When to give up?

[princessconsuelobananahammock]

I'm on my 3rd MC now, another MMC at 8 weeks + a few days after a good heartbeat at 8 week scan. I had a good feeling about this one I've got a DC already in reception. In the last year I've been pregnant for over 6 months in total with the other 6 months (+another 9 months trying for the first pregnancy/mc) spent upset when not pregnant. I think I'm done. We've been referred to RMC for the tests etc but I feel that my life has already been on hold for over a year. My husband wants us to try again but recognises that the impact is very different on him than me. Has anyone else been here too?

[BipBippadotta]

I'm so sorry for your losses. I often feel the same way you seem to be feeling. I've got no living children; I had a stillbirth and then three miscarriages. I feel I'm done after every loss. And then a couple of months later something persuades me to try again. And then I have another few disappointing months where nothing happens (and/or £K's of fertility treatment) followed by another miscarriage. Rinse and repeat. I wish I knew how to stop permanently - it just feels like elaborate & expensive self harm. Here with a handhold.

[Iggi999]

It is so hard isn't it. I saw your thread title and wanted to post my experience, though only you can know what's right for you and how much you can take.
I had a ds, then tried for number 2 and had three mcs, then got the tests done, showed nothing, went privately to have natural killer cells tests done (I suspected an immune issue as have an under active thyroid), had one more early miscarriage, then pg number 6 which resulted in dc2. In my case I'm so glad I kept going, but I needed to be doing something "different" to give me hope, hence the treatment I took, lots of vitamins etc.
Best of luck to you both

[DoughNut12345]

How old are you? How much do you want another baby? Have you had any indication from the docs what could be causing the mcs? I had tests done at the RMC and it was a bit of a pain....I had to freeze a bit of wee each morning for a month and then send them off for tests. I had to do this for two months as I buggered up the first month . I had three mcs in a row. I now have 2 lovely dcs , teenagers now. I had to give myself a blood-thinning injection everyday....but totally worth it and I'm glad I persevered.
Big hugs to you though, it's a horrible thing to happen

[hopinghopefullyagain]

My story is very different but I just wanted to extend a bit of sympathy and understanding. We spent 5 years ttc our first. She had patau syndrome and was stillborn at 32 weeks. I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant in what appears to be a healthy pregnancy, falling pregnant in the first month of trying. It's rubbish and I've frequently felt like giving up along the way. Usually those times have been opposite to my dh so between us we have managed to keep going. It doesn't seem fair does it?

[princessconsuelobananahammock]

Thanks so much for your replies. I feel really lucky to have my DC. It's funny because I didn't realise how lucky I was at the time. Took a fair while to conceive but not unreasonable. Textbook pregnancy. I just assumed DC2 would be the same.

In answer to the questions, I'm 34. I don't think I'm desperate for another baby but I want to complete my family if that makes sense? That might be because I didn't enjoy the baby phase but 12months plus has been great & keeps getting better.

I have a fulfilling career and I'm ambitious & want to keep progressing. I'll do this either way but the thought of another few years of this is daunting.

I think if I knew I would get pregnant immediately I'd be more keen. I find the 'trying' very stressful, unromantic & just a bit grim. I love DH to bits but we don't have sex loads so it feels a bit false on peak weeks.

I'm waffling!!

[Lucinda15]

princess I am in a very similar situation. I am 34, have one DS (4.5) and have been TTC #2 for just over a year. I had 3 mc's in 10 months. One at 11.5 week, one at 5 weeks and the last one was in March, a MMC at an 8 week scan. I honestly feel the same as you; utterly utterly done in and exhausted and winded with all the trying and the losses. I totally relate to life having been on hold while all this has been going on. And I feel so lucky for DS (also conceived easily and textbook pregnancy) and guilty for wanting more.

I have been on a forced break from TTC for the last few months while we have investigations. And I have welcomed the break and felt so much better for it. I think emotionally and physically I needed it. I also referred myself for counselling via the GP and that has defiantly helped me work through my thoughts about all this. I have also focuses on some other things in my life, that have been put on hold, such as applying for a new job which starts next week & thinking about moving house. I just couldn't focus on a new baby anymore, and it has been a breath of fresh air to think about other things. It felt positive.

We are coming to the end of our investigations though, and will be TTC again in the next couple of months. I am beginning to feel very anxious about it and have considered giving up. But it's a difficult decision and I can't quite decide to stop or to carry on! I'm in a wierd limbo. I'm going to bide my time until all results back and see how I feel in a couple of months.

I imagine it's all still a bit raw for you. Give yourself a bit of time, take a break from it all while you have the investigations; the way I saw it I could have the investigations and see how I felt when they were in. And it's taken a few months so it's been a good amount of time to try and get my head round it all.

Look after yourself, spend some time with your family, book a nice holiday/weekend away if you can. And don't put any pressure on yourself. Lots of love