Devastating bfn after mc

(13 Posts)
Lizziedoll Sun 21-Aug-16 19:15:34

I miscarried my first pregnancy 4 weeks ago and have been dtd every day ever since because I truly feel only another pregnancy will take this pain away, however I got a bfn today and although I'd been feeling better lately and more hopeful, I feel completely devastated all over again. The pain has been so great I've even thought about suicide. I feel like such a failure as a woman. I need some support sad

Marymaymay Sun 21-Aug-16 19:37:42

Well, if you're a failure then a big majority of the population is too!

I've had 2 mc, both through fertility treatment so had to then wait 3 months before trying again and face the bill for the miscarried treatment coming through so I fully understand how awful you feel.

You will start to feel better eventually. At the moment though it's still pretty fresh for you and your hormones are probably still a bit awry.

At first I thought only getting pg again would solve things but I had 6 months between my first mc and getting pg again and then 8 months between my 2nd mc and 3rd (successful) pg. In-between I kind of caught up with myself and got back on track - always with the end goal in mind but without the anxiety and despair.

Things will get better and statistically you are very, very likely to have a successful pregnancy next time.

Northernlurker Sun 21-Aug-16 19:42:33

It's absolutely natural to want to conceive again but give your body a chance. It's very early days still. I'm sure it will happen very soon.

Number4OnTheWay Sun 21-Aug-16 20:25:32

I've had 6 miscarriages and totally understand the devastation of loss.
Remember though you have to go easy on your body. A miscarriage isn't like a period. A miscarriage is like giving birth, your body won't just bounce back and start ovulating immediately.
If you really want to conceive again now, get some ovulation tests in so you know what's going on inside. Don't beat yourself up so much. Huge hugs to you ((()))

Lizziedoll Sun 21-Aug-16 20:33:50

It's just that I heard you're more fertile after a mc and heard of many people getting pg right away, sometimes even before the first period. So I feel disappointed and I worry I will never get pregnant again. number4 were all your mcs back to back?! flowers

CinderellaFant Sun 21-Aug-16 20:36:30

Go easy on yourself. A miscarriage is traumatic emotionally and physically, you need time to recover! It will happen soon flowers

Number4OnTheWay Sun 21-Aug-16 20:41:30

Yes I'be heard that too, but im not sure how true it is, I haven't seen any evidence to back it up. Like I said earlier though your body doesn't just bounce back and fall into the same 28 day cycle it was in before. Every pregnancy either miscarried or live birth has an effect on your body. Give it time and invest in some opks.
No my miscarriages have been over 8 years and I've had 3 children in between them smile

Northernlurker Sun 21-Aug-16 20:42:38

Being fertile after miscarriage isn't a one shot window. Yes lots of people conceive straight away but lots don't. In the last four weeks your body has had to let your clearly much wanted pregnancy go and then rebuild your uterine lining and ovulate. It's a lot for a body to do. Please don't beat yourself up op.

KittyandTeal Sun 21-Aug-16 20:44:21

That first bfn after loosing dd2 was like another wave of grief tbh. I'd absolutely convinced myself that loosing her was so unfair that of course I'd fall pregnant easily.

Try to be kind on yourself. It's totally normal to feel like a failure (obviously, logically you're not but so many women I know feel that way) Do what you need to to get through.

Sands and the miscarriage association are both brilliant charities that can support you (I know sands is still birth and neonatal death but they also support women who have lost pregnancies/babies at any stage, they are wonderful)

TheLegendOfBeans Sun 21-Aug-16 20:48:20

You must have balls of steel Number. I had one earlier this month and it's really knocked my confidence trying for DC2.

LizzieDoll (good name by the way, it's basically mine when I "go home" wink) firstly I'm sorry this has happened to you. It's just SHIT.

I hear you re: reading that subsequent pregnancies in the first 6 months after m/c are meant to stick like glue but I'm a bit hmm but also "YAY" about it. The temptation to try again NOW is huge but I'm stepping back out of the rush to conceive again, letting my body recover and only when I feel at peak condition to try again. And not until 2017 either.

Look after yourself my dear. Give yourself time to grieve this experience and move forward - mentally but also physically x

Lizziedoll Sun 21-Aug-16 21:06:12

Thank you everyone. It's nice to be reminded that I'm not alone. It's really the worst. Sorry for all your losses flowers

AppleMagic Sun 21-Aug-16 21:09:17

I know it's common to fall pregnant straight away after a miscarriage but in my case it took 3 months for my cycles to get back to normal and then I conceived first month after that.

Drycleanonly7 Wed 31-Aug-16 16:31:01

Hello LizzieDoll,

I am so sorry you are hurting. I am with you when you say that only a new pregnancy will take the pain away. Somehow though, even if I were to get pregnant again, the twins that I lost will never be replaced.

It's such a sad situation isn't it. I hope things work out for us all.

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