How do you cope?

[Crocs2007]

Hi everyone new here and would like some advice. I had a mmc 6 weeks ago and thought I had handled it well not forgotten but was moving forward. We have close family member who has had a baby recently, how do you cope with the thoughts that they have their baby and you know you will not have yours?

[Miloarmadillo1]

It must still be raw for you right now, so cut yourself some slack. Having jealous thoughts does not make you a horrible person. Try to remember that babies are not rationed and that them having a baby does not make it any less likely that you will have one in future. It's often easier once the baby arrives and you can see it has mum's green eyes, Dad's red hair etc I.e. It is nothing like your baby. It's ok to take a step back if you find seeing them tough, send a nice card and a gift and just say you'll meet the baby when you are ready. Mostly it's just time that takes the sting out

[Considerphebas]

Hi Crocs
I'm currently having my third miscarriage but first mmc. Each one has been different in terms of coping but I would say time helps a lot, also give yourself permission to feel sad, angry and jealous. I thought some horrible things at times about how unfair it had all been and why hadn't it happened to someone else etc (although I wish it hadn't happened to anyone) and then felt that I was a terrible person who didn't deserve a baby for thinking those thoughts.
Sometimes I avoided anything baby related and at other times I gorged on baby stuff- making pinterest lists and sort of poking at the pain in a way.
I also bought a little baby toy for this pregnancy and cuddling that has helped weirdly- I wanted to remember them even if very few other people knew they were ever there.
Be kind to yourself, you never go back exactly to the way you were but it's gets easier and 'softer' as time goes on

[HappyBeet86]

Sadly one of the few things I'm an expert on!

I'm on my tenth pregnancy right now, have had 8 mc's ranging from first to late second trimester ( bicornulate uterus with a full septum)bLuckily blessed with dd who's two.

It's really important to give yourself a break. Your human and you will most likely feel jealous, anger or bitterness towards pregnant woman. I'm at the stage now where I can feel happy for them after the initial surge of the green eyed monster.

The worst thing I ever thought was 'I wish they'd have a mc just so they know how I feel!' I kicked myself about that beauty for months. Now I know it's a lovely thing that some people never have to experience mc or stillbirth but you think unreasonable things when you are stressed.

Also can I urge you that if you don't feel better after a few months to maybe see someone about some counselling. I made myself very ill trying to put on a brave face and we really shouldn't.

You've suffered a huge loss, an entire future you'd imagined. You need time and support to get over that.

( sorry for the essay, subject close to my heart!)

[Crocs2007]

Thank you all your messages really appreciate them. I hope in time that the pain will lessen and that any feelings I have of jealousy and anger will subside.

[cremeeggboycotter]

It hurts like hell OP, be kind to yourself. It does lessen but I don't know when it goes.