strong for her but again I feel like I don't know how to be the best I can for her, I'm hormonal myself and terrified for her, how this is going to affect her.

Do we have hope .... We saw a heartbeat yesterday. :,( she's on progesterone 4 times a day and oestrogen , I've read the pessaries can cause bleeding but am I just clinging to hope.

We've got our precious little baby that I'm carrying due next year but in our hearts and heads we'd made space for this other tiny miracle joining soon after.

Feel like that was the longest essay ever.

I know this might seem crazy but that's just our life. I don't really know what I'm hoping to hear, does anyone think we should be optimistic?

Thanks in advance, for reading this if you managed to get to the end.

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Banana82 · 04/09/2016 19:32

Hello. I didn't want to leave your post unanswered. I'm sorry you are both going through this. I can only speak from experience. I have a DS who is 2 and I bled pretty much up to 20 weeks with him. Sometimes just brown spotting, other times bright red.

I had a miscarriage last month which was sudden large amounts of red blood. I never saw a heartbeat.

You've seen a heartbeat which is a good sign. It's such early days and can go either way. For now take heart that it's beating and just be there for her.

I'm very much like your partner and bottle things up. It's hard when you are pregnant yourself to have to deal with this as well. Try and stay positive for her and I wish you both all the best.