Struggling with recurrent miscarriage while friend plans her 3rd baby

[Lucinda15]

I'm struggling with some uncomfortable feelings. I have been trying for #2 for about 18 months. I've had 3 mc's and just finished investigations and now TTC again. Petrified and nervous and hoping for a miracle.

With each mc a close family or friend announced a pregnancy at the same stage of mine. I was told to keep my mc's secret to save them any anxiety. All that I totally understand, but it has been such a hard year for us. I have watched people close to me grow and listened to the excitement about their growing bumps, and done the baby talk and met and held their them when they arrived. All the time I have been trying to recover and grieving for the babies I lost. Every time i saw these people I had to steel myself and had abrupt loo breaks at family gatherings so I cld pinch away the tears and catch my breath.

I dnt mean to be wallowing in it, I am not. I am genuinely happy for these people. I dnt resent them. It's just been hard to see someone and be reminded of what u have lost and where your pregnancy/baby would be.

Anyway. So we are now TTC again. I'm so nervous and trying to be positive. My close friend has told me she is TTC #3. She knows my history and has been super supportive and a rock to me. But I am struggling with uncomfortable feelings about hearing she is TTC again. She has conceived quickly and had smooth pregnancies in the past. I don't doubt she will be pregnant soon. And I'm happy for her. But I'm dreading history repeating itself again for me. I'm scared I will miscarry and then watch another friend grow and have their baby while I lose mine. and I'll have to prepare myself to be strong and steel myself and go thru the baby talk and bump talk when all I want to do is cry and grieve for my own.

I keep telling myself that this is going to happen, people will have babies and I have to get used to it. But it's been so hard.

I suppose there is nothing anyone can say. I'm just getting it out. And keeping everything crossed that we have our miracle this time. X

[Alb1]

So sorry to hear about your losses OP, its such a hard thing to go through and even harder when you have to watch other people's pregnancies, I no I struggle with that too. Seems so unfair that you've been told to keep your losses quiet though, I can't imagine having to keep that a secret on top of everything else, I hope you have some good real life support. I have nothing helpful to say I'm afraid, but if you feel like someone to talk to there's a load of us on the TTC board going through the same or similar things so feel free to join us. If you already have then sorry, iv not been around there too much recently as I'm moving house at the min!

[Lucinda15]

Thank you alb I have been hovering over on the conception thread - was there just before my last mc. Bit nervous to really admit I'm TTC again so tentatively dipping my toes in! No doubt I will need a bit more support as things get underway. Should be ovulating next week and the anxiety/excitement is building. X