Miscarriage support

[EllieJayJay]

Hello ladies,

It's so very heartbreaking when a miscarriage happens. It happened to me

I was a part of the July 2016 babies and I loved every minute of it, talking about my symptoms and cravings and then without warning my life changed in ten hours.

without any reason with little warning my baby was taken away from me, my heart broke into a thousand pieces - I held my tiny baby in its tiny protective sac in my hand and my life was devastated everything stopped - everything that was going to be disappeared in a blink of an eye and my life took a 360, every emotion within me went black and dark and nothing felt good, or safe or happy.

Very few people I knew, knew I was pregnant and over the past few days I've felt very alone.

So I wanted to start a post for ladies to share their stories in the hope we can help each other x

[BelleJoy73]

Hello EllaJayJay. I understand completely where you're coming from. I found out on Thursday, at my 10 week scan, that my little bean had stopped growing three weeks before, even after having seen its wee heartbeat.

I have yet to miscarry and am just waiting for my body to let go. I am a million miles from home and also feel very alone.

So, here to handhold and send virtual hugs.
X

[EllieJayJay]

Hello Belle X

I sadly lost my baby, and I feel for you x

[EllieJayJay]

So let's help you as much as we can x

[EllieJayJay]

And if your let me help you X you won't be on your own X

[BelleJoy73]

Agree! We are here for each other and with the 6-hour time difference (in South America), we can support each other 24-7.

How are you feeling tonight? X

[EllieJayJay]

I hope other ladies who have gone through this will be brave enough to say hi too x

[EllieJayJay]

I can't make sense of it

[Tuesday11]

Hi ladies
I had a scan last week after a tiny bit of bleeding and confirmed baby had stopped developing. I was 7 weeks but the scan didn't show much so they couldn't rule out an ectopic pregnancy. I've been in and out of hospital having blood tests which show my hcg levels are rising but very slowly. I'm booked for another scan next week and have been told I can have medical management or d&c if it isn't ectopic.
The waiting is awful. I feel so emotionally drained.

Good idea for a thread, hopefully we can support each other through this

[RoTo72]

Hi Ellie. Sad were both on this page now. Tuesday I had a mmc. I was going to wait to go naturally but was having contractions all week and nothing happening. I opted for an eprc. Went into hospital Friday morning and was home by lunch. Hi Belle.

[Emmpp]

Hi ladies,

I'm over a week after a miscarriage.
After spotting and light bleeding I went to the hospital and scan showed my baby stopped developing at 6 weeks ( by dates I should have been 10). The very next day I miscarried. It was very traumatic and out of body experience to see the baby leaving my body.
Scan this week showed my body dealt with it well and I don't need any medical treatment, my mc was completed.
I feel so guilty, I hate my body for not being able to protect the tiny baby we were so looking forward to meet in June.
And then I feel silly for being so over sensitive. A complete hormonal rollercoaster here :-(

[RoTo72]

You're absolutely not being silly. It is an emotional rollercoaster. And honestly the worst experience iv ever had to deal with

[EllieJayJay]

Agree your not being silly at all X I have felt silly too so I understand but we're not silly we have lost something so precious and I felt like my world ended last Monday and still do.

It is the very worse thing in the world, it's so very cruel. What makes it worse is after its happened you still feel pregnant, my boobs still hurt I still have positive tests and my mind wonders into "maybe" but I know it's not true - I hate myself I blame myself I am bordering on not functioning I don't know how to deal with it nothing makes sense.

Ro I'm so sorry xx in your situation I would have done exactly the same. I had my scan and I knew baby was too small as I knew the date it happened I would have been a mess waiting for the second scan on Tuesday.

I'm not sure I can face going through that again but I will have too I suppose.

Sending you all hugs xx

[RoTo72]

Awk Ellie its awful isn't it? Iv ordered a wee forget me not necklace off a miscarriage jewellery site. I have scan and wee pair of booties. Gonna get a tiny teddy and make a memory box. Never want to forget my angel baby. Because wether I met her (believe ba was a girl), she was my baby and she was loved. And the thought of not doing everything we had planned, even something simple like letting her sleep by the patio doors during the warm days, is tearing me apart. I just feel completely lost and don't know what to do next.

