Newbie.. Pregnant after 5 miscarriages

[Yumbun26]

Hi I'm new here just wanting some one to talk to other than Hubby who gets nagged at over every little pain/worry!
I'm 26 have a 5 year old daughter and been trying for baby no2 for 3and a half years. I'm currently 7 weeks due 22nd April and cannot stop worrying!!
A bit about my pregnancies:
May 2011-First pregnancy was fine no complications at all. Natural birth a healthy 5 year old girl.
Jan 2013 - 1st miscarriage at 8 weeks.
May 2013 - 2nd at 7 week.
Oct 2013 - 3rd at 11 week
-referred to miscarriage clinic all tests can back normal. Can now have early scans. Took a break from trying to conceive for a year.
March 2015 - 4th at 9 week (twin pregnancy) d+c
Aug 2015 - 5th at 14 week (had to take tablets and 'give birth' to this one - baby had not formed all organs under chest outside of body)
I've self medicated 75mg aspirin with this one and the last as I believe that's what got me past 12 weeks last time although unfortunately baby had the body abnormalities which was a 1 in 20,000 chance.
Praying everything's ok with this one! It's taken nearly a year for us to conceive again as my periods were all over the place after the last loss. Any happy stories or advice would be lovely X

[purpleviolet1]

Hi yum bun, congratulations on your pregnancy and so very sorry to hear about your miscarriAges.

Feel free to join us on the posifrickentive thread if you are looking for ongoing support. Xx

[Netcurtainrummager]

Hi Bun,
My situation is very similar to yours.. I'm 6 and a half weeks now, due 27/04. I have a 6 year old girl and have been trying for number 2 for 4 years,having had 5 losses on the way. I have a ton of pregnancy symptoms but don't dare trust any of them! Early scan booked for a weeks time. How you doing?

[Yumbun26]

Hi it's nice in a way to know I'm not alone although I wouldn't wish miscarriage on anyone. Early scan booked this Thursday I'm very nervous. I've some symptoms sore boobs, sickly feeling in throat, tearful and tired but I don't trust them either. When I had my little girl I was sick all the way through and I was with the last baby up the14 week so because I'm not been sick I don't believe this one will make it. Trying to stay positive though! What symptoms do you have? Good luck for your scan! Xx

[Netcurtainrummager]

Yep, huge boobs, nausea, food aversions, mad since of smell, mood swings and very, very tearful. However I'm not trusting the symptoms as a) I'm on progesterone so think some of the symptoms might be exaggerated by that, and b) I had continued symptoms before with a MMC. Also think I'm probably trying to prevent myself getting excited about this pregnancy yet! I know what you mean about having a difference in symptoms from previous pregnancies, it's scary, but hopefully its just because every pregnancy is different! Best wishes and lots of luck for Thursday xx

[Yumbun26]

Aw wow your symptoms sound really good that's hopeful!! I know what you mean about having them after miscarrying though mine lasted a week after on 2 occasions. Did the hospital put you on progesterone? I've been taking 75mg aspirin I'm sure that got me further along with the last baby but who knows.
I'm stressing this week as had a bleed the other night (after sex sorry tmi) then had cramp the following day and some brown blood yesterday. It's all stopped now which is good but now I've got really bad lower back pain which is apparently a symptom of miscarriage?! I've never had it with my others but I'm worried! How after 5 miscarriages can you still not know wether you are or not?! It's crazy :(
And to top it off during school run this morning a mum asked when I'm having another :( drives me mad I never ask people anymore just in case xx

[Netcurtainrummager]

Honestly, people just don't think, do they ? If people catch me on a bad day now I tend to give them the full story, that tends to stop them asking again! Not tmi on the bleeding at all, been there in the past myself when I had my daughter, so take heart! Yes the hospital put me on progesterone - cyclogest pessaries. The miscarriage consultant at southend told us there is some empirical evidence to support it effectivness, and few drawback so worth a try. Hope your back pain eases up, and that all goes well tomorrow, will be crossing all my fingers and toes for you xxx

