Complications, Frustration, Sex, after MC?

[sjd114]

Hi everyone.

I've had a bit of a rough time recently.. (some of you may of seen my posts)
I started bleeding, so went to EPU.. They scanned and said I was having a miscarriage, and took blood for levels etc. Went back, levels were high still.. so re-scanned. Told me the sac had grown and I had 50/50 chance of it sticking!?
Went back a week later, another scan.. I'd lost the baby. Had to have medical management as wasn't happening naturally.. first set of tablets didn't bloody work!! Had to go back for a 2nd dose, which worked - never in my life have a felt pain like it. :( not sure if anything passed, as they told me the sac had collapsed. . So not really sure.. got to go back today, another scan & I'm just petrified. I can't take those tablets again. I just can't. :( it's been going on for about a month now. I've stopped bleeding.. I feel physically fine, just mentally tired if that makes sense?

But what I really wanted to ask is, When can I have sex again? I miss the intamicy with my OH. (He's been so understanding )
& also, when did you try again after a MC?

Lots of hugs to all of you going through such a tough time.

X

[KittyandTeal]

Unless the doc have told you otherwise there's no reason you can't have sex now. Most docs say wait one cycle before ttc again but that's mainly for dating purposes if you get pregnant straight away.

I'm sorry you've had such a rough time recently

[chelle792]

I feel so much for you right now. I miscarried ten days ago.

I am desperate for intimacy with OH. It's my comfort and it grounds me. OH jokes that to keep me happy he needs to make sure I have sleep, food and sex.

The doctor told me that once I've stopped bleeding it's medically ok. The risk of infection is higher when still bleeding as it's kinda (in my thinking) a wound that needs to heal. She said things are 'open'.

My problem is OH doesn't want to attempt the intimacy yet. He said emotionally we aren't ready and medically he's not happy to yet.

Does your OH want intimacy? You'll probably get more info at your scan today if you ask. Let us know how it goes? x

[sjd114]

Hi Chelle I'm sorry for your loss.
I am too, I just miss the closeness etc. . Sleep food & sex = happy. Hah. Bless him.
They said I could have sex whenever I'm mentally ready as the scan confirmed everything was ok down there & it's finally complete.

I have stopped bleeding now, just worried that having sex will start it again. If that makes sense.

My Oh is ready as he misses the intimacy, so will see how it goes over the next few days I guess.

Hope all is well.
X

[chelle792]

Sent you a pm x

[bonzo77]

Sorry for your loss.

I asked the nurse when we could dtd again whilst I was recovering from an erpc. She said wait till we got home! And better still till the bleeding stops. Use contraception until you get a negative pregnancy test, just in case you get pregnant before your period arrives, you want to be sure that your BFP is a new one not residual hormones from the MC.

DH and I did a lot of hysterical shagging bonding after our MC. Some people need to wait and grieve. We both needed to be pregnant again before the due date. We were. I had my 12 week scan on that day!

[WorriedSick2015]

I can so relate to this. I had a miss on Friday night but couldn't have anything confirmed via scan until Monday. I was ok the day I was told but as the days have gone on I feel myself sinking deeper. It doesn't help that I've been shopping with OH and passed all the lovely newborn clothes or people pushing babies in prams. I'm happy for them - I wouldn't wish this on anyone but I feel so gutted and angry that it isn't me. Why was the outcome different for me??

I constantly long for close intimacy with OH - I find being close to him - even just cuddling together helps with the pain.

[cremeeggboycotter]

We were told once the bleeding stops it was fine but using condoms was a good idea for us, one to not get pregnant before the first cycle and two, to reduce the chance of an infection.

[Northernlight22]

We've been using condoms until my first period, but we did have sex after the bleeding stopped and my head was in the right place. Haven't had baby making sex yet though, think that may be a bit more of a hurdle to get over.

[chelle792]

We still haven't had sex yet. OH said tonight that he's happy to continue not to. I have no idea when /if. Don't get me wrong, a miscarriage at 11 weeks has broken me but he just isn't getting better

[Starkswillriseagain]

My DH took a long time too chelle, he was terrified of getting me pregnant again and he carried a lot of guilt thinking he was to blame- in his mind he did 'this' to me and failed to protect me/us. Perhaps your OH feels similar?

[chelle792]

You might be right there. He's now said he wants to continue to abstain until after the wedding (in a month!)

[NumbBlaseCold]

Oh yikes chelle that is a while.

If it is because he is worried about getting you pregnant could you use contraception, condoms maybe?

If that is the worry then maybe without it he'll want sex?

[chelle792]

He said it was 'too risky ' and that we Aren't ready. I don't think he even wants to use condoms. He isn't keen on them and we've always use natural family planning methods with the feeling that if it happens then we will be happy.

I think he's more ready in the last couple of days but just committed to the idea of waiting until the honeymoon now.

I'm happy enough with the decision. It's not ideal but I won't do any harm, I guess.

[chelle792]

numb the miscarriage was end of August so it's turning into a very long time!

[NumbBlaseCold]

Good luck Chelle.

I hope that it is a lovely wedding night and you get your Rainbow baby.