Miscarriage at 20 weeks

[marmiteontoast76]

We had our 20 week scan yesterday and were given the devastating news that the baby had died - possibly several weeks before. We are in complete shock and are due back to hospital for delivery at midday tomorrow. I'm at home today with my other two children who are 6 and 4. I can't stop crying and replaying the moment we heard the news over and over in my head.

I'm 38 years old, very nearly 39. I feel like this was my last chance for a third child. We also received the news that this could have been a partial molar pregnancy for which I could need months of further treatment.

I am dreading tomorrow. I'm not sure how to cope with the trauma of it and how to ever get over this. It's helping to get these words out. Never thought this would happen as the pregnancy was going so well.

Be nice to hear if anyone has been through similar and if this pain gets any easier.

[maybebabybee]

OP am so sorry. Have not been through a late miscarriage but didn't want to read and run. to you and your family.

FWIW one of my colleagues, aged 40, had a late MC at 19 weeks last year and has just given birth to a healthy baby boy. It's not your last chance.

[marmiteontoast76]

Thank you Maybebaby. That's lovely to hear about your colleague. At the moment I can't bear the thought of another pregnancy with 14 weeks of morning sickness, but it's early days to be thinking about it - just have to get through tomorrow which will prob be one of the hardest things I will ever go through.

[KittyandTeal]

I'm so sorry you have been through this. We lost dd2 at 22 weeks, we had a tfmr as she had T18.

I cannot give you advice but I can give you sympathy and say I understand (as much as anyone can) how awful you are feeling.

I'm only 33 but my risk of all trismoies has now risen greatly and rises with each year I get older. We are currently ttc but only half heartedly tbh. I'm still not entirely sure I can go through pregnancy again, not after our loss.

[ThePopAndCry]

I am really sorry to hear of your loss . We lost our dd in February after we found out at the 20 week scan that she had died, probably at 17 weeks. We now think it was because of APS but we'll never really know.

It is heartbreaking and cruel; the most difficult thing I have had to go through. However, the raw grief, anger and awful sense of loss is slowly being replaced by a gentler sadness.

I hope you are getting lots of support from the hospital, friends and family. I will be thinking of you tomorrow. x

[ThePopAndCry]

I'm sorry, that should read today.

[TitusAndromedon]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how devastated you must be.

I haven't experienced a late miscarriage, but I have had a molar pregnancy. Mine was complete, so it was discovered much earlier, but I am aware of the possible need for treatment and complications.

I just wanted to reassure you as much as possible that it is very likely that the situation will resolve itself very quickly. The majority of women who suffer partial molar pregnancies see their HCG levels drop within weeks and don't require any further treatment. Although my molar was complete, and it took several weeks for my hormone levels to return to normal, I didn't need any further treatment.

I know there is a long-running thread on MN with lots of information about molar pregnancy, and both Charing Cross and Sheffield Hospitals, which monitor and treat molar pregnancies, have information on their websites.

Please feel free to contact me if you want to. Again, I'm so sorry that you are going through this, and I hope you are being well supported and looked after.

[Considerphebas]

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. We found out on Friday at our 12 week scan that baby had stopped growing. This I'd my 4th loss and each one took a lot out of me mentally and physically, I came down with every bug going but found taking floradix and vitamins helped physically. Mentally the only thing that helped was time. Right now I feel like the crying will never stop , but eventually I know it will.

[marmiteontoast76]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. I'm so sorry to hear about your loses too.

Our baby was delivered on Saturday evening. The labour wasn't physically painful but the emotional pain is huge. I haven't stopped crying since. They think he was a boy but was so tiny that it was hard to tell but tests will hopefully confirm this. We got to hold him in a little basket and say our goodbyes. The hospital staff were incredibly supportive.

I've woken up every morning since hoping it's all a terrible dream. Today is hard - all the family who were here helping have now gone home and now I have to get through the next week somehow until we get some test results.

Once we know the sex we can name the baby. It feels really strange naming him/her as she died at around 14 weeks and only weighed 35 grams, but feels like he was older as I carried him for 20 weeks. It was only a few weeks ago I was over the moon because my dh had agreed to the boys name I've loved for years and now this name will never be used for a live child.

Sorry to ramble, I'm just still so heartbroken.

[eastegg]

I'm so sorry marmite.

I lost my baby nearly 4 weeks ago at 16 weeks. I also have 2 DCS already and like you feel this was my last chance, perhaps for slightly different reasons from you as it's mainly a case of my DH not wanting another. I'm not sure I would necessarily want to put myself through it either though, I'm 41 so at the very least there'd be loads of appointments, tests and worry.

It's so hard isn't it. I'd like to say it gets gradually better but it's more up and down than that. Sometimes I feel fine, it helps to be busy but not too busy, but there are still quite a lot of tears. It's all the reminders everywhere, I don't know about you but literally everything is a reminder, I'm hoping that will lessen eventually.

I'm really glad I held my baby as you did, I wasn't sure but decided the following day that I would.

I'm rambling really,but I wanted to say I really feel for you.

So sorry as well for everyone else's losses.

[marmiteontoast76]

I'm so sorry to hear all that Eastegg. 4 weeks on is not long so it's not surprising that you are still up and down. Do you work and if so have you gone back?

I really like my job but at the moment the thought of ever going back is awful. We have also nearly completed our house renovations to include an extra room which would have been the babies room, so there are now reminders everywhere.

[eastegg]

I went back straightaway but it was only for 2 days and then thankfully I had a holiday in the diary anyway, which was with my family and parents, then bank holiday weekend, then back to work as normal. I thought I was OK but I was under a lot of pressure today (as happens quite a lot in my job!) and I nearly lost it. I'm just getting through by the seat of my pants really. You should take the time you are entitled to, I hope you have an understanding employer. I'm self employed and in a different position.

I suppose a lot of people knew about your pregnancy? That must bring it's own difficulties. Only family knew about mine. So although I don't have to tell anyone now (although I have told the person at work who needed to know what a mess I may be in) it feels very lonely that no-one else has a clue what's happened. It's unbelievable how hard it is to tell someone who hasn't any idea I was even pg. But you must be going through hell having to tell people what's happened.

There are so many similarities here as we too have just had work done on the house. It's heartbreaking isn't it.

Wishing you all the best in getting through this.

[marmiteontoast76]

Just a quick update. Over a week since the delivery and still no results, only one which said it wasn't toxoplasmosis that caused this (which I knew anyway).

We've been told maybe another week for any more results to come back. So for now lots more laying in bed all day eating chocolate, drinking tea and getting other mums to do the school run for me, whilst random builders come and go downstairs.

Still so tearful too and these wicked hormones are all over the place.

[marmiteontoast76]

.....and far too much googling. I must have visited every "causes of late miscarriage" and "partial molar pregnancy" page that exists.