My neighbour had a stillterm - what do i do/say?

(9 Posts)
londonmummy13 Thu 02-Jul-15 11:22:23

i just heard today that my neighbour had given birth to a fullterm stillborn baby.

we're not very close as there is quite a large age gap between us, but we're on what i would call 'friendly neighbourly terms"

i'd love to send something in to her, or even just send her a text telling her i'm thinking about her, but i also don't want to do or say anything that will upset her, and to be honest i have no idea what the best way to behave is in such a sad situation.

any advise?

Laquila Thu 02-Jul-15 11:23:25

What about just sending a nice card and writing "thinking of you and your family", or similar?

mylaptopismylapdog Thu 02-Jul-15 11:29:44

Offer you condolences and maybe some food/help with any other kids. There is a charity sands for stillbirth looking at their website might help you to help them.

KittyandTeal Thu 02-Jul-15 18:00:51

I think a card with a thoughtful message will be lovely.

When we lost our dd2 at 22weeks I just wanted her acknowledged as a baby and a person. Cards with a 'sorry for you loss' type message were all lovely.

ChatEnOeuf Mon 13-Jul-15 12:46:10

We've just been through a stillbirth at 36 weeks. A card saying you're thinking of her and her partner (and DCs if there are any) would be appreciated I'm sure. An offer to listen if she wants to talk, and a real offer of help.

I've found people who say 'call if you need anything' don't get called - I don't have the energy to think about what I need, who might be able to provide it and to ask. I'm much more able to say 'yes thank you' to someone who offers a particular thing. Putting the bins out, making dinner, tending to the garden - all of those things would probably be welcome.

Longtalljosie Mon 13-Jul-15 12:50:59

You can't upset her more than she is. Send a card, ask the baby's name, and remember his or her birthday. If there are other children make a vat of bolognaise sauce and divide it up into the right number of portions in tubs for the freezer, so she can feed them good food with minimal effort. Don't worry if you hear nothing back. Try not to beat yourself up by being convinced everything you do is wrong and not good enough thanks

fallingoffthetoast Mon 13-Jul-15 13:03:03

A card to acknowledge the loss of their baby and practical help like leaving in a bag of shopping or a prepared meal. Poor lady

nannyplumislostinspace Mon 13-Jul-15 13:34:47

Chatenoeuve. So sorry to hear about your baby.

I lost my first 2 DSs (twins) in 2012.
The pain never goes away, but it does ease with time. Take care of yourself. X

ChatEnOeuf Thu 16-Jul-15 10:13:07

Thanks Nannyplum, sorry you're in the club too flowers

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