endo/adeno early miscarriage

[Robinni]

Hi,

I've stage 4 endometriosis and adenomyosis. Been through 4 ops and a number of treatments. A few months ago we were told I needed surgery again and this time there would be a risk of hysterectomy. So we came off birth control (even though this isn't a good idea for me healthwise) because we needed to at least try. We were told if we weren't pregnant in four months we'd begin tests/ivf process so were completely focused this. As far as we knew pregnancy was unlikely, partially as we can't have sex often as it causes me pain.

We found out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago, after 1 month of 'trying', and I miscarried 1 week ago (5weeks). I am giving myself a hard time about it, I hadn't had periods in two years as was put on hormone injections/pill back to back so I attributed any pregnancy symptoms ie. Bloating/pain/nausea to endo stuff because to be frank I am really used to it. I am analysing everything I did and didn't do because I didn't think we had a chance of becoming pregnant ie. Having a few glasses of wine on my bday, eating parma ham, going in a sauna etc.

On the plus side we are amazed it happened at all and it does give us some hope. However when we found out it was like six years of hell were lifted off our shoulders, we felt free and happier than we ever have been, we loved the baby so much.
I have no idea what is normal for early miscarriage, I bled heavily for a few days and then it tailed off, I was also nauseous. Now I'm just tired, emotions have hit and having some pain too.

We were in a department store today to leave back a wedding gift that was damaged. Several other couples who were also married last year where waiting in line ahead of us, most heavily pregnant. The couple in front were having twins gushing about it. My husband and I had to turn our backs and the pain was written over both of our faces. It's so hard to go through so much and not be able to get well just because we have no kids (I need a hysterectomy to get better but docs won't sign off on it because I'm so young and no babies). When you see someone handed 2 children on a silver platter when you're enduring hell it's a real kick in the teeth. What has been comforting is my husband has exactly the same feelings as me and we've never been closer.

I don't feel ready to try again straight away as, maybe this sounds odd as I was so early, I really miss the baby and physically feel awful. I don't know what's normal to feel and I'm really frightened about it happening again.

If you have any advice it would really help me. Thanks ladies xxx

[bakingtins]

Hi robin I'm really sorry you lost your baby. For most women that is exactly what a miscarriage feels like, no matter how early. As soon as you see a line on a test you are planning out your new life as a family of three. It's very normal to go through a grieving process for that loss and being sad, depressed, angry, jealous etc is all normal. Give yourself time and permission to feel however you do on any given day. You should feel physically better fairly quickly but emotional healing takes time. The guilt is very normal too, but please understand nothing you did or didn't do in early pregnancy caused this loss. I don't know enough about endometriosis to understand how it impacts on your chances of miscarriage, that's a question for your doctor, but in most cases a single miscarriage does not alter your chances of success 'next time'. I would suggest that you talk to them about how conceiving naturally affects the timing of future IVF etc, because it sounds like you need some time to come to terms with this without that added pressure. I hope it will be you shopping with a big bump very soon.

[BlackbirdOnTheWire]

Firstly, early MC is very common. Yes, your feelings are normal. It was nothing you did. I was told (and choose to believe!) that it's your body having a practice run....

Secondly, I also have endo and Adenomyosis, and PCOS too, just to make things more fun (65 day cycle but bleeding for 57 of those, for example). I've had three miscarriages, one of them early, the other two either confirmed or predicted at the 12w scan, but we always knew it wouldn't be easy. We also have two DC, aged almost 6 and 3. Without the miscarriages, I wouldn't have them. Obviously it's easier with hindsight, when you have the DC, but you need to have hope and keep trying. I think it's fantastic you conceived on the first month - our first positive wasn't for 2 years, though not sure how many times I actually ovulated in that time! - and, FWIW, both our DC were conceived first cycle after a mc. In DD's case, straight after finally miscarrying at 16w, so that was interesting giving last period date and trying to convince the doctors it was a new pregnancy and not retained products.

With DC2, they were waiting for the MC to be complete before booking me in for another lap/hyp/clearout, so I turned up for my pre-op scan telling them "errrrm... I feel really queasy and the pregnancy test went positive again this morning after a week of negatives...". Sure enough, there was a teeny little speck with a teeny little heartbeat, measuring 5w6. The op was cancelled .

Wishing you lots of luck, stay hopeful.