Miscarriage only discovered at 12 week scan

[ButterflyGem]

Hi All
First of all I'm so sorry for any of your losses. ❤️ I'm new to these forums so don't understand all the abbreviations,sorry. Just wanted to share my very recent miscarriage experience with you & am after some advice on what to do next form others in a similar situation.
I've just turned 32 came off pill in Dec after being on it approx 12 years. Had a normal period in Dec them was late in Jan did a pregnancy test which was + but bled a few days later b4 had chance to see doc. Was told this was possibly a chemical pregnancy. Anyway period didn't come Feb so about 8 March sent a urine sample to docs which came back + had appt with midwife 11 March who sent me for an early scan (because of bleed in Jan) on 16 March. At this scan saw heartbeat & fetus was 16mm everything ok. Started telling a few close relatives etc. 12 week scan was booked for mon 18 April at which point I should have been 13 weeks. Sonographer did ultrasound we saw the baby on the screen but she then said no heartbeat & not as big as should be it was 21mm had died at around 10 & half weeks. Me & o/h just froze & didn't know what to do/say my body still thought it was pregnant I had lots of symptoms none of miscarriage. Was sent home & went back in hosp Tuesday to discuss options. Was sick twice on Monday afternoon think my body in shock. Advised to go with the tablets so was hanging round all day until they found me a bed with a bathroom. Went in about 6pm took 1st tablet about 7 left in for 1 hour then took out for 2 hours to help make something happen. (Nothing did) repeated the process every few hours had to pass everything on bedpans for the nurses to check. After 3 doses started with bad cramping (could describe similar to what contractions must be like) & lots of blood loss & clots the size of golf/tennis balls. Waiting for fetus to pass. It did at about 4am followed by lots more blood. Felt weak/tired etc got no sleep. My mum stayed in hospital with me as my husband thought it would be best. The placenta didn't pass & I needed the full 5 doses of tablets & was on excruciating pain. At 3pm wed afternoon a doctor eventually saw me & did an ultrasound said my uterus had emptied but the placenta was stuck in my cervix so they had to do similar to a smear test & pull it out. This was followed by lots more blood loss even a bed pan full of diahorrea. Then had to wait for nurses to check everything was OK. Was let out of hospital at around 7pm the wed evening & been bleeding/feeling weak ever since. Passed a few more clots & had a few bad pains. I think this is normal though as only a week ago. I haven't managed to cry properly yet tho which is worrying me a bit. I've been signed off until 9 May by doctor. I broke down while telling her as she had told me I was pregnant in the first place. I just want to know when am I going to be able to cry & let my emotions out. Just been told someone I work with has announced they're pregnant due sept so i know this will be hard for me don't want to become jealous etc I think I'll just be sad for my loss that's all. Any advice on what to do next, how long did anyone leave it before returning to work. I'm trying to think positive & know that everything happens for a reason etc & this was my 1st pregnancy & m/c I know others suffer much worse, but can't help feeling sad/guilty/numb & finding it hard atm to do everyday tasks.dont know when to start trying again or how the body reacts to miscarriage. This has been the worst few weeks ever & I just don't know how to cope with it all the physical side bad enough I don't think it's even hit me emotionally yet. Any advice is much appreciated thanks.got my fingers crossed for future pregnancies even tho I know I'll be a nervous wreck 😘 Xx

[Mishaps]

The process you have been through of getting things back to normal after a foetus dies in utero is truly horrible and you must be feeling wretched - a similar thing happened to my DD only she was sent home to deal with it there on her own. It was truly grim, so I have every sympathy with you.

I should also warn you that one of the ways that the medics sometimes check that all is back to normal is by doing a pregnancy test - if it is negative, then all is well. But it is psychologically a bit of a facer.

But do take heart - my DD now has two fine boys. One day you will put all this behind you.

