Missed miscarriage

[DizzyMerry]

I went for my 12 week scan today. Was given the devastating news that there was no heartbeat and the baby stopped growing at 8 weeks. My head is all over the place at the moment. They gave me options of how to miscarry and I opted for medical management after the Dr said this is what they mostly recommend first. I wanted some time to process the news so booked it for Friday. I'm now worried about it being a brutal experience and the amount of pain. Also don't think I could pass out my baby like this. Will my waters break? Will it feel like labour? I'm now thinking I should go for the surgical option instead. I have a DD to look after and although I have loads of support I'm worried about it being a long drawn out process. I'm an emotional wreck and just can't think straight.

Would appreciate experiences from others who have unfortunately had to go through this. Did you have medical management and how was it? Is surgery the better option?

[Battleshiphips2]

I'm sorry you're going through this op. I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks last year but if just happened naturally. All I can say is that mine felt like a very bad period. I don't know if it will be any different with medical management. Sorry I can't offer more help. Hopefully someone with experience of it will be along shortly.

[Considerphebas]

Hi dizzy sorry to hear about your loss.
I had a mmc 2 weeks ago- pregnancy measured 8 weeks. I went for medical management and whilst yes it was painful and there was a lot of blood and some very large clots (hand sized) it was manageable with ibuprofen and 2 hot water bottles. Tha pain felt more like Labour pain (heaviness and cramping) but no where near as bad and I didn't feel a lot more pain when passing the sack etc just a need to push down a little. I did have to go back in a week later as some clots got stuck and had to be removed via forceps- that was vet painful! The miscarriage isn't complete yet so I may still need a d&c.
DS stayed with grandparents the day & night I had the misoprostol which helped- mu mum stayed with me for a week which really helped- I was exhausted and just sat on the sofa watching grand designs, I wouldn't have wanted to be alone though as I felt very wobbly.
I'm now back on a staggered return to work and still very tired. The sadness has dulled down a little but I feel very low.
My tips would be:
Get lots of help
Lots of hot water bottles & chocolate
Liquid iron supplement
Be gentle on yourself

[Considerphebas]

Ps please ask any questions- I wasn't prepared for mine and that made it more scary!

[DizzyMerry]

Thanks for your replies and I'm so sorry you had to go through the pain of a mc.

I'm definitely not prepared and I've scared myself by googling. I have been told that they will probably keep me in overnight as they have booked me in for the afternoon. It might sound pathetic but I just don't think I could deal with the physical pain along with the emotional heartbreak. I think more than anything it's the pain and passing my baby out like that that makes it so very scary.

[Considerphebas]

Good luck and please take it easy! I thought I'd bounce back (not my first mc) but this one really took it our of me physically and mentally, I definitely got a hormone crash about 2 days later.
Ps cannot reccomend a hot water bottle enough! I'd stake one even if you're having a d&c as it helped with aches and was generally good to cuddle

[Princesspond]

I've just had a mmc this week and chose the surgical option. I was very worried particularly as had to have a GA but it was all fine, far more bearable than I had anticipated. In a way it was all more timetabled arrived at hosp for 7.30 was discharged by 1 pm. DP could collect the children from school. I rested up with hot water bottle for the rest of the day. Obviously emotionally I am an absolute wreck that isn't going to be fixed so easily but I felt like I had some control over the physical part.

I'm so sorry you are going through this as well, it is so much worse than I ever could have imagined

[Sophia1984]

I'm so sorry for your loss - it must have been a horrible shock. This thread has a lot of advice about coping with the physical side of miscarriage - I hope it helps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/1344311-Tips-for-coping-with-the-practicalities-of-miscarriage

[amymb86]

I began miscarrying naturally after having a mmc at 11weeks but the baby had stopped growing at 8+4. I bled like a period but with clots for about 2 days but then was in a lot of pain so went to the hospital. My body had trouble passing the bigger clots. I went into hospital at 9am on Monday and got to leave at around 11pm. I had the medical management with the oral and vaginal tablets as there was still a little tissue. I felt really tired and run down for around a week after and took some tonic called metatone from boots. I had quite a lot of rest that week to recover.
The only issue with the natural mc is that I continued to bleed for around 2 weeks after and my hcg is only just non-pregnant levels 6 weeks after mc. My friend who works in the gyno ward at a hospital (and who also went through mmc) did recommend that I have a D&C as lots who have medical management have to go on to have a D&C anyway. I didn't have one as by the time they'd scanned me I'd lost most of the tissue anyway.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. If you have any questions, just ask. These forums provide a lot of support and answers that sometimes you don't get from family and friends (in my experience)

[TwinklyMusic]

Hi DizzyMerry, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I am too, and feeling crap. Went for a scan this week following some bleeding, and found it was a mmc. They couldn't offer me medical or surgical management as the scan showed a pregnancy that was too early to determine whether it was viable or not. They said they would have to rescan in a week. But I was certain I was 9 weeks, so we knew to prepare ourselves. They believed us, and, as kindly as possible, prepared us for what was to come.

