I'm heartbroken.
At 11weeks, I've had a miscarriage. We got pregnant so easily, we felt so lucky. I've had no symptoms other than sore breast and tiredness. My midwife assured me this was normal. I feel frustration at her now in retrospect, but she said the right thing at the time. She wouldn't have know it wasn't going to work out.
Monday morning, week 11 to the day I woke up with period pains. I wiped away blood and called the early pregnancy unit. The earliest appointment was the following afternoon. Monday the blood eased off until teatime, where I saw clotting and my heart sank. I went to A&E, but as I wasn't dying, I was sent home carrying more anxiety from the very matter of fact male doctor.
My partner and I went for the scan with managed expectations. More blood had passed and we knew only a miracle would saves us. I pictured our dating scan day, every single day since finding out. I've counted down the days and hours and here it was, 1 week earlier and not the dream situation I had wanted. Here, we were looking at our little peanut without a heartbeat. The first creation of my partner and I and it couldn't survive.
I couldn't get an appointment for management until 3 days later by which time I passed it naturally. Monday I was pregnant, Wednesday I wasn't. It all happened so quickly.
I'm trying not to work out dates of where the little heartbeat stopped, what I might have done. I know that it's common and something this time just didn't spark. I think I'm ok, but I get waves of grief. I want to move on but I don't to forget. The thing I'm finding the hardest is the fact that it was our first time and it's ended so badly. I'm worried that it won't happen again for, and that there is something wrong when our genes meet. I'm an anxious person which doesn't help. The reason I've joined is to find some positive stories and for some hope that people have had a similar experience and found their rainbow baby.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
First pregnancy results in miscarriage
27 replies
Jolo81 · 09/07/2016 09:42
OP posts:
AnUtterIdiot ·
12/07/2016 10:06
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