emotional roller coaster

[helensb123]

Hi.
I discover 2.5 weeks ago at a scan that there was no heartbeat. We already have 5 amazing kids and me and my husband had decided we were pretty much "done" but we would give it till Xmas this year and see if it happened. Maintain the view of if it happens it happens and if not it doesn't. I kept this same view after finding out about the pregnancy , I remained practical and kept thinking what will be will be, we will be happy either way. I even maintained this view after finding out about the miscarriage 2 weeks ago although I was sad and did have a little cry. unfortunately my body didn't recognise the miscarriage and I had to have medical management on Saturday just gone ( 4 days ago) I woke up Sunday morning feeling oddly positive about the future and relief from the lack of pregnancy symptoms I was still getting up till Saturday. I felt good Monday to and manage to do things I haven't been able to because of sickness like cooking. But yesterday and today I feel like I've been hit by all this emotion and I don't know how to return to the positive out look. I bawled my eyes out last night partly because of what's happened but also because of what's happening I am now in a situation where there will be no more "baby stuff" no more 1st birthdays no more breastfeeding etc. My 4th starts school in September and I'm sad for that were as a few weeks ago I was excited for her. And I just keep thinking it'll be my little one in 2 years.
I guess I'm sad for what's happened and scared for the future now. I just feel so close to tears at the moment and keep rethinking things in my head.
I don't think we will try again now & I don't think I really want to I feel it's my body's way of saying no more enough is enough. But I just don't know what's next? I do plan on going back to uni next sept but now I'm in all self doubt like what if I don't get in etc
I guess any advice from people in similar situation/people who decided to stop having kids and what to look forward to. I must sound so selfish I just feel all over the place.
Also doesn't help that 2 people I knew are currently pregnant due the same month I would have been one of which is my sister in law so I'm not sure how I'll feel then either so any advice about hw to be happy for other people would be great fully received.
Thank you
Helen z

[3under4]

helen I understand how you feel. I tarted to MC at 7 weeks last Friday, I have a scan on Friday I'm only going to make sure I do t get an infection. I know I'm so so blessed to have three Dd but my youngest starts school in September and I find the idea of not having a little one at home unbearable. I'm not sure if I want to put my body and my head through what I've been through this week again, but the thought of not having another baby really feels me with a deep sadness. I'm counting my blessings and concentrating on the next chapter of motherhood. All the love in the world x

[helensb123]

Thank you so much for replying and I'm sorry about your loss also. It's such a rubbish time as you start to get used to the way life will be everything changes and I guess I'm just struggling with the what's next thing. My husband is not keen on trying again and I do agree to an extent I would be so worried this would happen again or worse and it was further in the pregnancy as I said I do feel it's potentially my body's way of saying NO! But I jist can't imagine no more little babies :( I'm sure life will evolve and ill get passed it but it's just so hard to be positive at the moment :(
Xx