But it is my third mc in total, and my second mmc. So we knew what was to come... it started almost as we left the EPU.

It's been a bad week, with a lot of pain and clots and bleeding. Most of the scary bits happened when I was on the toilet, which was so full of blood I couldn't see the clots and sac etc, I just felt them passing. (Sorry if TMI, but it's hard to let you know without!). It's been hard, but I'm getting thought it. The emotional side is a different story...

I had surgical management the last time I had a mmc, and it really worked for me. It's awful waiting, but I had a general anaesthetic and then it was all done and dusted when I woke up. I would have chosen that again if I had the choice this time, but the sad truth is that there is no easy way of doing this... it's just horrible.

If they are keeping you in, then having the nurses support you will be helpful. I've never been given that option.

Anyway... Lots of empathy from me...

[DizzyMerry]

I am so sorry that others have had to go through this traumatic experience. I'm still dithering whether to go with the medical or surgical procedure. I have a DD and I'm just worried about having the general anaesthetic. I have a fear of being knocked out by it. The medical management also scares me too. It's not an easy choice to make. I just don't know what to do. I have phoned the hospital and will need to go for bloods on Monday if I want the surgical option and then they will let me know when they can fit me in for the surgical procedure. At least with the medical management it could be done today but I worry about going through that process. I really need to make my mind up and just can't seem to do it.

[TwinklyMusic]

Sorry, DizzyMerry, I'm afraid my post might have been a bit 'me, me, me'. Forgive me - but I think we ladies are allowed to be a bit self centred when dealing with loss like this!

I re-read your op again and I think my last mmc is more similar to your current experience. I had my 12 week scan at just past 13 weeks. We had just missed seeing the heartbeat - baby measured 12 weeks and 4 days or something like that and looked perfect, but there was no heartbeat.

I was in shock, and so I know exactly how you felt that day. I don't remember now what advice we were given. I think I was like you and dreaded the thought of a labour type experience, so I eventually went for the surgical option.

I had two children, and, like Princesspond, we were out by lunchtime so DH could pick them up from school while I cried cuddled up in bed.

I really empathise with you saying you are an emotional wreck (as someone who has spent all morning crying!). It's normal, please go easy on yourself.

I am really glad you are getting some RL support. It's a really hard thing to go through, and take help from wherever you can get it.

I'm sorry it sounds cliched, but time will help, honest (and I am saying that for myself as much as for you and the other ladies who are going though or just have been through this!).

[TwinklyMusic]

Dizzy - x post.

The GA is not a heavy one. You will come around quite quickly after the procedure. The only thing they say is that you shouldn't drive after, so they insist on knowing how you are getting home from the hospital. I was able to talk to and cuddle my DC that evening. I took it easy for a few dats after, but I could still do things with the DC.

The disadvantage is the wait. I had to wait ages before they had a slot for me and I found it quite traumatic. Medical management can be booked in faster, but as other posters have said, it might not mean everything passes and you have to have a D&C anyhow.

I'm so sorry I can't give you an easy answer.

[DizzyMerry]

We're definitely allowed to be self centred twinkly. I'm really sorry you've had to go through this three times. It's horrific enough once. I really just want it over with but need to make a decision how I go about that. I'm now leaning more towards the medical management because I have a fear of GA even though I've had two prior to DD being born. Now I have her I don't want to go through that fear of not waking up afterwards. The pain does scare me with medical management but I'll have the nurses and DH around. I'm devastated that only have I had to go through this I'm left with an awful decision to make of how to miscarry.

[Princesspond]

I feel the same, it's bad enough loosing a baby, but then to have to make a decision about how to do it seems too cruel. When I think what I've been through the last week (this time last week I was nervously waiting for a scan worried about my receeding nausea) I can barely believe it. Christ knows where we all get the strength from.

[TwinklyMusic]

Yes, I totally agree.

And another thing for me was having to contact the GP to arrange a sick note for work. I'm a basket case this week and can't face the thought of sitting in the waiting room, alongside heavily pregnant ladies and tiny new borns. And it probably wouldn't do them any good to see me sobbing in the corner!

I think the hospital should automatically give you a sick cert for a couple of weeks because it would be one less thing to stress about while we get our heads around what is happening.

Dizzy, I found the pain to be worse than period pain, but not nearly as bad as labour. If you are being given proper pain relief at the hospital, you should be ok. Just bring plenty of things to pamper yourself with while you are going through it. A thoughtful and supporting DH makes a huge difference! Mine is great for cups of tea, hand holding and fielding off curious questions about why I'm not myself. (He's also got me lots of chocolate, but I'm just not in a chocolate place!).

