missed miscarriage :(

(14 Posts)
0nceuponatime Wed 24-Aug-16 15:12:00

I had my dating yesterday.
I was nervous, because I was feeling normal, whereas with my other kids, I had been so sick form 6-8 wks but was reassured not every pregnancy is the same and it's entirely fine!
But it lurked in the back of my mind.
Last week i chatted with a midwife friend and relayed my concerns to her and she too said it should be fine, but then add, but you've been tired and had sore boobs right...my heart feel, because no, I was still staying up late and breastfeeding my one yr old was fine..
I told my husband i was worried it was a missed miscarriage and he tried to say it would be fine, but i said you need to listen to me, i don't think it actually will be!
I told the sonographer before she started i was concerned about this.
I should have been 10 wks and 4 days.
As soon as she put the doppler on my tummy I knew.
My husband said he was hit with a jolt too.
It looked like a black, empty cave in there, and i knew it shouldn't look like that.
She located the baby and measured it and it measured at 7 wks, 5 days, with no heartbeat.
It died the day my son broke his arm.
I have always said to myself that if this happens, it will be because the fetus is non-viable and it's for the best.
But it still sucks :/
We were so looking forwards to another little one.
My daughter sobbed and sobbed and sobbed her little heart out.
And I feel so sad, but I am glad that I somehow 'knew' before the scan, or it would have been the most terrible shock.
The night before the scan i read countless threads of women asking 'could this be a missed misvcarriage?' and all the replies from, 'I was worried about that too, and look at my bouncing toddler now' through to 'I was worried about that too, and the scan showed my baby has died.'
I eventually shut down the windows and went to sleep, as no matter ho says what, it doesn't change what is happening inside me unfortunately.

So here we are...
My baby died 3 wks ago and is still in there.
I kind of feel like I want to honour it's journey by letting it go in it's own time.
i feel like it will make it more traumatic to have it be something that needs medical or surgical intervention.
I feel like the natural miscarriage will feel like the completion of its life cycle, even though i now it has already passed.
But I don't know how long it will take and that bothers me.
I have no signs anything will happen anytime soon.
So I worry it may happen when i am out or somewhere i don't want to be.
And I want to be able to have another now.

Does anyone know if you can tell by a temp rise or fall if you are going to miscarry soon, you know like you can tell with ovulating or anything?

My daughter is also really bothered by the baby going down the toilet and i don't know the best way to handle that, if I should try to save something when it happens so we can bury it in the garden or just kind of say to her we won't be able to find the baby as it will just be alot of blood and thats just nature?

Banana82 Thu 25-Aug-16 13:47:55

Hello Oneuponatime. So sorry to read you are going through this pain. I had a MMC, my baby had died at about 8 weeks. I had to wait 3 weeks for an MVA (manual vacuum aspiration) and in that time I had some small bleeds but it didn't look like my baby was going to come away naturally. I was ready for the baby to come out so I could start to heal emotionally.

That was a week ago now and its still so raw. I was also told my a midwife that after my operation the baby would be cremated with other babies lost before 12 weeks and scattered in a local cemetaries SANDS garden. This helped me to decide to go with the medical procedure rather than medical management at home and having the baby go down he toilet.

How old is your daughter? Depends how old she is as to how you can explain things to her. Maybe she could plany a tree or a rose bush for her sibling. I am not sure if she will be confused if you tell her there is just lots of blood. I guess to her its an actual baby?

0nceuponatime Thu 25-Aug-16 20:24:06

So sorry to hear about your baby! :/
My daughter is 8...other boys are 10, 3 and 16 mths.
Today i went into the hospital to tell them I wanted a MVA.
Although I have homebirthed all my others etc, I just felt this was so not fair and if I had to cope with the emotional loss, i want to skip out on having to miscarry it.
I had no idea when it would start, no signs it would, and decided it felt for me easier to go in in the morning ,have it sorted, and heal from there...
That was THE ONLY CHOICE I got to make in this whole sad process...
Until about 15 mins ago...I was standing in the kitchen and had a hot sensation and pulled down my pants to see thick bright red blood!
Its started! sad
I didn't even get a choice in that!
I don't know if theres a point in going in in the morning once the process is already under way?
Maybe it was God trying to tell me 'I know you think you know whats best, but lets go with this?' Maybe a complication would have occured had I had the op, so it started before I could?
Maybe i am being superstitious?

Missgraeme Thu 25-Aug-16 20:33:40

So sorry u are going through this. My 8 week scan showed baby had died at 6 weeks 5 days. I too had an idea it wasn't going to turn out OK this time. Luckily I only had to wait 2 days to miscarry. I was at a friends alone (she was due back) when I started having contractions then the urge to push. I caught tiny one in my hands and felt oddly blessed to have had the chance to at least say goodbye. My friend came home and set up the coal fire and I wrapped lo up and said my goodbyes. (hope it was legal) I knew I didn't want to go to hospital and knew i wanted to be alone. Stay strong and take care.

0nceuponatime Thu 25-Aug-16 20:48:01

will it necessarily be painful and crampy etc?
It died at 7 wks 5 days but the sac kept growing and I should have been a proud 11 wks tomorrow sad

This would have been such a shock if I hadn't had an inkling before my scan!
To be going along thinking you are going to be out of your first trimester in a week and suddenly have loads of bleeding an a loss would be so distressing...
I think my mind had had time to start to accept that this was a probably outcome hen i realised I didn't have sore boobs, so on top of no vomitting, it just didn't fit right...going into the scan telling the lady that I thought this was what we might be finding, seemed less shocking...
I feel like God maybe was just gently preparing me for what was coming.~We were so excited to have no 5, and they are leaving so soon .

