This is a beautiful bit of journalism about stillbirth

(10 Posts)
PacificDogwod Fri 22-Jul-16 18:07:17

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-36855840

I think she is right: society should allow conversation about stillbirth (and any other pregnancy loss) will less awkwardness and of course anybody who lost a baby so cruelly will forever remain that baby's mother.

I think I will try and catch the program.

thanks to anybody having gone through this cruellest of bereavements sad

Alb1 Fri 22-Jul-16 21:02:54

Thanks for posting this, I could have written it myself, it's so true flowers

gingerbreadmanm Fri 22-Jul-16 21:14:24

Thanks for posting. My son was stillborn at 27 weeks last year. In fact today is a year on from when we had the awful scan that discovered his heart had stop beating.

The article is true to life, i hate not being able to talk about my son for fear of how awkward it is for other people. Sunday would be his first birthday, we have agonised over doing something family wide or not for fear of what other people think.

I never take any pregnancy for granted now, not mine, i have not dared to ttc again yet but other people around me. My sons death was also unexplained.

When my sons birthday comes on Sunday and family whos birthday i acknowledge every year do not acknowledge it, i will be heartbrokem because its almost like he didnt exist. He was everything to me.

PacificDogwod Fri 22-Jul-16 21:22:43

So sorry for both your losses thanks

gingerbread, your son shares his birthday with my dad - I will be thinking of your little boy when I speak to my old man.

It is so sad and so unfair.

I have experienced several early pregnancy losses, so cannot really imagine what it must feel like so much later in pregnancy.
I feel strongly that we (as a society) should speak more about our lost chances/babies (I don't think there should be a pressure on anybody to talk about anything they don't want to talk about IYSWIM).

I deal with women who have had to deal with stillbirths in my professional life and IME they usually welcome the chance to talk about their babies they never got to meet alive. It is heartbreaking how many of the older women in particular never got to meet them sad

Alb1 Fri 22-Jul-16 21:23:31

ginger just want to let you no I'm thinking of you today, I hear the firsts are the hardest, I hope the next few days are kind to you flowers

gingerbreadmanm Fri 22-Jul-16 21:32:13

i had an early loss too before my son. they are so sad and heartbreaking nothing ever really prepares you for that loss.

it sounds silly but in a way i have found stillbirth easier to cope with in that it is more acknowledged than a miscarraige and i got to meet my son which was lovely and made everything feel real.

im sorry for your losses.

thank you for sparing a thought for my son on his birthday flowers

i think i have come to terms with it now, in a way i am fortunate. Although my son shouldnt have died we already knew he had a physical disability (pffd) and i try and think that some greater good did what was kindest for him and probably us in the long run. if those around us dont acknowledge it though that will be what hurts the most as silly as that may sound. my heart broke the day he was born, i truly learnt what heartbroken meant.

Northernlurker Fri 22-Jul-16 23:35:01

I know Emma. It's hard to properly express the sense of pride her friends feel in what she's done with this programme. It was also very hard to hear, especially the first few minutes. But that's her reality. Like me she has three children but for one of them all there is now is enduring love, memories, a grave and a desire to do honour to those memories. I hope today's programme will go some way to ending the taboo of stillbirth and that will be life changing for a lot of people.

Northernlurker Thu 04-Aug-16 22:58:41

Emma Beck was interviewed on Radio 2 today on the Jeremy Vine programme (with Vanessa Feltz). It's about half way through the programme just after 1pm if anybody wants to listen.

PacificDogwod Fri 05-Aug-16 08:23:21

Oh, thank you, Northernlurker, I'll look it up.

There was another thread recently linking to a v powerful bit of righting about late termination for medical reasons.
And while this is of course in no way the same situation, the point the writer was making about that we as a society don't 'allow' conversation about these most painful things that befall more people than we would like to think, is really damaging.

And I think that is true. These are conversations that need to be had.
I spoke to a lady in her 80s recently who lost a baby to still birth almost 60 years ago - and she was still in tears. And what had hurt her most all of her life (apart from the loss)? The fact that she was known as a mother of 3 when she very strongly felt she was a mother of 4. But she never felt able to mention her infant son or to correct people.

I hope that this is very very slowly changing.

ChatEnOeuf Fri 05-Aug-16 16:11:58

The interview was lovely, and she is quite right in what she says. We should speak more openly about stillbirth.

I do, however, find it so conflicting re: number of children. I am most definitely a mother of two - one is here and one is not. But when people ask me - especially at work, or in brief social meetings - I will often reply "just one, right now".

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