How do you get through the bad days

(8 Posts)
Lyndz07 Mon 20-Jun-16 19:26:24

I'm on my 3rd miscarriage, each one different 1st - blighted ovum, 2nd - low amniotic fluid and died at 8 weeks, 3rd - turners syndrome died at 9 weeks and 3 days. Been told there's nothing wrong with me just bad luck....
We've been fortunate to get pregnant immediately and here we are just got my period after trying again which has sent me into devastation mode again, had to leave work early as I'm so upset and wondering if Ive damaged my body with 3 d&cs. Every day there's pregnancy announcements, friends baby pictures, I'm turning bitter and using all my energy at work to put a smile on my face and getting home drained from it all and just want to be alone. I just want to hibernate until I've had a successful pregnancy. How have other people got through this?

BlueGazebo Tue 21-Jun-16 06:38:49

My dark days were 10 years ago now (5 m/cs). One thing that really helped me was volunteering for Age Concern. I visited lonely old folk. It totally took me away from all the new pg announcements and newborns. It put life in a different perspective. One lovely old lady had lost all her family and had lost 2 disabled grown up sons. Another lady had a son in prison. It was very rewarding and lovely to be one of the few visitors they every had.

samk15 Tue 21-Jun-16 17:46:55

Lyndz I'm so sorry you are going through this. I am on my 3rd miscarriage too. It's heartbreaking i don't have any great advice other than I am having to take things one day at a time. Are you getting support from your DP/DH, family and friends flowers

Lyndz07 Tue 21-Jun-16 18:27:15

Samk15 yeah I'm lucky I have a fantastic husband, my family and friends are all there but they don't understand what I'm going through so sometimes hearing 'you'll get there' X 100 makes me want to scream so I'm not in touch with people as much mainly because after work pretending to be all happy is draining so I just collapse on the couch. I'm wondering whether I should change my job, I didn't go in again today just don't have the energy to be all bubbly which is what I need to be being in sales and account managing, wish I had a desk job where I could go in do what I need to do with no pressure then leave. Sorry to hear you've had 3, have you had any tests? xxx

Lyndz07 Tue 21-Jun-16 18:28:41

Blue gazebo my job is pretty full on so if I did that too I'd never see my husband, glad it helped you xx

samk15 Tue 21-Jun-16 19:43:38

Oh yes the well meaning platitudes... I've heard them all. What's driving me potty at the moment is people saying 'I don't know how you carry on' and ' I'd be a mess if it happened to me ' I mean what am I supposed to do!!
Glad you've got a good support network, sod work, it's too bloody hard trying to pretend that everything is ok when you feel broken and empty. Maybe a change of job would give you something else to focus on ( we are getting a puppy because I absolutely need something else to put my energy into)
I've had blood tests and a scan and all were fine. They are going to send the product of this pregnancy off for genetic testing. Thing is I'm 39 this year so we might have some tests done privately because, quite frankly, I'm running out of time. Can I ask what tests you've had? If that's not too personal. Xxx

Lyndz07 Tue 21-Jun-16 22:31:02

That's another thing that makes this so much worse is the biological clock ticking!

I went private in January before I got pregnant with my third, tested for blood clotting, diabetes, thyroid, lupus and I had a scan to see if I had fibroids it a heart shaped womb as that can cause miscarriage but everything was fine, my thyroid came back very slightly underactive for what pregnancy needs so now I'm on 50mcgrams of thyroxine but they said it may or may not might have caused my last miscarriage. The only test I haven't had is the NK killer cells test which is pricey, I was going to do it after this last miscarriage but two doctors said if the results from the fetus had have come back unexplained they would have said do the test but this miscarriage was a chromosomal abnormality so nothing to do with nk killer cells. We got a cat after our first one and she's def brought us so much joy so get that puppy!! The only thing about work is that in Jersey you have to have worked in a place for a certain amount of time to get maternity benefit so it's like I'm trapped really because we are going to keep trying and what if I get pregnant and I've only been at a new job for a few months, everything in our lives is out of our control at the moment, i pray for our luck to change no one should have to go through this much heartbreak!!

samk15 Wed 22-Jun-16 16:40:40

Sounds like we've pretty much had the same tests then. I am diabetic but well controlled.

Yes definitely going to get the puppy, we have 2 cats already but we need something nice to focus on for a bit.

With regards to the job and maternity pay etc, I would concentrate on there here and now. These losses have taught me not to plan being pregnant ( because quite frankly it hasn't panned out for me so far) and to carry on and make other plans - even though deep down all I want to be is a mum. For whatever reason it's not happening atm.

Hope you are ok today flowers

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