do i have the right to grieve???

(6 Posts)
stucky Tue 20-Oct-15 17:07:40

Hi,
I don't know if this is the right place to post this. I feel pregnant whilst I was in a very violent and volatile relationship almost 5 years ago. We already had a 5 month old and despite being on the pill I conceived. My now ex partner told me that if I didn't have an abortion he'd throw me down the stairwell ( we lived on the top floor of a block of flats) and abort the baby that way, one way or another he wasn't having another baby. So I did it. I had an abortion and gad a marina coil fitted at the same time. He hit me when I cried after the abortion and i learned not to mention it pretty quickly.
We've been apart for 3 years thank god but I still grieve for my baby. I cried today and imagine what she'd look like or how she'd look. I don't know how to move on. I had my coil refitted today and it bought it all home again. Do I have the right to grieve the baby?

ohmyeyebettymartin Tue 20-Oct-15 17:09:21

Of course you do flowers

I'm sorry, I have no helpful words, but yes you do have the right to grieve. Absolutely.

Brenna24 Tue 20-Oct-15 19:19:48

Yes absolutely. I really feel for you, it must have been so hard for you at the time and that is a wound that can eat away at you from the inside until you do put is to rest. I don't have any words of wisdom to help but I think you are very within your rights to cry for your lost one and grieve like the rest of us. Can you do something as a memorial for the wee one? Even something as simple as going for a walk somewhere and lighting a candle? Or maybe buy a teddy and put it somewhere? Or perhaps give a donation to a relevant charity. Is there someone you can talk to about it in real life? Have a virtual hug from me and go and get a real one from someone.

caza25 Tue 20-Oct-15 19:41:45

You so have the right to grieve. You were very much the victim. I am sorry for your lose but I am also glad to see that you have managed to get out, which I can imagine wasn't easy. The whole situation must be so hard. Maybe you could try some counselling? Big hugs. X

Sophia1984 Tue 20-Oct-15 21:28:27

As everyone else has said - of course you do. That must have been a horrific position to be in and you didn't have a choice because of his violence. I'm so glad you had the strength to get out of that relationship - have you been able to get counselling since? That might help you come to terms with things xx

stucky Thu 29-Oct-15 04:01:43

Hi ladies,
Thanks so much for your responses. I have wrestled with this over the past few weeks and have decided to have a small service on a beach so I can lay it to rest and mourn the baby properly. I decided to seek counseling. I think its just triggered a lot of memories and I need to explore then for peace of mind And lay them to rest in order to move forward.

I really appreciate you taking the time to share your kind words and compassion. It really did help.
I'm very grateful xxxc

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