[Princesspond]

Twinkly I totally agree re sick note, getting one at the hosp would be one less thing to stress about.

Though I have to say I asked for a telephone call with the GP in the end and he was really good. Called me back during surgery time and after I told him he just said how long do you want off? I have no idea when I'm going to feel up to going back to work. Just so sad that I'd only seen the GP a couple of weeks earlier to discuss pregnancy

[TwinklyMusic]

I did the same today Princesspond, and my GP was also very nice (even though I was almost incomprehensible o. The phone...it's so embarrassing to have lost my ability to coherently articulate what's happening). She's left the cert for my DH to pick up and I can go back if I need more time. It would have been easier though if it was automatically sorted via the hospital as part of the bits and bobs they give you (and would have saved some valuable GP time!).

Yes, it is hard to remember that just a short few weeks ago I beamed my news to the GP and discussed ante natal care options.

[DizzyMerry]

I decided to go for the ERPC as I just want some closure and can't bear the thought of medical management and waiting around for things to start. It's booked for Thursday. Bleeding started over the weekend but it's not heavy.

Thanks sophia for the link. Reading that thread has helped.

[TwinklyMusic]

Good luck with it Dizzy. I honestly found the procedure was fine. Indeed, the anaesthetic was nicely soporific, and I felt released from the tension of the previous days.

If things start up in the meantime, we're here to hand hold.

[DizzyMerry]

Thanks so much twinkly. It's so sad that so many of us have been/are going through this but the support is so comforting. The advice on here and on the 'practical advice' thread has kept me sane these past few days.

[DizzyMerry]

The bleeding has got heavier with some stringy clots. What should I do re the ERPC? Go for it or just wait for nature to take it's course?

[DizzyMerry]

The bleeding continues to get heavier and the pains intensified. I started getting contractions and got the sudden urge to rush to the loo. Got a huge gush and passed the sac. The pains stopped immediately after this. Bleeding is still a bit heavy but nowhere near as bad as it was. It was traumatic but the worst was over in about 3 hours. I was sat on the loo for most of that time and wasn't expecting to see so much blood akin to a blood bath. Got back into bed just after 1am but not slept at all since. I just feel so sad and empty. I panicked and started shaking so quickly flushed the toilet as soon as I passed the sac and now the thought of having flushed my baby and my baby being gone is killing me. I don't know how I'll ever get over this. The tears just won't stop. DH was with me throughout it all and he's now fast asleep. I'm so tired but just can't sleep.

[Ahhhcantthinkofagoodname]

So sorry to hear what you've gone through dizzy. I had a MMC earlier this year (found out at 9 weeks that bAby died at 7). I had medical management and physically for me, it was pretty much what you describe above.

Sorry if it's TMI (am telling you this in case it helps) but I fished around in the toilet bowl after passing some bigger stuff that went plop and couldn't find the baby. Nonetheless I still felt terrible flushing.

I have been where you are and it is shit. Your body has been through a lot so do rest and eat and drink loads. Emotionally it's horrible especially with hormones crashing around. For me it worked to "wallow" for a few days spending a lot of time online finding out about miscarriage etc and then when I felt physically up to it, to try to return to "normal". The sadness and pain do lessen with time.

On a practical note, you want to check everything has passed, difficult to tell straightaway but hopefully the bleeding will gradually tail off. After I had passed the sac I had heavy period style bleeding that decreased to nothing over 10 days or so. Unfortunately I was still getting positive pregnancy tests 3 weeks later but a scan confirmed everything had passed. Keep an eye on your bleeding and go back to GP or ask for hospital appointment if you are worried you haven't passed everything. Hopefully you won't need to though!

Take care of yourself and do what you need to do to get through this.

[WendyTorrance]

I'm so sorry, Merry. I've been there myself. What the above poster has written is right. Look after yourself and best wishes for the future

[TwinklyMusic]

Oh Dizzy I am SO sorry! It is very hard to go through this. I went through almost exactly the same thing a week ago, although the toilet was so full of blood I couldn't see the sac. I wasn't brave enough to fish around like Ahhhcant, and so don't know which 'flush' was The One. But it it didn't stop me feeling guilty and terrible.

You are likely to cry a lot over the next couple of weeks - a mixture of grief and hormones. Be kind to yourself and just know it's ok to feel like that.

You will need to contact the ERPC and tell them what happened. They will want to scan you again to see if your uterus has completely emptied. They will test you to see if you are still testing positive, and be prepared that you probably will be for another week or two. It takes the hormone levels in your body quite a while to adjust.

Keep posting if you need support. I have found this forum to be more helpful than anything in real life (bar, for a previous mc, some friends who went through the same thing as me at the same time...).