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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

struggling with the dcs

3 replies

nailsathome · 07/03/2016 18:25

Meant to be 13 weeks, found out on Friday baby died at 11. Bleeding started yesterday.

I'm really finding it difficult having my 2 dcs here. I just want to feel shit and sad on my own, with personal space and silence if I want it.

I currently have a duvet on the sofa and no space to move because 4 yr old dd needs to be snuggled up if there's a duvet day going. Usually it's lovely. Right now it's taking all of my will power not to tell her to piss off to her own fucking bit of the sofa. She has just elbowed me in the head stretching her arm.

Dp is being great, he has taken the week off work and has run around after her and 9mo ds all day but I can still hear them and see them and I have to pretend I'm just a bit poorly and I'm reading books and shaking maracas but I don't want to do any of that shit.

I want to be able to tell him it hurts and that it's so unfair that I'm having to do this again. And that I'm angry because I've spent the last 12 weeks feeling like shit, puking up and struggling to look after the kids for nothing. I want to be able to tell him to get me food and drink and to look after me but I can't because he's got the kids (and ds in particular is a handful).

I'm angry because ex wants me to drop dd to him tomorrow and I'm going to have to fucking do it because otherwise I'll have to tell him why I can't.

Thanks if you got this far, just needed to vent. I've been feeling more and more like screaming as the day goes on.

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almostthirty · 07/03/2016 18:28

so sorry for your loss. Could dh take them out all day tomorrow to leave you in peace?

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FrazzleRock · 08/03/2016 08:24

Hey Nails It's me, Frazzle. I've just realsied we were on the same FB group. Sorry you left, but understandable. I've found them really supportive since my MMC two weeks ago and they are more than happy for me to rant on there.

I know exactly how you feel, I also have 2 DC. I do tell them how I feel, I believe it's good to teach them to express feelings (DP taught me that). Mother's Day was really hard and DC1 was being particularly difficult so I ended up telling him that evening while I was combing nits out of his hair yet again. I basically fell apart. Poor boy!

Can you get any counselling? I had my first session yesterday and I think it's unleashed anger in me.

Like I said before, please do PM me if you need a rant. Seems like we're going through the same process. I also have an Ex-H who hasn't been very helpful with the DC.