[EllieJayJay]

Oh Ro I am so sorry you have to go through this xx it's just dreadful I'm at home alone today and can't even get out of bed. Surrounded by my fur babies xx but every now and then just break down into pieces and cry as I want my baby so badly X

We called ours our baby penguin, and I have a necklace with a penguin and a ruby which would have been baby's birthstone, it gives me some comfort like he is almost here - I've tried to think that maybe he still is on some level and that his soul will help make the next one but I don't know how I could even risk this happening again I too am so lost and don't know what to do - I get so upset about that as I can't decide anything

I don't have a scan picture I wish I had asked for one, but we will be collecting our baby once the testing for molar pregnancy has been done, and I am knitting a little blanket to wrap him up in x I do refer to the baby as a boy for some reason. It feels right to do so xx I think it's lovely what you have planned xx that's really lovely

I blame myself, I hate myself I keep thinking what did I do wrong I know in my heart I didn't do anything but I need to get angry with something and I just can't l.

[RoTo72]

U did nothing wrong. Sometimes the universe is cruel. We're renting our house so I didn't want to bring remains home to bury in garden as I couldn't bare to move on without my angel. The Royal hospital here in Belfast bury the remains in a local cemetery. It has a lost baby garden with seating and a mummy and daddy tree u can go visit and leave msgs etc. I like the idea of that. Like u I find myself breaking down constantly. The idea of going outside fills me with dread incase someone talks to me and I start again. I wont be ttc. This wee ba wasn't planned, but was still loved and wanted. I couldnt go thru this again. Too old.

[EllieJayJay]

That sounds like a lovely place X how lovely they have that X I am so pleased that the hospital gives you this option these days.

I think we will try to cremate the remains and scatter in the place baby was conceived, it's a beautiful hotel and has a lovely lake - pretty sure it was there :)

I desperately want a baby, am old at 38 but am going to try again - for me I think it will be the only way to make it better although I feel so guilty, even thinking about making love - although have found in the past 24 hours I've been desperate to be close to my partner.

I know really I didn't do anything wrong, but I think it's natural to question everything and to blame someone and the only person I feel I can blame is me, now this is silly and I need to stop it X

[RoTo72]

U do. Now is the time to be kind to yourself. Do what you need and no guilt. Iv been so clingy to my partner. Cried full on cos he had to work yesterday, he had taken time off this week to be with me. Im not normally like that, prob freaking him out, but I think it has brought us closer. Couldnt face dtd yet, tho I thinks that's cos I'm bleeding and sore.

[EllieJayJay]

I couldn't bear the thought of it a few days ago, my bleeding stopped and then suddenly became desperate - was very emotional experience and today I'm a crying mess and just want to be cuddled which is not like me either x

[RoTo72]

Sending you a virtual -hug- x

[BelleJoy73]

for all the brave ladies here. None of us did anything wrong, we must remember that.
I still haven't had any signs yet that my body ls letting go and I feel stuck in that awful limbo of knowing there's still somethig inside me which shouldn't be there and needs to come out soon, but don't know when.

Levels have definitely dropped so I know there's no hope.

Sending you all virtual hugs and handholding. xxx.

[EllieJayJay]

Big hugs Ro xx and big hugs to you too Belle X

Gosh this is all so very sad xx Are you going to have medical intervention if it is confirmed? Which I pray for you it is not xx

I had terrible contractions for about 10 hours it was very painful they thought I had an eptopic pregnancy to begin with and even offered me morphine (wish I'd taken it) it was also very distressing giving birth to my tiny baby and even more terrible pulling him out of the toilet I didn't know I was miscarrying for sure and happened so quickly - althoughit wasn't confirmed I think in my heart I knew as they dated him a week earlier than expected and I know it wasn't possible as my DP was away that week... If I could have chosen I wouldn't go through that knowing what I know now.

[RoTo72]

Oh Belle that's why I went for eprc. I was terrified. Elle that's an awful experience for you to go thru. Miscarriage really is quite barbaric both on our bodies and emotionally. Iv going between utter despair and raging anger today.

[MummyC92]

Hi everyone!

I also would have been due in July2016 and lost our baby last Tuesday

Big hugs to you all , I feel I am dealing with it the best as can be, I can accept now that the little one just was not meant to be.. Although I am finding the little things hard, seeing pregnant women and babies, and I'm finding it hard facing things for the first time since not being pregnant if that makes sense! Going back to work this week felt awful as I kept thinking about how I felt the previous week how excited I was. Hoping this will fade in time!
X

[RoTo72]

Massive hugs mummy, it will take time x

[BelleJoy73]

hugs mummy, Ellie. RoTo and everyone else.
I have to wait for Saturday for the confirmation but surely after seeing a heartbeat at 6 weeks and then 3 weeks later no heartbeat and only a few days growth, there really can't be any doubt. I think I will decide to go down the medical route. Such nasty business either way.
I know what mummy means about seeing other pregnant women and babies. It hurts, doesn't it.
Be strong.
Sending hugs xx.