[Yumbun26]

Aww thank you I'm so nervous trying not to get my hopes up too much but want this so much. Had my little girl asking when she can have a baby sister last night broke my heart I didn't know what to say
I wish the hospital would put me on progesterone just to try it, all I get told is everything is normal and they've no idea why it's happening it's so frustrating when I had no problems with my first.
I bet you are counting down the days until your scan arnt you! So good to talk to someone who understands it's difficult to talk to my family and friends I get 'you should be greatful you have one child' a lot - which I totally am but in a way it's worse because you know what your missing. I don't want this to be the last time for all the milestones like watching my child learn to walk and ride a bike sorry for waffling I'm emotional tonight can you tell haha xx

[Netcurtainrummager]

Being emotional with such a big event like your scan coming up is very understandable! And as much as family are trying to help by being positive I feel just the same about my family's words, most especially my MIL. I always think it's so utterly impossible for anyone to really understand what RM is like without having been there so I wish they wouldn't try! Hoping it all went well / will do so today x

[Yumbun26]

Hello went for my scan earlier and once again nothing is ever straight forward. They couldn't find anything on scan so did an internal and found a sac and a tiny white dot inside but said it may or may not be a fetus. No heartbeat found. I should be 7w5d but measuring under 6 week as nothing found got another scan booked next Thursday but lost all hope. My last period started on 16th June it just doesn't add up to be that many weeks! It's so confusing all Ive done is cry all afternoon, went to work at 5 feeling a hug better burst into tears and now back home again. Hubby says this is last time he's had enough now xx

[Netcurtainrummager]

Oh sweetheart I'm so sorry. Hang on in there and give yourself plenty of time, you never know when not in the midst of it your hubs may feel differently, just make sure he knows now is not a time you can commit to such a tough conversation or decision. What you need now is time, plenty of hugs and all the sympathy in the world. IME my hubs - amazing though he is - has to be told, explicitly and often in the strongest of terms, to be super super nice
I tell him to expect nothing from me but neediness and moodiness, and the sooner he respects that the sooner I will be able to recover.

I had a similarly inconclusive but disparaging scan myself previously and I know what a hard week this will be for you, make sure that you get all the support you need. Still crossing my fingers for you, as I'm sure you are too xxxx

[Yumbun26]

Thank you so much for your kind words it means a lot it really does xx
Hubby said last time last time but after seeing baby (gave birth at 14 week) he changed his mind so not sure what will happen this time I suppose it depends on how well the next stage goes as the medical management didn't work for me (on my 4th) after 3 days of pain had surgical and hubby hated that . I just read and read on here it helps I'm not sure why but it's nice to know people understand and I'm not alone.
The only thing I'm holding onto is that 1) I thought there was no chance I could have fallen on this time as didn't have intercourse when I was ovulating (so may have got dates wrong) and 2) I didn't get a positive test until 10 days after my due on day.
It's horrible waiting isn't it, it feels like forever! This happened to me before with twins (3rd mc) had to keep going back because they could see a flicker but wasn't sure.
It's so frustrating xx

[Netcurtainrummager]

Sounds like maybe your cycle was a screwy one this time and that's the cause? I have always has dodgy cycles so my estimates are always very much ball park guesses until a scan. I remember being called back for my nuchal with my daughter some considerable time after the first appointment as the dates were so far away from what would normally have been expected.

Weve had something of a drama today, but ultimately good news. I had brown spotting this morning, so rung the EPU and was lucky to get a scan today rather than Monday. im only slightly less than I predicted at 6 and a half weeks (very unusual for me), and we have a heartbeat. hubs seems convinced that means everything will be fine now, and although I know it does make a big difference in theory I'm just not interested in getting excited yet as there's still a long way to go. going to book a private scan for a couple of weeks time- I can't imagine waiting any longer than that to check things are ok.

