How can I support my friend?

[Jenda]

My friend has just had her second MC, this one is incomplete and she has taken some tablets to move things along. I am going to spend the day with her tomorrow. She's into baking so im taking some bits to do that she can maybe sit and decorate if shes feeling up to it, might do her nails and we're going to watch crap films.

Also taking some big pants and pads. Am really aware I won't be able to do much to help the pain and the sadness. Do you any of you have any advice on what I can do to help? She has no other DCs but I will do some cleaning.

[GoooRooo]

You sound like a lovely friend.

Don't say things like 'it's probably for the best', 'it's nature's way of dealing with a poorly baby' etc - although you sound very thoughtful so I'm sure you wouldn't anyway!

Just being there is a very nice thing to do. Be prepared for mood swings from desperately sad to not seeming like it matters at all.

[Jenda]

Ready for mood swings, she does that anyway mc or not! And I won't say anything like that, I do find it hard because I am a very ott positive person but I have just been agreeing with her about how utterly shite and unfair it all is. I accidentally said she looked radiant and glowing the other day, wtf!! .. she did though, she had new make up!

[maliaki]

Just tell her how sorry you are and that you knew she loved her baby. Let her lead you: if she wants to talk or just cry then let her, don't try to fill the silence and click the link below to see what not to say. Some people don't mean to be insensitive but words can really hurt.

babyandbump.momtastic.com/miscarriage-support/120353-not-say.html

[CaptainZoot]

What a kind and thoughtful friend you are. After my MC in June last year I remember feeling very lonely. I had a good friend who was so kind to me, she just let me talk about it. How I felt, how unbelievably pissed off I was and gradually it got better.

If your friend is feeling anything like I felt she would appreciate just having someone to listen. I also remember planting a shrub in my garden with a little ribbon around it. It helps to sit by it sometimes and think. I remember feeling like I didn't want to forget no matter how tiny my baby was. I wanted something to remember him by.

Just a suggestion. Big hug for your friend.