10 weeks, no heartbeat. What do I do now?

(29 Posts)
Bravelittlesoldier Sun 26-Apr-15 16:58:59

Hi,
I'd really appreciate some advice if possible- we had a private scan this morning and there was no heartbeat. I should be 10 weeks tomorrow and the sac was only measuring about 7 weeks. I can't speak to anyone in the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit until tomorrow and I am not sure what they will suggest. I've had no signs of miscarriage and still feel pregnant, so think I'm in shock. I just feel really cold and dizzy.

My worry is that I am due to go into hospital with DS2 (2yrs) tonight for a week. He is having treatment for cancer, and this phase is particularly gruelling. I am terrified the miscarriage will happen in hospital and it will be absolutely awful. I had a very early miscarriage in January but that it was very early and was more like a heavy period so horrible but manageable.

I'm sorry, I know I sound very cold but I don't know what I should do. When DS2 is hospital, DH and I usually alternate nights and I do all days as he's working too. I know nothing might happen for ages and I might need a D&C but won't know til I get into Epau. I have to leave for the hospital in a few hours and I think I'm just looking for advice or help. Sorry my post is muddled, my head feels like it's full of sand.

Jackie0 Sun 26-Apr-15 17:04:24

Can you speak to your out of hours gp?
You don't sound at all cold. You sound like someone holding it together in the face of immense difficulties.
Can your dh take some time off work?
I really think you need him with you.

Bravelittlesoldier Sun 26-Apr-15 17:13:30

Hi Jackie, thanks for replying. He's already taken days off this week - we had some unplanned scans for DS last week. He needs to be in work at least 3 days this week as I've had to take leave from my job so we need his job and their compassion is limited. We really need two people in hospital during the day as DS is in a lot of pain so can be difficult to manage alone. Usually my mum helps out but unfortunately she's away this week and MIL is minding DS1... I don't know what I should ask OOH as I think they'll say every case is individual. Sorry, that sounds like such a defeatist response

mrsmeerkat Sun 26-Apr-15 17:16:10

Oh my goodness, you don't sound cold, you sound so brave. Sorry about your child being sick and this second miscarriage sad

I think dh needs to take some Leave from work. Have you any family of close friends to help you.

mrsmeerkat Sun 26-Apr-15 17:17:20

Could you stay with ds1 so you are home and mil goes into the hospital to stay with your child having treatment.

Stoatystoat Sun 26-Apr-15 17:34:03

I am so sorry for everything you are going through.

I hope you can find some support.

I had a MMC in February and was given options to manage it, you might be given those same ones. It's all so uncertain isn't it? I could have opted for natural and could have been waiting until 12 weeks for that to happen apparently and if you waited it might be a while or need surgery at a later date. Most people I know who had a MMC found out at their 12 week scan. It was only my early one that picked it up.

You are being so brave

Jackie0 Sun 26-Apr-15 17:37:28

Or is there any provision made for emergency situations where someone could stay with your son at the hospital?
I'm thinking of Macmillan or something similar. There must be times when things go wrong for families and a child might need someone to sit with them.
Maybe that would be difficult for your son.
If your dh's employer knew what was going on I bet they would be happy to let him have leave. This really is an emergency situation op.

Bravelittlesoldier Sun 26-Apr-15 18:08:00

Thanks for your kind message mrsmeerkat I think DH will have to go in with him tonight as I feel awful. Just checked my BP and it's 173/120. I presume it's stress but I usually have high BP when pregnant. Phoned maternity A&E and they told me to come straight in so I think it's been taken out of my hands

Jackie0 Sun 26-Apr-15 18:15:46

I wish I could give you a hug.
They will take good care of you at the hospital.
Everything will be okay x

mrsmeerkat Sun 26-Apr-15 18:57:25

Ok op. Please let us know if you need anyone to talk to while you are in there.

Bravelittlesoldier Sun 26-Apr-15 20:30:34

Thanks so much for your lovely messages. Having BP monitored and waiting to see doctor now. Just feeling so sad and scared of what happens next.

Jackie0 Sun 26-Apr-15 20:53:48

When is your mum back op?
Can you call her?
It must feel so lonely for you but it's the safest place to be right now.

Ahhhcantthinkofagoodname Sun 26-Apr-15 21:14:05

So sorry about what you are going through brave...

I also found out I had a MMC with the baby having stopped developing at about 7 weeks when I was bang in 9 weeks. I also felt very "pregnant", like you, tho I had had some spotting.

