I'm really struggling. I had my third consecutive mc 2.5 weeks ago. Found out at early reassurance scan that I'd had a missed mc. Initially devastated and couldn't stop crying for 48 hrs. Then felt strangely calm, accepted it and began to feel oddly 'normal'. I got on with work, and carried on with things. A week or so later I even went to a friends to visit her newborn and had a good long cuddle and felt fine. I think I'd started to come to terms with the fact there may not be another baby (I am so lucky to have one DS already).
Despite being 'ok' about all this, I feel I am coasting and I feel so heavy in my heart. I'm just trying to get on with it all.
But over the last few days I feel I'm unraveling a bit. My moods are very erratic, im snapping at DH and DS a lot. Which I feel terrible about. I am so thankful for what I have and love DS so much and if there were no more kids, I am so lucky and happy with what we have. I feel guilty for wanting more and being upset. Im trying not to be. But Im beginning to cry randomly. And I'm dreading a family do later today which will involve the whole family meeting a relatives new baby. There will be lots of baby talk and oohing and aahing and passing baby round for cuddles. And I think I'm freaking out a bit.
I don't know. I also feel that some people almost expect me to be ok because we have been thru it before. Like it gets easier? I don't know. But I feel I'm trying to be ok to keep up with their expectations almost.
I'm just feel very confused and have very uncomfortable feelings rumbling on in the background every day and I don't think I can control them anymore.
I know there are women out there with worse experiences and struggles, and I really am so grateful for what I have. I know it's just time that will help this. But I wish I could fast forward a few months and be past all this horrible bit. I feel I'm in a horrible groundhog day.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
Losing the plot after 3 mc's
6 replies
Lucinda15 · 28/03/2016 08:36
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