[SaigonSaigon]

I'm very sorry for your loss, and for what you are going through. I went through similar recently but I had the surgery option. I think you need to be gentle on yourself and give yourself some time to come to terms with it. I can't say when that will be as everyone is different. I myself had a delayed response. After the initial shock of there being no heartbeat at the scan, I went through the motions of sorting everything practical, etc, which keeps you busy. I had no time off work, which was possibly a mistake. I thought it would be best. But its hitting me now, 5 months after the event. Personally, I'd give your body a good few months to return to normal before trying again. You've got time. Let your periods settle down, and your emotions compute everything. But if you're ready before that, that's up to you.Good luck OP. xx

[Tftpoo]

I'm so sorry you're going through this op. I had a mmc discovered at 12 weeks and had surgery to remove everything. I felt numb until the surgery was all over then the emotional pain kicked in. The whole thing happened about 2 weeks before I was meant to go back to work after extended mat leave and work let me delay my start date by a month. For me this was the right thing to do, I was in no state to work after it happened but after a month it wasn't so raw and I could cope with work. The thing is, everyone is different though so it's hard to say what is right for you. You must put yourself first though and if you're not ready to go back to work then speak to them or see your GP. It is the most horrible thing to experience and we don't talk about it much but I found that once I'd had a mc, so many friends and relatives had been through the same thing and there were people I could talk to about it. There is also a charity where I live which offers free counselling - maybe there is something similar near you if you need it? The Miscarriage Assoc helpline and message boards were also a huge source of support to me.

[ButterflyGem]

Thanks so much both I really appreciate the comments. I think emotionally I'll probs have a delayed response too. I'll have to wait & see it's just such a horrendous thing all the days are a blur this is my 2nd week off work but feel like it's just being all of the physical stuff. May need to give myself a bit longer. I'm also considering seeing an NHS counsellor when I'm ready. Appreciate others experiences think it will help me to talk 😘 Xx

[ButterflyGem]

Thanks very much so sorry for your loss too. xx

[randomuser64746]

First of all, I'm sorry so sorry fro your loss.

There is nothing I can say or do to help take away the pain and you may be very far from thinking about trying again but when you are please have a read of my post: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/2622705-Recurrent-missed-miscarriages-Aspirin

I'm not a doctor or any sort of medical person but please do some research and have a look at Aspirin when you are ready to try again. We have had several missed MC's and I want to do all I can to help stop other people experiencing them. As far as I can determine there have never been any negative effects on babies where mothers have taken Aspirin and there is some really positive research out there leading me to believe that they can help prevent missed MC's

My thoughts go out to you and your husband.

[ButterflyGem]

Aww I'm so so sorry for all your losses. Is everything going ok now though? I'll keep this info in mind when ready to try again xx

[Sammythemummy]

So sorry for your loss

[ButterflyGem]

thanks xx

[ButterflyGem]

Been back at work 3 weeks now. But have hit a low a 16 nearly 17 year old had started an apprentiship scheme with us just last week. I have been training her & she came in on Wednesday after a hospital appointment spoke to my boss & said she was pregnant & booked in for an appointment for an abortion next Monday. I've had the full story off his girl thanks to my boss & I should never have been involved.
She isn't sure who the dad is & would keep if it was definately her boyfriends. My boss has basically told her to talk to me about her situation!! as I've been through similar. I've been to higher management today to try & report this as I think I'm the last person she should have told but my boss can be very tactless she has no idea no kids just dogs. Also My boss noticed I haven't been right today & took me in her office so I told her no I'mnot in a good place with hearing about this girls situation & upset with her for pointing her in my direction. Which she denied, I'm fuming & its sent me right back to square one so I phoned my doctors this afternoon they've signed me off for 3 weeks which I'm worrying about telling my boss & giving work the sick note. I've been coping so well with my own situation but now I can't cope with all this stress. Feel I'm back to square one
What makes it worse is our receptionist knows the girl is pregnant as her younger brother knows her & had heard rumours so I just hope there's no office gossip while I'm off. I've tried to convince the girl to think hard about an abortion and persuade her to keep it.
Help xx