I just wanted to let you know, in case it can reassure you, that the actual miscarriage for me, physically, wasn't as bad as I feared. I opted for medical management and it was unpleasant but over in a day. after that I continued with period like bleeding for 10 days or so, and although wiped out initially, I soon started feeling better. Like others have said you might not start a natural miscarriage for at least another week which will get you to the other side of this part of your sons treatment if you would rather wait...

Very best of luck with everything, life can be so cruel sometimes

Bravelittlesoldier Sun 26-Apr-15 22:33:36

Thanks Ahhh that is reassuring. They keep trying to tell me that my dates might be wrong to reassure me but I know they're definitely not. BP coming down slowly with meds so hopefully I'll get home soon.

Thanks too Jackie my mum is not due home til Friday. She keeps asking me whether she should come home and I wish she would just arrive home instead of waiting for me to tell her. Of course I want her home, I shouldn't have to ask! Sorry for the teenage rant, just feels like it's one more thing I need to worry about. My sisters are great and coming up tomorrow. Thanks for your kind wishes, hospital really is one of the busiest, loneliest places sad

Jackie0 Mon 27-Apr-15 11:36:58

Well if I was your mum I'd be there like a shot.

How are you today? I'm hoping you're resting at home

Fromparistoberlin73 Mon 27-Apr-15 11:40:41

brave

so sorry for you going through this. sending love and strength to you

I hope that the miscarriage passes as naturally and gently as possible, and that your childs treatment is a sucess

its just too much isn't it XXX

Bravelittlesoldier Mon 27-Apr-15 22:06:47

Thank you Jackie and Paris, I got home today but am back in hospital now as BP shot up again. Got to see DS2 earlier and he nearly broke my heart. He's had an awful day and was so groggy from morphine that he barely recognised me apart from ordering me to lie beside him sad. The staff on his ward knew about the miscarriage and have been so kind but I just want to hide. I feel so sad and lost but know I need to be there for the boys but don't know where I can get the energy. Thanks again, x

Stoatystoat Mon 27-Apr-15 22:09:29

Popped in just to see how you are, sorry it's such a rough time. Thinking of you x

SophyStantonLacy Mon 27-Apr-15 22:11:47

Oh blimey, I don't know about management for missed miscarriages but my heart goes out to you. Did your sisters manage to get to you today?

Jackie0 Mon 27-Apr-15 22:16:10

I think you're amazing bravelittlesoldier, brave and strong. You are a wonderful mummy.
I hope your dh has been able to be with you today .
My heart just goes out to you x

Janus Mon 27-Apr-15 22:30:05

Bravelittlesoldier, I am so sorry. I had a missed miscarriage, discovered at 12 week scan about 9 years ago. At that time I decided to have a erpc which is under general anaesthetic but was done very quickly (about a 2 day wait). I react quite poorly to GA and so felt pretty awful for about 2-3 days, mostly incredibly groggy. I couldn't imagine having to deal with another child needing treatment for cancer, there are no words to say how awful this must be for you. My parents also didn't offer to come and help me and husband (we had an older sibling and no other family around). I think it's been one of the rare times I asked them to please come and help so he could take me to the hospital. Please, sometimes you need to ask for help. (BTW, we now have 4!).
I so hope your little boy is well very soon xx

Bravelittlesoldier Tue 28-Apr-15 00:46:36

Thank you so much for all your kind words (especially you Jackie). I'm home in my bed missing DH and my son (he sleeps between us). Still can't believe all this is happening and anxious with every twinge that it's starting. One sister was up today and the other is coming tomorrow.

Janus, thanks for your message. I also don't react well to GA so would prefer to avoid that if possible. Just want it to be over.

Janus Tue 28-Apr-15 20:38:14

Hi bravelittlesoldier, what did the epau say today?? How are you feeling? And how is your son today? So much going on in your life, I hope you are holding up xxx

Bravelittlesoldier Tue 28-Apr-15 21:38:05

Janus, you are so good to think of me. Still waiting for something to happen and think I'm too afraid to take the tablets in case it makes things really intense. In hospital all day tomorrow (DH there tonight). DS2 still having a rotten week but pain was a bit better today. Still can't believe this is happening

Janus Tue 28-Apr-15 23:10:47

Do you have to take the tablets this week? Sorry, don't think I took this so not sure what they are. It's horible to say this but they thought mine had died around 8 weeks and I didnt know until 12 week scan and they still offered that I could wait. Could you just wait until next week? Although given your circumstances I'm sure there's never a good time to be facing this. You are being so strong, xx

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