Holding out hope for you hun, and that this week's wait is filled with as much loving support and as little anxiety as possible for you. I know you'll have seen plenty of comments on how early scans can lead to unnecessary worry sometimes, that all babies grow at different rates, blah, blah.... Ultimately I just want to say that I understand that no matter how true words can't magic away the worries youre having right now, but you're very much not alone. Hope you're being thoroughly loved and spoilt all round x

[Yumbun26]

Aww that's great news 😊 It makes you more calm when you have seen a heart beat. Doesn't your hospital miscarriage clinic offer you 2 weekly scans? I went at 6,8,10 and 12 with my last pregnancy it kept me sane!
I thought maybe I'm behind with my periods been a mess but confused about how I could possibly be that far behind. I've had a scan at 6 weeks before and seen a blob and heartbeat but nothing this time. I suppose only time will tell. I'm trying to stay calm and not get too upset but just can't seem to hold it together. It doesn't help that I still have symptoms as I keep thinking its a cruel trick still feeling pregnant when I'm not xx

[jimijack]

Hi there.
I have everything crossed for you, so so hoping you have a lovely outcome.
For a dash of hope I'm similar to you ladies.

I had a 5 year old, 2 mcs before I got him, then 5 mcs over a 4 year period.
're occurring miscarriage clinic found nothing wrong other than the assumption of poor egg quality.

I had my last mc at 41, made the decision to stop due to our age.
Got the pill.
I was told to wait for day 1 of my next period.

Don't know about you all but I stopped writing down any dates, due dates got painful to face so I stopped after 3rd mc.
I was feeling really unwell so presumed I had retained products.
As they knew me well at epau I popped up there and asked them to scan me to check.
They told me I was 7 weeks pregnant.

As I had spent the previous 4/5 years continually miscarrying, or ttc (it took up to 18 months to get pregnant sometimes) I just shrugged and planned on getting the cocodamol and extra thick pads in for when it all went tits up.....which to my mind it was.
Here we go again I thought.

Anyhow, currently I have a sweaty little head snuggled up to me, sleepy and tired from digging for treasure on the beach all morning. I have a 3 year old & a strapping 13 year old.

After 7 miscarriages, I thought I would just have my precious only boy.........
All the very best to you all, I truly truly feel your pain.

[Yumbun26]

Hi Jimijack, thank you for taking your time to tell your story - it made me shed a tear. It's so nice that there's hope for us all.
I've heard a lot of story's where people have given up and then become pregnant. Every time I go to the hospital now I just feel hopeless like it doesn't matter if there is a heart beat at 6/8 weeks because come 12 there won't be anyway
Half of my family are telling me to give up because in their words 'I have a child and I should be greatful for her' and the other half say have a rest your only young (I'm 26) then try again in a few years. I suppose it's hard to know what to say they won't understand that I am totally greatful for my miricle baby but have always wanted more than one child and also that the hurt and emotions of waiting and then bringing it all back up again after a few years is going to be very hard on us all. It's just so hard to go through this again and again as you will know and be told nothing is wrong with you and you have carried a baby so you should be able to again! Xx

[jimijack]

Ahh yes, you have one, be grateful..that old chestnut!

These is something that drives you on though, I now feel that for 10 years I was wearing a blindfold, I was on a loop of ttc, anxiety at getting a positive, bleeding, bloods and scans, waiting then pain...then repeat.
It got so I no longer gave blood for hcg, no point, it gave me absolutely zero information of any use.
Once the pain & heavy bleeding started, I went to a&e as I always laboured, even at the 6/7/8 week losses, I needed gas & air and sometimes morphine as the pain was severe until I passed everything.
I would miscarry on the Friday & be back at work on the Monday, business as usual.
I actually had a routine!!
Family & friends would just comment "oh, again", I had to do it all alone essentially as I felt ashamed, embarrassed many times.

People can be awful.

