Dont know how to feel(3 Posts)
Thought I would share my story with you all and see if any of you can help me get through this chapter in my life...
me and my partner were trying for our 2nd baby for 8months I finally fell in November which was the perfect month as we wanted the baby to be here before our son started school next September. we told close family and friends over xmas as we hadnt told anyone prior as we wanted it to be a surprise for them which it was then I started to have a little pink and brown bleeding the week over xmas, i thought it could be a little bit of a period as that is when i would have been due on until i had a bit too much for my liking on NYE night so went to hospital and they booked me in for the Monday to have an early scan.
Monday came and they scanned me and found the baby was only measuring 5 weeks... I was confused as I thought it should be around 7-8weeks... my last period was 2-8th November... they told me I would have to come back a week later to check the growth... the worst week of my life, never felt so stressed, confused, worried, angry or upset. I tried to stay positive but I new my dates and when i returned last Monday they told me there had been no growth, i had a feeling this was going to be the outcome as my boobs had also started to stop hurting a few days after my first scan and the bleeding went more dark red rather than pink and brown... i felt so lost and heartbroken that i had lost our baby... i had to go back the Wednesday to have an ERPC and have just been bleeding light here and there...
My feelings now are all over the place i am back at work trying to keep my self busy but when i stop and think i feel guilty that i haven't thought about it or been crying today.. i feel more emotional and think a lot more in the evenings so i am trying to keep busy...
i don't know if i should or shouldn't be thinking about trying again in a few weeks/months, how soon after did you try?
i feel guilty to think these thoughts and feel bad on the one i lost like i am replacing it, never experienced pain and upset like this before
So sorry for your loss Charlotte.
Ttc when you feel ready, there is no 'should' about it. I think miscarriage can create a hole in your life that you become desperate to fill. It's not replacing a baby though. That lost baby will always be itself and if you have another baby, it will be its own unique self (if that makes sense).
Let your emotions out if you can. After my MMC 3 months ago, I tried getting back to normal for DS's sake (he's 2), thought I was fine then realised I wasn't.
I went back on the pill so we could think clearly about ttc again. We have now decided we're happy with just DS.
I think what I'm trying to say is give yourselves time if you think you need it and don't think you have to be a certain way ( and I mean happy or sad).
Thank you. I spoke to my partner last night and we are going to wait till after the first period and see how we go want to think sensibly about it and not rush back into it... my son is 4 so didn't want such a big gap but got to accept it is what it is... will happen when it happens and I will just need to try and relax next time round
Sorry to hear you had a miscarriage also . I agree and think the feelings do come and go I'll feel fine and then I won't.. take each day as it comes. Thanks for your thoughts
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