Do you think now the bleeding has started (thick dark red blood but not loads, just little pools on the pad) that it ill happen in the next few hours, night?
Or could this go on for days before something more happens?
its not thin blood, its thick goopy stuff.

Stealthtoast Thu 25-Aug-16 22:10:03

Hello again, they said to me that if it happens before the mva/erpc then go in anyway so they can scan and check. No idea how long it takes though, sounds like it varies a lot between people. When's your mva?

Stealthtoast Thu 25-Aug-16 22:48:43

Ah, just saw its tomorrow - good luck whatever happens!

0nceuponatime Fri 26-Aug-16 00:18:24

The bleeding has tailed off now, so thinking of going to bed and just putting a towel under me just incase.
Since it seems to have started happening,and i know I wont be waiting weeks now, I don't know if I should go in and ask for tablets, if it hasn't done anymore, and try them over the weekend, and if not, go for the MVA on monday?
It seems so morbid to now be wishing for it to all happen!

Helbelle75 Fri 26-Aug-16 00:30:09

So sorry to he a this. I went through the same in May. On a practical note, when I started bleeding properly I needed incontinence pads for absorption. The whole process took 3 days, starting with ligjt bleeding on sunday evening, with Monday night being by far the worst. Tuesday I had to go to hospital for fluids and finally passed the sac on the Wednesday.
I didn't want baby disappearing down the toilet either, so kept rubber gloves in the bathroom. Sorry if tmi.
On an emotional level, take care of yourself and give yourself time to heal. I had to take a month off work and found it difficult to go back. I also had support from cruse bereavement.
It's a horrendous thing to happen. Nothing can prepare you for it.

purplesmiler Fri 26-Aug-16 07:28:51

Make sure you have someone with you. I started spotting for a few days then the pain hit me. As soon as the pain started I began contractions and within three hours I had passed two significant clots and finally my precious baby. My baby ended up on a pad as I didn't make it to the toilet we said a quick goodbye and my OH took it away as I was distressed. I bled heavily for a few hours after and now almost 3 days on I feel like I am on a period hopefully the bleeding will stop.

We have our scan this morning, I really don't want to go. I already feel empty and someone telling me is going to make it harder.

Time to grieve is so important.

Helbelle75 Fri 26-Aug-16 08:15:22

So sorry purplesmiler. Yes, contractions, forgot about those. My DH was a rock.
I felt completely empty as well, and didn't want to see anyone by DH and dsis.
I never thought would be the same again. I'm usually very bubbly and sociable but couldn't face people. I found it difficult to leave the house as Everyone seemed to be pregnant or have small children and it killed me. It's ok and normal to feel like that. I've spoken to a lot of people who've had miscarriages, and it's a lot more people affected by it than I thought, and it's really helped to know I'm not on my own.
3 months in and I feel much better. I will never be the same again, grief does that, but I can cope with life again.

so08dnd Sat 27-Aug-16 21:59:40

I was around 5 weeks pregnant and attended a&e with pains to my left side. I was scanned and told I had an ectopic pregnancy. My hcg was at 1350 and progesterone at 56. I was concerned that these levels were high for an ectopic pregnancy but the doctors said they were certain and needed to operate to remove it.

I went into surgery the following day and when I came out they advised that there was no ectopic, but they had found a corpus luteum cyst. They could not confirm if I was still pregnant or not.
They took my bloods the following day and said my hcg has dropped by a third and I was miscarrying. I have had no bleeding and am wondering if there is any chance at all i could still be pregnant?

Any advice much appreciated

Endmoor1405 Sun 28-Aug-16 12:00:50

Sorry to hear you are having to go through this 0nce flowers

I had a similar experience- went for an early scan as I was terrified it had gone wrong (no reason why, just a gut feeling) to be told that my dates were wrong and I must only have been 4 weeks (my dates should have been 9+) I started to bleed two days later- like you not a huge amount after the first instance and this tailed off over the next few days. EPU referred me for another scan and bloods to see what was happening with my hcg and the "sac" they saw. No change a week later and hcg levels had only increased slightly so miscarriage confirmed. I took he option to have an ERPC the next day- like you I felt it was the only thing I managed to have control of in the whole process. Until I started to bleed heavily (I could feel it but wasn't in a position to address it, thankfully sat on a sofa in the middle of a meeting) and then every few minutes I started with what turned out to be mild contractions. I went to the loo and passed a huge number of clots and then finally the sac- a lot bigger than I expected. After this point the pain tailed off almost immediately however the bleeding did not. Very heavy bleeding (soaked a couple of pads in a hour, I know they say to come in if its that heavy but my DH was at work and it would have been over an hour before he got to me to be even nearly on the way to A&E so I sat and waited to see what would happen). It tailed off after an hour or so and was just like a very heavy period of bright red blood with no clots for the next few days. Called the EPU in the morning and they scanned before my procedure- they confirmed that the miscarriage had started (although wasn't quite complete) and sent me home to "get on with it". Passed the final pieces a few days later with similar contraction type pains. In all it was around two weeks from the start of bleeding to actually fully miscarrying.

I would ring your hospital and ask them to scan you before going to theatre. At least then they can check if the provider is necessary and will send you home if not. Hugs OP xx

Endmoor1405 Sun 28-Aug-16 12:02:29

Procedure!! Not provider!!

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