[Yumbun26]

Aww that sounds awful can I ask you a question? Do you feel so much happier now you have had your second child? May sound like a strange question but for some reason I keep thinking what if I have another and I still feel like I want another or I still feel depressed and 'incomplete'. I read someone's post a few years back about that and every since it has worried me .
Sometimes I haven't told my family I'm pregnant in fact the first 3 miscarriages only me and hubby knew and in a way they were the easier ones not having to tell everyone I'm pregnant then I'm miscarrying again. And I know what you mean about having a routine it's like a roundabout, I've been so good at hiding my emotions every time so haven't needed much time off work. This time it's hitting me hard I've no idea why it's so bad this time (maybe because I've left it a year) I can't stop crying or thinking about how my little girl is never going to have a brother/sister to grow up with and how in a few years all this childhood stage will be gone no more Santa's coming, the tooth fairy etc. All over! It's so sad xx

[jimijack]

I do feel happier yes.
After 10 trying and desperately wanting a second child, weirdly I have found it almost impossible to get out of that mindset.
I have two healthy children, I don't need to look at pregnant women with envy or seeth inside when friends or colleagues announce their pregnancies very early with absolutely no consideration that it could go horribly wrong, presuming without even the smallest thought that they will be fine.

I'm 46, I'm finally here, I cannot have any more and that's that. But I now feel ok about that fact.

[jimijack]

A 10 year habit is hard to break..daft thing like I'm still on decaf everything, don't drink alcohol and take a multi vitamins with folic acid every day! Why???

[Yumbun26]

Oh I'm glad it's not only me that has felt like that. I find it hard to go to places like soft play areas where I know there's going to be pregnant women and lots of babies I also get a horrible feeling when people announce their pregnancies and am always complaining to hubby about how silly people are announcing them before 12 weeks! It must be hard breaking a 10 year habit we have been trying for baby no2 for 4 years now and I feel like my whole life has changed. I'm not sure how I will cope giving up trying at the moment life just looks like it's going to be a struggle rather than enjoyable in hoping that feeling will pass xx

[Netcurtainrummager]

Hi Hun, just wondered how things are going for you? Very best wishes for tomorrow x

[Yumbun26]

Hi Net, unfortunately I started bleeding in Saturday and lost baby on Monday .
I've had enough now I really have.
How are things going with you? Have you got another scan booked? Xx

[Netcurtainrummager]

Oh I'm so sorry Yum, how completely rubbish for you. I hope you're getting a good rest and lots of love and support. Do you work? Have you got some time off to deal with it all? I mean emotionally as much as anything else.

Yes I bent the midwife's ear yesterday and they will scan me in the community in two weeks time, which would be 9 weeks. Then I'd have another 3 weeks to wait til the next scan though, and that would be just before my girls bday, which i have previously MCed on, so have a morbid fear of that happening again. Mr Net has said if I want any private scans then go for it so I deffo will if they won't scan me again between the 9 and 12 week, and in considering booking one for early next week as I can feel worry starting to creep in again.

So sorry again, and hoping that when things have settled down again you can find some peace with all of this, whatever you decide to do next.

[Yumbun26]

Thank you I do work yes only part time had a few days off until pain stopped luckily it didn't last long. Emotionally I was so so bad for 2 days I couldn't stop crying. Thought I could handle it went into work and burst into tears. I've been ok since Monday (got the smiley mask up again) very good at hiding it. I even felt like I'm ready to move on now and stop trying. I speak in past tense as I've just come home from work to hubby telling me to brace myself as sister in law and cousin are both pregnant. my sister in law is 10 weeks meaning due same week as I was! I just burst into tears I should be happy for them but finding this out 4 days after I've lost another baby is killing me even hub has found it hard to deal with. I can't watch her belly grow each month, my dd getting really excited for her and feel happy I just can't handle it . This is the first time someone close to us has been pregnant in the last 4 years and it's so hard!
Aww that's good you can get the scans try not to worry (stupid saying that I know) I miscarriage just before dd's 3rd birthday it was horrible so I know what you mean. I have my fingers crossed for you I really do xxxx

[Netcurtainrummager]

Thanks Yum, that's really kind of you, and I hope things get easier. I know what you mean seeing someone else being pregnant, just feels so unfair, hopefully they'll understand enough to give you some space til you're ready x