Late miscarriage support

(9 Posts)
YouCantCallMeBetty Thu 04-Feb-16 09:00:54

I hope it's ok to start a new thread about this, all the others I found seemed dormant.

My DH and I lost our baby last week at 17+4 when my labour started out of the blue. I had about 20 mins of contraction type pain and then my waters broke. Luckily I work in a maternity hospital so was able to go round to Early Pregnancy and they got me admitted to the gynae ward where doctors confirmed what was happening. I then delivered our baby but had to go into theatre straight away for manual removal of the placenta as it wouldn't come away & I was bleeding quite a lot.
I'm feeling very sad of course but think am coping with the loss and just getting through each day.
I do keep going back over the days before it happened though, wondering if there were signs I missed. I had no bleeding but did have a bit of what I thought was stretching pain on & off.
I was due to see my midwife the day before it happened but there was a mix up and for some reason my appointment got cancelled. I know logically that seeing her probably wouldn't have made a difference but I had planned to ask her about the pain and I just keep coming back to "what if..." which is a bit torturous.
We're waiting for test results now but would be really grateful to hear about anyone else's experience (and happy stories about post miscarriage babies!).

AmyB1986 Thu 04-Feb-16 10:35:59

Hi- so sorry for your loss, it is absolutely debasing.
Almost 10 years ago I was pregnant with identical twin boys, my pregnancy was not straight for obviously because of the multiple pregnancy. I was having scans every two weeks as there is a risk of ttts with identicals.
I had a scan and everything was perfect, 2 days later I was involved in a minor car accident. Went straight to the hospitals labour ward for assessment. They scanned me, confirmed both twins were fine and happy in there. I noticed the day after that I had some watery discharge and again called the hospital who again checked me over and said it was all fine so I carried on.
9 days after I had the most hideous back pain and went to see my GP who said it was probably to do with the car shunt in the previous week.
It wasn't later that evening I had some blood when I wiped so rushed straight to the hospital. As I got out of the car the blood gushed from me all down my legs and I felt like everything was coming out. I was already 5cm dilated and membranes of twin 1 had ruptured and Twins 2's were bulging.
Twin 1 Bradley was born at 6.15 and twin 2 Mason was born at 6.30am the following day. I was 21+5, both twins were born alive but we're not deemed viable so I had to hold them whilst a they struggled. It was terrible and I actually thought I was going to die too. I was devastated and fell into a deep depression.
Later the following year I fell pregnant again with my little girl who was born safely in 2008. I ignored my pregnancy until 32 weeks as I thought it was going to happen again.
In 2009 I fell pregnant again with my second daughter and she was born safely in 2010, I was really ill through my pregnancy with her.

It is really really difficult to come through the heartbreak but there is always a silver lining.
Sorry my post is long but I hope it brings you comfort.

Again I'm so sorry for your loss thanks

YouCantCallMeBetty Thu 04-Feb-16 16:29:27

AmyB1986 thanks so much for taking the time to reply. It sounds like you had an awful time with your twins, thankssorry for your loss.
Lovely to hear hopeful stories of you successfully having babies afterwards though, thanks for sharing.

AmyB1986 Thu 04-Feb-16 16:49:20

YouCanCallMeBetty it was an awful time and I felt completely useless, helpless and like it was my fault. The watery discharge I was having was actually twin ones amniotic fluid leaking out.
As the hospital had said it was all fine I left it and didn't get it checked again, the leaking continued through out the 9 days after the car accident.
Even though I got checked the worst still happened, in your original post you were saying you had a midwives appointment that was cancelled. In your situation I don't think it would have made any difference if you had have had that appointment.
Half the time they can't actually pinpoint why these things happen and it can leave you feeling confused.
Lots of theory's flew around with me, like incompetent cervix etc. It was none of those things. They eventually resolved that the minor shunt must have been the cause due to the seat belt tightening around my bump breaking my waters and causing infection to get in.

What test are they doing if you don't mind me asking?
I sincerely hope you're ok xx

YouCantCallMeBetty Fri 05-Feb-16 17:44:04

Thank you so much Amy. I'm doing OK in the circumstances I think, feeling very empty and desperately miss being pregnant but I think that's probably to be expected. We had a little blessing today for our baby which was lovely and a chance to say goodbye before the funeral.

The hospital have been great actually and offered lots of tests. I've had swabs taken from me and also from the placenta which have all come back negative for infection. My DH and I have both had blood taken for testing and we've consented to having a post mortem on our little boy. I hate the thought of it being done but we want to take every chance we're offered to try to find out what happened and if a future pregnancy might be affected. Lots of people have reminded us that we might not find out a reason though and will just to to accept the uncertainty.

MrsGlam Fri 05-Feb-16 22:57:28

I am really sorry for your loss.

I have had two late miscarriages with unknown reasons one at 19+1 and 20+6. We didn't have a post mortem though just had the placenta and cord sent off.

I think it's only natural to be thinking what if..I know I did on both occasions.

I am now currently 29 weeks pregnant and everything is going well at the moment so there is hope that you will go on to have a successful pregnancy!

AmyB1986 Sat 06-Feb-16 11:13:19

You're right, they often don't find any cause and say 'it is one of those things' which isn't helpful when you're trying to make a resolve.
A lot of woman blame themselves and I certainly did a lot of self blaming. I blamed myself for going out in the car, I blamed myself for not pushing it when the fluid was leaking.

We had lots of test performed, they took swabs from me, the placenta and performed post mortem's on both of the twins. Without this we wouldn't have known that twin one actually had pneumonia dues to rising infections. I also had a staph infection in my womb afterwards.

I'm sure you will go on to have a perfectly healthy baby with your future pregnancy.

Congratulations mrsglam also, wishing you the best.
I found that the SANDS forum was a great help. They have lots of chats for ladies who have been through similar and also lots of support for pregnancy after loss. I've made some great friends through that site, all of which had lost twin pregnancy sand have gone on to have completely healthy children xx

Smilelikeyoufeelit Sat 06-Feb-16 19:18:48

Sorry for your loss. I had an almost identical experience (down to the number of weeks) nearly 12 years ago now. I went to hospital, with pain, to be told I was being an over anxious first time mother and that the baby's heartbeat sounded fine. Only for my waters to break in the car on the way home. It was an awful time and you have my every thought and sympathy. We chose not to have any testing done. At the time, I couldn't even entertain the thought of another pregnancy.
However, 11 years on, we have two children. Whatever caused it to happen, never happened again to us. Sending you lots of love.

YouCantCallMeBetty Sat 06-Feb-16 22:03:03

MrsGlam congratulations on your pregnancy and hope it's all going smoothly for you. Smile thanks so much for the condolences and the hopeful story smile

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